


What will it be?

by Alexasnow



Category: Geralt of Rivia - Fandom, The Witcher, The Witcher 3, Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Not Beta Read, Original Character(s), Smut, Violence, does not follow games sequence of events
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-18 10:03:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 57,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5924265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexasnow/pseuds/Alexasnow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A chance meeting makes Chris rethink her whole life</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. knight in shining armor

I was sitting minding own business, enjoying some cool mead, it was warm out, it was soothing. I dressed differently to most women in the town, I didn’t like the plain dresses, I enjoyed colors, and black, I was drawn to the color, something of its intensity and power spoke to me. I was bold to be wearing such a corset and skirt, often told these were the clothes of whores, if that was the case I thought, whores had good taste. It complimented my figure, without revealing too much, a mere glimpse of skin here and there.

A group of soldiers burst in, I didn’t turn, I heard the rabble, and the clinking of armor and swords. I was hoping at that moment to remain invisible, no such luck.

“Get us some drinks, I will work on other things” I heard one of them mutter to his friend.

He dropped down on the bench beside me, I edged away, but he slung his arm around my shoulder, I shrugged it off, he became more insistent. Gripping my shoulders, he pulled me to face him “oh yes, you will do nicely” he laughed.

Before I was able to begin correcting him, his friends noisily took to the opposite side of the table. They looked over to me, leering, my skin crawled. “Of all the luck aye lads, a good pint, a pretty whore, this town ain’t half bad” they snickered.

“I am no whore” I snapped defensively.

“Why you dressed like one then?” He hissed, gripping more tightly to my my shoulders.

“I can dress how I please, your mistake not mine, so if you would kindly leave me in peace” I finished.

“Feisty one this one” one of them remarked.

“You will discover how feisty if you keep harassing me”

“You are going to loose business with that attitude missy” the one next to me stated.

“Are you deaf or stupid, I am not a whore, get off my table, and you get off my leg” I growled, dragging his hand free of my thigh.

It’s as if they were refusing to acknowledge my words, or their ignorance was truly great, either way I wanted them gone. I went to stand, he forced me back down “you’re not going anywhere”

I felt defiant, but weary, as their leers had been replaced with darkened stares, putting me on edge. I was trapped, I had to think, I wasn’t even able to look around me. So I looked down at the table, I didn’t want to waste my ale, but needs must. I threw the ale into his eyes, forcing him to release me, I kicked him back, as he lunged.

Backing out of the door, pulling a dagger from a sheath on my leg.

“Your going to pay for that” he smiled darkly. 

Clicking his knuckles, all three of them were advancing, I backed into what I thought was a post. “Watch were your going” a gravely voice chided me from behind.

A tall, ashen haired man stepped in the path of the soldiers “what’s going on here?”

“Nothing to do with you”

“Well I am making it my business” he stated bluntly.

“That whore won’t play nice” he pointed accusingly.

“I told them I am not a whore, they won’t listen” I stated in my defense.

“The girl says she isn’t a whore, so I would suggest you back off” he warned.

“The bitch kicked me, I can’t have that”

“I am starting to get the feeling you deserved it, so leave her alone, go while your still standing”

They all laughed “he thinks he is an army all to himself, let’s show them whose boss aye” one of them cried, they continued their advance.

I held up my blade defensively, whoever this man was he fought them with ease, they didn’t land a single blow. They all fell to ground, the grass staining red with their blood.

He turned, hearing my shuffling feet approaching, he pulled the blade to my throat, pulling it back when he realized I was not a threat. “Ah sorry, got lost in the fight for a moment, you ok?”

His yellow strange eyes gentle, despite his gruff voice, and rugged appearance. There was a kindness in those eyes that made me feel at ease. “Yes I am fine, I appreciate the help, can I buy you a drink to thank you for your kindness on my behalf?” I offered, the least I could do.

“Sure why not, not often people thank me, it’s nice to here” he smiled.

The scar cut across his eye moved, as the smile reached his eyes, I couldn’t seem to stop staring.

“I should introduce myself, I am Geralt, a witcher, hence the eyes”

“Yes they are rather…”

“Strange” he cut me off.

“No I was going to say, beautiful”

He looked confused, pulling his head back, arching his eye brow. He looked unsure as to whether to take me seriously. “Can’t take a compliment?” I guessed.

“I don’t get them often so I guess so” he smiled awkwardly.

Letting me in before him, with a gentlemanly push to the door, I thanked him. I felt strange walking in three bodies outside, and my boots caked in their blood. I took to the bar, getting two ales, returning to the table.

“So Geralt, you always come to the rescue?” I gave a wry smile.

“Only for beautiful damsels in distress”

His charm laid on thick somehow still managed to feel flattering, despite it sounding like an over used line. “I bet you say that to all the girls”

“No, only the pretty ones”

“Bold aren’t you? And somehow you manage to still seem charming, the ladies must love you” I teased.

“Some do, most think me a freak, an abomination of nature”

I observed him, his beard was grown in, his hair silver, his lines and scars spoke of a hard life. But these only added to his appeal rather than his age, his muscle was lean, must have been all of those monster kills. “What?” He asked catching me staring.

“You are an attractive man Geralt, your scars and attempts at a gruff manner don’t detract from it”

“Now whose being bold” he grinned.

I laughed, he was right, I was never this forward, I was acting strange.

He finished his mead with a swift gulp “so what will it be? do you have time for another?” 

His wide smile was alluring, and definitely trouble.


	2. what of witchers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris is thrilled and intrigued by geralt

I couldn't resist his charm, so I nodded, the second drink the conversation turned. He sidled up closer to me, our legs now touching; he finished his drink turning toward me.

"So, I didn't catch your name?"

As he said this he brushed my hair behind my ear, his eyes locked upon mine, the tension building in the silence. I almost blurted out as I began to feel on edge. "Chrysanthe, but most people call me Chris"

He just smiled, shook his head, then he returned his intense gaze to me, replying. "I think it's better as it is, a beautiful name for a beautiful woman"

"You really are all charm aren’t you" I smiled.

His fingers traced up and down my thigh, my heart began to race, and a rush of pleasure ran through me. "I can be more than charming" he growled softly.

My cheeks burned, I was more than flattered, but I began to feel nervous the longer he stared at me. His wondering hands were running over my arms, his smile becoming wicked. His hands came to rest upon my face, he pulled me toward him, pressing our lips together, I closed my eyes. His lips took mine with a craven passion; he edged me to the wall, pressing me against it.

He groaned, breaking the kiss, he purred "should we get a room?"

I was so aroused, drunk on lust I wanted to say yes. But I placed my hands upon his chest, holding him at bay.

"Ah" he sighed. "You're going to make me work for it"

"I suppose I am yes"

He pushed my arms aside "you’re not adverse to the kiss continuing?"

I shook my head, swiftly he pressed me back to the wall, kissing me hungrily, his hands continued to wonder. I was trying to stop mine from doing the same, if things got too hot and heavy I would sleep with him, and never see him again.   
I had been so lost in the feel of his lips and tongue in my mouth, that I hadn't noticed his hand snake under my skirt, his fingers traced over my clit, I jolted. He broke the kiss, pressing his forehead to mine, breathing heavily, he waited for me to object, but I couldn't, I wanted him to continue. He began circling my clit with his rough hands, I trembled as he continued, I gasped as the sudden build to tense climax began to thrill me.

He looked in my eyes when I gasped the second time, locking upon me as I tried desperately to remain still quiet. I was dripping wet, he was forced to add pressure to fingers to keep hitting the right spot, the additional pressure was all I needed to orgasm, I took my hand to my mouth, pressing my head to the wall, enjoy the waves of pleasure as they took me. My hips bucked against his continued teasing, he wouldn't stop until he felt me tremble a second time, the rush was not as powerful but just a pleasurable. He stopped, pulling his hand free, his heavy breathing and mine were all I could hear.  
"Next time I will hear, not just feel you come" he purred.

He left not long after, leaving us both craving more. Luckily I frequented the tavern or our chances of crossing paths again would be uncertain.

I was day dreaming when mayor of the town sat next to me "excuse me miss we need to discuss your involvement in the incident involving three of our soldiers, the bar keep said they spoke to you"

I was annoyed that he had mentioned me, but thankful that he had said so little. I knew of our mayor’s fondness for war and glory, so I had to be careful to not insult his investment in the future he called it. 

The war had pressed on for some time, taking away many good men. I had offered to fight but they laughed so hard, I was forced to leave lest I lose my temper, I did not like being made a fool, shamed for simply being a woman. I know certain leaders had been more accepting adding women to their ranks. But of course I had to come from a town of traditionalists, still stuck in the old world mind-set.

I looked to him painting a picture of pure innocence, and misunderstanding. He looked to me unconvinced, I often forgot the innocence card was beyond me these days. I smiled holding to half of the truth, he left it at that only because pressing me further was getting him nowhere.

I walked over to the bar keeper "Rich I appreciate that you said nothing"

"Bloody hell Chris, if I didn't know you I would think you had been the one to cut em down"

"And you know if I did, it would be in self-defence"

"Yeah I suppose so, they were very ungentlemanly toward you, glad you’re ok though"

"Yes I am ok"

"See you tomorrow will I?"

"Yes I think I will come back"

His voice dropped to a strained whisper" if you do, please get a room next time, you and your new man’s open display put the regulars ill at ease"

I felt embarrassed as he did for being forced to mention it "sorry about that, got carried away in the moment and all that"

"I know that, but you do know they don't like his kind around here, and you giving him reason to hang around won't do your reputation any good either"

"What does that mean?" I hissed defensively.

"Well everyone knows you got it in your head to volunteer for the service, and you dress as you please, friends with witches, you know how people are around here, they still have closed minds, and a witcher won't help matters"

"What's a witcher?" I inquired rather curiously, it hadn't occurred to me to press him on the matter.

"A mutant, some call em abominations of god’s work, freaks on account of their cold ways and strange skills"

"Skills?"

"I, they can see better, hear better, they is abnormally strong, and can use a strange magic, be weary of him not curious Chris, the guards find out he killed their mates, and you will have all the soldiers they can spare marching him out of town to hang, and you with him"

I let his worry, and warnings go over my head, I was now fascinated with the what made a witcher. I was the only one who visited the local witch they called her, I just found her quirky, and intriguing. I thought she would have answers, my mind now awash with them.

I wondered to her hut, ignoring the hushed whispers as I passed. I knocked "come in Chris"

I pushed open the door carefully, as you could never be sure where she was in her home. "How did you know it was me?"

"You’re the only one who knocks, everyone else barges in"

"Ah, true" I stated mildly annoyed by the ignorance, and ill manner of my fellow towns folk.

"You have that look again, what has caught your imagination this time?"

She smiled, her smile was beautiful, the women in town called it witchcraft only because their husbands would stare at her. They stared because they had no decency or tact, and also because she was an attractive women. In her late 40s you could barely tell, all but a few lines aged her beautiful face. She brushed her blonde locks back, quickly plaiting them out of her way.

"What do you know of witchers?"


	3. My choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris has made up her mind, will Geralt or Fiona aid her?

I had poor Fiona harassed, asking question after question. She found my enthusiasm endearing at first, but now she was looking rather stressed by my constant questions. I had asked her all the in's and outs, what made them different, their abilities, their lives, and what would change. I eventually her the question I had been dying to ask her "How does one become a witcher?"

"One does not child" she chided, trying to shut down the conversation.

"Tell me Fiona, let my source be a trusted one" I stressed.

"They go through an agonizing trial to gain the mutations, most do not survive the trial, and there are no female witchers. Well none I have heard of"

"I could be the first" I added, with a smile.

Now she looked concerned "are you serious?" She cried.

I was more than serious, I wanted to serve, and I had found that as a human I was useless to any cause, and I desperately wanted to fight. "I am serious" I stated with a confidence I didn't know I had.

"You will die you foolish child" she warned.

"The odds are against me yes,but.."

"But nothing, this is one endeavor I shan't aid you in" she declared as if the matter was closed.

"I am saddened to hear it, but I have made up my mind" I assured her, and myself that I would not be dissuaded so easily.

"This is madness, you think this man of yours will be happy about this" she posed.

"I do not intend to tell him"

"So your going to lie"

"No, just not telling him is not the same" I reasoned.

I looked to ground, I understood her concern, I was afraid, it sounded like agony, but a life of useless silence frightened me more. I would not live without purpose, I had been looking for a guide to step forward and I felt this was it.

She continued to try an reason with me, well it was less reasoning, and more her shouting me down, I had finally had enough. I looked up to meet her harsh gaze with a similar intensity, and stated as calmly as I could given that both of us were defensive "I intend to this, with or with out your help"

I turned upon my heel, not giving her the chance to continue shouting at me. I left Fiona feeling pained by our strained exchange, but i was resolved. I would find a way to become a witcher. As I pulled away from her house, I saw pass me by on a horse, now I was concerned, her haste worried me. She hadn't mentioned an appointment, and she was heading toward the tavern, she was going to reveal my plans before I had had the chance to put them in to words. I was not ready for Geralt to call me to reason like so many before, it was not reason, everyone wanted me to be a good little girl, silent, pushed to the sidelines, never knowing what is was to be useful to my family, my friends, and my home. A knot grew in my chest as I rushed toward the tavern praying Geralt was not there, at least not yet, I did not want Fiona to ruin this, whatever it was before it had the chance to start. He had been the first man I had considered in what felt like an age, I did not wish to lose him, not through misunderstanding.

I crashed through the tavern doors, as I turned to my right I saw Fiona already talking to Geralt, I was too late. As I came in he barley glanced up at me, I could barely breath, my words failed as he passed me. It both shocked and brought a sense of relief as he grabbed my arm in passing, guiding me outside. Wordlessly he pulled me up on to Roach, as I had heard him call his horse, I thought it an unfitting name for such a noble animal. We pulled into a clearing away from town, he helped me down, still not making eye contact, or saying a word. He lead me to the hillside, intimated for me to sit beside him, he sighed heavily. I could not read his expression as he was still looking forward, lost in thought, until he finally broke the strained silence.  
"Not how I had planned this day to go" he grumbled.

I was glad to hear him speak, but his words made me weary, as there was more to this, and I knew that he would not be supporting me in this action. Like Fiona he would attempt to discourage me, tell it was a whim, that I soon would forget this nonsense, but this was the first thing in my life that had truly made sense to me.

"There has never been a female witcher before, you maybe less likely to survive the trials" he cautioned.

"I know Fiona told me all the gory details, but neither of you know what it is to be invisible, to be useless, and told be happy with such a lot in life. I do not wish to fade away, I want to help my country, I want to make my family proud, I want to be strong"  
"You think becoming a witcher will give you that, do you know what kind of life I lead?"

"Yes, you are forced to the outside, like I am, I am a freak of different kind, so you and Fiona have it all figured out do you?, I am alone Geralt, how will be being alone but valued by few be any worse"

"That would be if you survive" he stressed. Grabbing my face, he looked into my eyes, tracing his fingers over my cheek "Do not do this, it is foolish, throwing your life away, you are valued. You have been the only one to show Fiona human kindness, that is not nothing, she is only worried for you"

I broke his intense gaze, looking to ground, I sighed heavily. My head was spinning, I knew they both meant well, but they had no idea of all I had suffered, I would suffer no longer.

"I know the risks, I know whats in store, if I make this step it would be easier if I was not alone in doing so, Fiona has turned her back upon me, please I know we are new to each others lives but to have someone who has been through this already"  
I knew it was unfair to ask, and it saddened me to know that I was losing him before he truly was mine to hold. But I knew for me this was the first chance I would have to step out of the shadows, and become something. I couldn't bare to look up, as I knew what was coming, the same painful, but understandable dismissive end. I was to be alone again, if I was to be alone, I would be of use to myself, and others.

"You're asking a lot of me Chris, I stepped in to save you, not so I could kill you myself, and this would be suicide, I will not help you to die Chris" he stated flatly.

I pulled up, even though it pained me, I walked away, and I did not look back to him. I had to now find were this kaer morhen was, and find my way there, I did not know whether I would encounter the same opposition when I got there, but I had to try. I headed home, taking what meager possessions I had, borrowing Geralt's horse, I am sure he wouldn't miss him given the less than endearing name he had given to him. And I began toward this witcher stronghold, I knew it would not be easy to get to, nor would it be a quick journey. I would have to find a way to survive, riding away from the town knowing no one would notice that I was gone steeled me toward my new path.


	4. kaer morhen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon reaching the fortress will they take Chris in? or turn her away?

The scenery was breath taking as I continued forth to The scenery was breath taking as I continued forth to Kaer Morhan, I used all manner of transport, stowing away aboard boats, and convoys, whatever got me there faster. Convoys and boats also provided scraps allowing me to get by, all the time alone with my thoughts only steeled my courage to my cause.

Roach at myself made the final part of the journey to this fortress in the wilderness, I could see it tower over the dense forest. It was breathtaking, a strong hold that had not been fortified from a battle long past, this still did not diminish the imposing shadow it cast over me as I drew to what I could only assume was the front gate.

I stood there for a time wondering whether it was customary to knock upon the doors of a fortress, I was in unknown territory. I held my hand back, a small part of me doubted my ability to do this, was I strong enough, was this to be my last day on earth, or would they turn me away in shame. The shame would kill me a thousand times, so I let my hand fly to the hard wooden door, knocking as loudly as my knuckles allowed. When they burned, as silence reigned, fear gripped my heart, what if it was abandoned, and my journey wasted.

I called out "hello, is anyone there?"

"What on earth?" I heard a man grumble behind the door. The door slowly opened. A well armored, worn warrior greeted me with a suspicious stare "who are you? And why are you here?"

"My name is Chris, and I wish to become a witcher"

He looked taken back, then confused, then an awkward laugh sounded out. "Why are you here really? Are you lost?"

"No, I intended to come here to be subjected to the trial of the grasses" I stated with a stern expression.

"That has not been done for many years, and there has never been a female witcher"

"Well things are changing, maybe I can be the first"

He guided me to sit down stating "you look weary"

I could see he was humoring me, but I didn't care, I was in the door, all I need to do was convince him of my genuine intent. I looked to him, he looked a kindly old man, but also not the kind you would mess with, appearances were often deceiving.

"I am Vesemir, you can stay the night if you have a long journey ahead of you"

"That is kind, but I am where I wanted to be, and I will wait as long as it takes for you to take me seriously"

His eyes narrowed, he led me into the fortress, I wondered how it had looked in all its glory as fortress standing against the tide of darkness. Now worn by time, and old wounds that had not been tended to. Walls still in disrepair, I remained in awe of the vast grounds, and the scale of the place. I must have been looking all starry eyed as Vesemir quipped "beautiful isn't she?"

"Very" I replied still lost in my awe.

He was keen to depart any knowledge, as I asked so many questions and he didn't tire of answering them. He seemed to become more animated as I listened hanging upon his every word. It was only when I mentioned the trail once again that his expression became serious.

"We have no way of knowing how the trial would effect female physiology, it has never been tried. You are unlikely to survive should you undergo the trial. Your family cant possibly approve of this" that was his last attempt to get me to see reason.

"I have no family"

"Friends then" he tried one more time. 

"No, I am alone, but I am no fool I understand the risk, and I know what people will think of me after, I have no illusions of an easy life. I wish to serve my country, defend it. This will aid that endeavor"

"You say all the right things child, but are you strong enough to under go the trial I wonder?"

Another voice cried out "you can't be seriously considering letting her do this?"

A tall man pulled free of the shadows, as he drew closer his deep scar across his face became visible, it disfigured his face, making his chin and lip jagged. It seemed to be something all witchers, and warriors had, battle scars, that reminded them and others of what they were capable of, and what they had endured. His short black hair shook with his disapproval.

"Eskell, I was merely talking to the young girl not planning anything" Vesemir chided.

"Are you insane?" He looked to me, his expression serious.

"No, I have thought this through, it took me a long time to get here"

"A girl has never been subjected to the trial before, not many survive it, and trust me it's agony" he cautioned.

"Yes I have heard this speech a few times already"

"Your family must.."

Vesemir held up his hand to stop his continued attempts to dissuade me, he shook his head, telling him to no continue that line of questioning. His concern was comforting, and genuine, but I told him anyway, raking up old pain. I contained my expression as repeated "no I have no one"

"I am sorry, but this is suicide"

"Oh, and why was it ok for you to do so?"

He looked unable to find and answer that would not be shot down, he grimaced as he considered all the ways in which he was my better, but thought better of voicing them, I was relieved.

"How about instead of talking down to her, we see what she is capable of" Vesemir looked toward the practice training ground. I followed his eyes to the dummies, I had often practiced alone, no one would teach me, so I taught myself. I was beginning to feel nervous I may not live up to their standards, I gripped tightly to the wall on which we sat to stop my hands from shaking.

I took the sword he gave me to my sweaty palm, hopping my grasp would be strong enough to make up for the fresh bout of nerves now taking me. I watched as Eskell acted the training dummy with strength, and agility I was unsure I had. I tested the weight of the blade in my hand, thankful it did not slip clear of my hand. It was no great sword, rather a lighter silver sword with a sharper edge, meant for swift, and clean kills. I handled it with more grace than I would have if I wasn't being observed, I was also more contained with power, and thoughtful but swift strikes. I had cut the poor dummie to ribbons, he began to droop away from the wooden frame, which also creaked from the beating it had just withstood.

I turned weary of the expression I would meet as I caught Vesemir's gaze, he was unreadable. After leaving me to wonder for what felt like an age, I gripped to the hilt of sword so tight my knuckles turned white. "You have a natural talent, yet you have a lot of work to do on your technique its sloppy, and good footwork is key. As you are safer facing your foe head on, not face to ground.

Everyone's doubts remained silenced as we trained, the use of magic took by surprise at first, as this was not mentioned to me, but I accommodated for it quickly, I was no susceptible to the mind trance, with caught Eskell of guard, allowing me to best him in one exercise. He made sure to push me to the limit in the next few, after he worked out his annoyance, we took a moment to catch our breath.

"Strange most humans are susceptible to the signs, you held your own well enough, but I still think it's a terrible idea, no matter how strong your mind and body the trial could destroy you" he stormed away on that note.  
Vesemir walked over to me, looking me square in the eye "Do you really want this?" he pressed.

I stood firm, holding his gaze "Yes"

"I know the turmoil that has begun far beyond these walls, I would be a fool to think that we are immune to it. Any who wish to find against it should be encouraged, I will consider it, but do not tell Eskell for the moment lest he lecture us both on how he knows better" he laughed.

A small glint of hope had shone through, I may yet get all I had been hoping for. But I knew the resistance I would face before, and after, I was justifiably afraid. Vesemir guided me inside the fortress, once again I was alike a curious child, asking a million questions. Vesemir was enthused to be asked so many questions, after being shown around, I was guided toward the place to sleep "I apologize it is basic, probably not what you are used to"

"It's fine, I appreciate all you have done for me today, you did not have to show me kindness, nor entertain me in any way, I am grateful for your consideration"

"It has been nice to have a possible student who is eager to learn" he smiled warmly, before he left me alone to my thoughts.

I took to a cot, I hoped I would be able to sleep, and that my fears would not best me, as they often had in the past.


	5. To be a witcher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris feels like she is making progress, will it continue?

I woke barely recalling where I was, as I looked around the fortress, I felt strangely at home. My clothes were now crumpled, and vaguely smelt of the long journey I had taken. I pulled up, smoothing down my hair, tying it back before I began to look for Vesemir. He wasn't hard to find, looking through books upon the surrounding shelves, I noted the pile sitting aside his leg, it was a mountain of knowledge, mildly intimidating. Vesemir bent down scooping up the pile, handing it to me "A little reading for you if your set upon this path, have you fought a monster before?"

 

"No, only that of the human variety" I recalled sadly.

 

"I am sorry, I did not mean to bring forth bad memories" he assured me.

 

"I know, it is not your fault, you have been more than kind to me Vesemir" I reassured him.

 

His kind eyes were alike to Geralt's, but they had the strain of age and sorrow to them. I held his gaze, then looked at the books before me, smiling weakly. I wondered if he expected me to read all of these, the titles were long an unpronounceable. I humoured Vesemir, but knew this was a necessity should I wish to be a witcher, knowledge of my prey, this would speak to how I would handle myself, as mistakes were the difference between life and death.

 

I took to a chair behind a simple table, planting the pile of books before me, then taking the top one in hand. It was not an easy read, nor was the knowledge meagre, there was so much to remember, I wondered if I would remember it all. By the time I had read the pile of books the light was failing, my eyes, and head hurt. I pulled up, my muscles ached from the lack of motion, I stretched them out, straining as I began to move. I rounded the book case to find Vesemir now at a large table with Eskell, and another. As I approached I felt like a desperate student begging for approval as I stated "Read all you gave me Vesemir, my head is killing me"

 

Eskell turned "Oh would you look at that she is hoping to be an A student" he teased.

 

I glared at him, then looked to the man I had yet to be introduced to. His hair was short, brown, with a trimmed beard. I noticed he to had a scar, not a deep or jagged as Eskell or Geralts, but it gave him a tougher appearance, as with out it you could mistaken him for a soft touch. He looked gentler than he realised, or maybe he knew as he offset it with an antagonistic manner. He must have felt my eyes upon him, he looked up with witcher eyes to me and stated "Who is this?" eagerly.

 

"Don't get attached Lambert, the woman's insane, she wants to be a witcher" Eskell scoffed.

 

"You want what? you are insane to choose this life, and besides, the table for the trial's gone" he said dismissively.

 

"That isn't technically true" Vesemir stated, looking rather sheepish.

 

"Why did you keep the table? are you like that madman who wanted to create an army of witchers" Lambert shouted.

 

They tore into one another, both growing more defensive, and angry in their own right. As it began to spiral out of control I couldnt take it any longer, I cut in "will you stop talking to him like that, he did not recruit me, or search me out, it was the other way around"

"Oh would you look at that vesemir, you have a fan" Lambert taunted.

"Not a fan but maybe the first one here with some respect for their elders"

"Yes thats probably because she didnt have any bad examples growing up"

"No instead she had to do everything alone, and for herself, much better" vesimir growled.

"Well it seems your more than willing to take on the father role for her" Lambert taunted

"Hey I am right here, what in gods name is your problem" I hissed, getting annoyed by his mocking.

"Your choosing this life through choice, your of your gord, you must have somekind of death wish" Lambert stated before storming away.

Eskell stayed out of it, but followed Lambert on, leaving me, and Vesemir in the silence that followed the tense atmosphere.

 

"I have to ask, do you not want a family of your own?" Vesimer asked in a soft tone

"No, never been something I have wanted, nor want in the future. This is no world to bring a child into"

"Hmm, I am still not sure if this is a good idea"

"Is it because I am a girl?" I posed.

"Well I cant deny that's part of it, I also swore I would never have to witness another suffer through that trial" he sounded pained just recalling it.

"I am sorry Vesemir, it must be difficult to watch, but know it is a choice, and if I do not survive, that was my doing not yours"

He looked horrified by the notion, he pulled up, and I barely heard him mutter as he left me "Rest up, you will need it" he sighed heavily, that was more clear than his words. I felt guilt for forcing his hand, and now I was nervous as they had all made it sound so frightening, but with good reason I was sure, and it was better to be prepared. I had to steady my breathing as I took to the cot, I wasn't making friends, as again I lay alone, but I had remind myself I wasn't here to forge friendships, I was here for a purpose. I was about to doze off when I heard the door crash open, I jolted up, I had mixed feelings seeing Geralt.

He stormed over to me, grabbing my face roughly, scrutinising my face "Ah good, I am not too late to stop this madness"

I pulled free of his grip, looking to him defiantly. "You can look at me like that all you want, this is not happening" he declared, as if the matter was settled.

I had just begun to make progress, the last thing I needed was another dissenting voice. I wanted to be happy to see him, but he was ruining my plans, I had just begun to steel my nerves for the trial, and now I might be denied the chance, and that frightened me more, I was barely able to catch my breath.


	6. Witchers work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris is about to be tested

Geralt hadn't said much after his deceleration about not allowing me to take the trial, the silence was strained and awkward, I had to break it. "Why are you here?" I asked Geralt, who was sitting beside me, hunched over.

"You stole my horse" he grumbled.

"You call him Roach so it's not like you care for him, hardly a name for such a noble creature"

He laughed "I came at the behest of your friend Fiona, she begged me to stop you"

"How much did she pay you?" I hissed.

"Not nearly enough, this is not going to happen, so your wasting your time staying here, Vesemir may see a fresh mind to teach. But you should call this what it is suicide"

"Geralt this is not your business" I snapped, I had always hated being told what to do, and to rid this world of monsters of all forms, had been a long held dream of mine, I was not about to let it go.

"You made it my business by placing me in the middle" he cried frustrated, looking to me with accusing eyes.

"If you stop me I will find another way" I countered, starting to feel cornered, and even more defensive. 

He did not continue the discussion, he simply gripped my arm tightly dragging me outside, my heels dragging as I we went. Finally pulling to a stop only to pass me a blade "fine, I will see how you take to witchers work" he stated flatly.

"Where are we going?" I pressed.

"To the forest to fight monsters, if you wish to be a witcher you will need to get used to it" he grumbled, his stern expression tinged with both frustration, and annoyance. This had not been my intention, but he was right, which irked me.

I took to roach, he to a newly acquired steed. Not a word passed between us, we rode toward the deepest part of the forest, and waited in silence for light to fade. He meditated, I just stared into the growing darkness. As evening set in, the fading light made my the visibility grow poor. I could barely see between the dark shadows of the trees, I could hear a strange gurgling begin to sound around us, the smell that followed could only mean it was a rotfiend, the name not ironic. My eyes and nose burned with the strength of the stench, I put up my guard, holding the sword tightly. My anxiety grew as the smell grew more pungent, they had fallen quiet. I barely saw it out of the corner of my eye, I managed to cut deep with a swift downward swipe, it hacked, I felt dazed. I recalled one important fact, diving out of range as it exploded in a hail of poisonous gas. It dissipated slowly, the next attack was swift, its claws finding my shoulder, cutting deep, causing me to drop my blade, Geralt was not there to aid me, merely to observe, so it was pointless looking to him for help. I rolled away, my shoulder burning in the process. I held back a Yelp of pain, watching this monster somehow without eyes direct its self to me, I reached for my sword, barely finding it in time, my heart now in my throat, I ran it through. It writhed as I tossed it aside, they kept coming, by the time they were exhausted in numbers, I was barely able to stand, tears openly falling down my cheeks. Blood dripping from my shoulder and back, scratch marks upon my throat were a reminder of how close one had come to ending my life. 

I had no idea if I had the strength to get back upon my horse, I pulled up my legs shaky, arms heavy as stone. I staggered forward, ungracefully flopping on to roach, weakly I took the reigns. Geralt offered me aid finally, but I would not take it, even in my agony, my pride asked I not take his hand. 

Riding back to kaer morhen took longer than it should of as I couldn't hold upright for long. Finally reaching the gates, I dropped off in heap to the ground, groaning with the re-newed pain now coursing through me. I somehow managed to pull up, holding to the cold stone of the fortress wall. This was to prove a point, and I guessed it was proven, as I was more than exhausted, I had obviously failed. I had barely survived the day, it had been frightening, exhilarating and the one of hardest days of my life.

I looked to Geralt who was looking at me strangely "I may have underestimated you, didn't think you would survive"

"Great, so you accuse me of being suicidal, and then put me in a life threatening position" I growled, not able to make sense of the point he was making. 

"Witchers work is dangerous by nature, if you can handle it as a human, then you may stand a chance as a witcher, it was for your own good, but don't think me convinced" he cautioned.

"So what would convince you?" I asked to weary to argue the point.

"I have a few contracts, and as I lost a few to get you, you will do the work, and I will get the reward, then we will return"

"So you want me to do your contracts and get nothing in return"

"I am offering to aid you in your insanity that should be enough"

He seemed gruffer than I recalled, guess the charm was to get me in bed. I felt angry even though I knew I shouldn't care, and this was the short end of the stick type of offer, but I wanted this more than I had anything. He helped clean, and sow shut the open wounds, his laughter as I winced and flinched was infuriating, but the pain was all consuming "these will be the first of many scars, trust me" he warned.

He was right, but I was too exhausted to care, I pulled up from the cot, and took back to the one I had taken as my own. I dropped down, my legs and arms ached from the stress of the fight, my back and shoulder cried from the trauma. I felt broken, was this truly what I wanted, to be an emotionless monster killer. My fingers traced the marks upon my neck, I recalled pulling back on instinct, then the burning as the claws caught the edge of the skin. If I hand not jumped back, I would not be lying here, I would be lying upon the ground amid the mobsters I had slain. I wondered as to how I had survived, my hyper state of alertness had served me well, those formative years afraid for my life had finally been of use. Yes it was time to no longer feel, and be of use in this world.


	7. The first mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris is given her first mission, and finds out it is not as simple as it first appears

Geralt did not say much other than his first contract was that of a missing girl, not too difficult I thought to myself, Geralt told me he would not in any circumstance come to my aid “If you can’t do things the human way, it’s not a magic fix to do things my way” he chided.

I thought to myself what rubbish, it would make this so much easier, but he was still determined to deter me, and why not get paid for nothing in the process.

I began to think of the best place to start, her friends, and family would obviously want to help find her. I was shocked to find her friends, and neighbours very tight lipped, and rude, this was more difficult than I imagined. I had so many doors closed in my face, only one friend took to my kind nature, without the ability to work the truth free of their minds, it had taken to evening before I had managed to get a single person to talk to me. I was weary as I knocked upon the last name I had been given to leave another alone. 

I knocked, a young blonde haired girl answered, her eyes bright, and her manner polite, so I was off to a different start, as the yes had given to looks of suspicion, or annoyance.

“I am investigating the disappearance of Rheia Kirkwall”

“Oh thank god someone cares enough to try and find her, I was getting worried myself. Would you like a tea?”

I was about to nod, when Geralt pipped up “No thank you, we are fine”

He was intent to be cruel, I was exhausted, and thirsty, but I smiled and asked “So when did you see her last?”

“Oh yes the last time I saw her was when she took off with some fella, she had been going on about him for weeks she had, saying he was the love of her life”

“Did you meet him?”

“That’s what was strange, she said he wasn’t comfortable around too many folks so we wouldn’t be meeting him until things were serious, apparently he proposed, so we thought she would come to town parade him for all to see, but no, she vanished, that was days ago now, do you think she is alive?”

“My hope is to find her alive and well, but I can’t grantee it. I will try” her eyes had lit up, but when I said I couldn’t promise her anything the light when out, it pained me, but I didn’t want to give her false hope, when the circumstances were unknown. She may of simply eloped with her new love, but I had to establish if this was like her. After a long silence, the girl looked to me and stated “Best I can hope for I guess” she sighed heavily.

“Would she just disappear like this?” I pressed.

“No, she was never a day without coming round to see us”

“So this is unusual?” I continued.

“It is miss, so what does the old one do?” she asked pointing to Geralt.

“Ah my sidekick, he is learning” I smiled to myself, amused by my retort. Geralt bit his tongue, and shot me a glare.

“I am sorry but I must ask one last question, where did you see her last?”

“She wondered off toward the forest at the edge of the village”

“Thank you for your help” I stated pulling up.

“I hope you find her” she stated sadly as I left.

As we stepped outside, Geralt began to lecture me “Are you a fool?, she could have been involved, taking tea when it could have been poison. People are always what they seem” he shouted.

I hoped the poor girl couldn’t hear us; I looked to him and replied “What happened to no intervention?”

“I would be remiss to not correct stupidity, if I am to put my feet up, I can’t have you falling down at the first hurdle” 

I just sighed, and continued to the sight she had been seen last, I looked into the darkness of the forest, and with night falling, I wondered if I should wait. I found a few drops of blood upon the ground, they compelled me to make haste, but this forest was known for its dangers, and I did not have witcher eyes. So I had to begrudgingly hold back, I took to a local tavern, luckily I had a bit of money I had saved from the odd jobs I had done. I had enough to last a few weeks, but with Geralt in tow, a week at most.

He asked for separate rooms, so the freeze out continued until I changed my mind. He stayed in the tavern drinking, I left to sleep. I was tired, and I had so much to think about. I had just begun to consider the facts of this poor girls disappearance when I drifted off.

I woke in a cold sweat, in fear, was the monster here for me. I searched the darkness, and found nothing, this did not assure me. But to become a monster killer, would be the first thing to bring me comfort, I would feel safe for the first time in my life. The shadows would not exist to my witcher eyes, and I needed fear it creeping up upon me as I would hear it. The light was barely touching the sky, but I readied myself, cleaning myself up quickly, storming passed Geralt as the women he had chosen to entangle himself with.

I looked the forest, and I awaited the light to peak through the trees, and I saddled Roach, pulling up, and slowly trotting in, I went slowly to let the light show the path before me. The blood drops had been the only sign of foul play thus far, but couldn’t be sure it was hers. However this was unlike her so my only willing source told me, I wondered deep into the forest, and soon all I could see were trees. No signs pointed any which way, it was by luck that I discovered a hut well hidden within the bowels of the forest. It looked empty, but Geralt’s lesson of things aren’t what they seem rang in my ears. I crept around, tying Roach at a safe distance, hiding both him from harm, and me from discovered.

The hut sprung to life, a loud crash, shook the ground. I heard a voice exclaim “Damn it, it exploded again”

In their frustration, whoever they were, they were making for the door; I pulled to the back of the house, pulling round the corner to glance at the man. But he was no man; he appeared beast like, but only half beast. He growled to himself, then mumbled “I am running low, I must find another” he grumbled.

He ran at pace toward a the town, but I was not fast enough to keep pace, neither was Roach, I did not know what he was, I could not recall his likeness in Vesemir’s books. So I could only wait for him to return, he did under cover of darkness, but it couldn’t be him, this was a human man. He was walking arm in arm with a girl, telling her of how their lives together would be wondrous. I couldn’t believe how well his charm seemed to get the girl to abandon sense and reason, this hut was desolate, and in the middle of the woods. I waited for their voices to fade; I took my skills to picking the lock, and carefully slipping inside. I crept down a long set of stairs, to what looked like a laboratory, or a medics hut, the blood dry upon tables, when the light cast to the cells containing the girls. I almost gasped as I saw the stated they were in, their fear was plain to see. I could not see Rheia, was it possible she was already dead, I hoped not.

The new girl had broken free of the spell too late to see his dark intent, and now she stood aside them, begging him to let her go “Shut up, you will be next if you’re going to whimper like that, it hurts my ears. He showed her his true form, her scream rang out, I took that opportunity to slip further in unnoticed, he was too busy subduing her, as he held to his sensitive ears. Even though I had been able to get a closer glance, I still had no idea what he was, he looked a wolf of some kind, but his ability to shape shift of his own accord made him different. I had to learn more than loud noises hurt his ears, which would not be enough to kill him. I hunkered in to watch, and wait to hopefully find out his weaknesses, and not to see him butcher an innocent girl. I was petrified, but I was managing to contain it thus far, as knowing the where the monster was, was less frightening than waiting, and hoping it didn’t catch up with you. So alone in the monsters lair, I waited for something, anything.


	8. The best laid plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things do not go according to plan for Chris

As I waited in the shadows, I did not hear much beyond the pleas of his soon to be victims, begging me to action. I was about to pull free of the darkness when I saw Rheia walk in, she stepped willingly into a cage aside the girls. She and the beast held to each other's hands, exchanging a long lingering gaze.

"I am out of witches, and no closer to a cure, we may never be together my love" he growled.

She soothed him "do not worry, I know of a witch in a neighbouring village, Fiona, she is powerful her heart will make the potion potent enough"

My heart lurched upon hearing her name, I held in position until I could hold back no longer, he dragged a girl free from her cage, yelping as she screamed. Rheia hit her over the head, slipping out of her cage to aid him to drag her limp body to the table.

The girls left I crept over to, and in a hushed voice I asked for them to scream at the top of their lungs. They looked so weak, and yet they did as I asked. I rushed at the beast as he held to his ears, dealing a fatal blow, he did not fall so easily, he lashed out, his claws barely missing me. I dodged his oncoming attack, he rushed me, taking his clawed hands to my throat, crushing his hands around my throat, my eyes blurred. My desperate grasping hand found my dagger, forcing it into his throat, it took all my strength to push the blade through. He released my throat, coughing, and spluttering, gulping in air, Rheia looming over me came into view, I swiftly pulled free of the fallen beast. The chaos that followed, Rheia looked broken, I called her to drop the blade she now had in her hand, she ignored my pleas, and she then turned her twisted evil glance to the innocent girl upon the table. I crept closer the blood dripping down the blade inflamed her grief filled rage, she took the blade down swiftly through the girls heart, the shock brought her to consciousness, she cried out in agony.

She cruelly pulled the blade free on a swift sickening motion, the girl did not suffer long was the only thought I could comfort myself with, as I rounded toward her. 

"Come quietly, you will answer for your crimes" I stated more calmly than I felt.

"Love is no crime" she cried as she ran at me, luckily because of her blinding rage she missed.

I offered once more to allow her to come with me, but she had no intention of going quietly. I tried to subdue her, but her wild rage knew no bounds. I had to run her through, as she almost took the blade to my chest, her grip upon the blade loosened as the blood rushed across the blade, mixing with her beloveds, she joined her monster upon the ground, she held to him as she cried in sadness, and pain. For a time I just stared at them both, to assure myself that they were indeed dead, but also through shock, she had been assumed an innocent not a killer, things truly were not what they seemed.

I released the remaining girls, and despite their endless thanks, I did not feel like a hero. So many innocent witches had died for the actions of one, and the missing girl was a murderer, how could I tell those worried for her life what she had become. With the three innocent girls freed, they followed on in silence, the poor dead girl I carried free of this place. Leaving Rheia to finally be with her love in death, I had failed to save her, and the other girl, who now was a heavy reminder as to the burden I would carry.

I stumbled free of the shack, taking the girl, and the freed women to the edge of the forest. “Good luck ladies” I stated not knowing what else to say in such a situation.

“We will not forget this kindness child, if you have need of us we shall repay our debt” They all echoed the same sentiment, hugging me in turn.

I felt a slight sense of accomplishment, wish faded as I buried the poor girl I had failed to save, I had not imagined Rheia would turn upon her, as there was no need.

I knelt before her grave “I am sorry, I did not think she would do such a thing”

I pulled myself up, wiping away the tears, smearing the blood upon my face. I was covered in blood, my throat once again bore the marks of battle, these marks deeper, and they would be soon just another scar among many. I wondered into the village, the warmth of the sun was no comfort to me, I felt cold inside. I had failed Geralt, and I had failed that poor girl. I took to the tavern, asking for a room. The barkeeper looking at me strangely, I had almost forgotten the blood covering me. I felt quite numb, that had not gone as I expected, the story a more insidious one.

Geralt waved to me to come sit with him, I ignored him, I was in no mood for another lecture. I just wanted to be alone, try and set things straight in my racing mind, I will still amazed I had survived, given my fear of monsters, maybe my need for vengeance was greater than the paralysing fear that had taken me as a child. I dropped down upon the bed, I had asked for water for a bath, it didn’t come cheap, but I wanted this blood off me. I had forgotten it as I wondered back, but now it was all I could see, and feel upon my skin. I wearily took off my basic armour, which I would need to invest in better armour, and a better sword, this one barely did the job.  
I sank into the water, washing the blood free of my skin, noticing the blade mark were Rheia had almost pushed the blade into my chest. So many marks that spoke of close calls, and how many times of late I had been so close to death. The marks around my neck burned as I cleaned them. I wrapped a towel around myself, not wishing to put back on my blood stained clothes. Dropping back upon the bed, sighing heavily, my eyes misting over.

The door creaked open, I looked up “Geralt, I am in no mood for a lecture” I cautioned.

“I am not here to lecture you, I know what happened”

“How could you possibly know?” I exclaimed.

“I followed you”

“What happened to no inference?” I hissed recalling his harsh words.

“We may not be friends, but I did not wish harm to come to you. I am being harsh for your own good, you must learn what you’re getting into and the toll it can take upon you. You will have to make difficult decisions, like you did today, every day. Are you ready for that?”

Exhausted, I was still able to bring forth the horrifying memory that fuelled me to continue “Yes, someone must do it”

“And not every decision will work out the way you expect to” he warned.

“I thought you weren’t here to lecture me” I grumbled.

“I wanted to check you were ok”

“Well now you have, will you get out?” I cried.

He didn’t leave, nor offer comfort, but he stayed silently beside me. I must have drifted off, as all I recall, is being moved.

I awoke in Geralt’s arms confused, I looked up at him “Don’t read anything into this, I ran out of women” he joked.

I didn’t care what it was, I remained there for a time comforted. Looking at his scars, wondering how many I would end up with, I already had a few from only a short time, and one from many years ago, healed psychically only.


	9. The second task

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris finally finds out what is next, but the path there seems to be fraught with tension

I awoke to find Geralt standing aside the only window adorning the taverns room, the sun was dancing over his concentrated features, he looked lost in deep thought, his expression nearing grave. I wanted to pull him from his dark reverie, but instead for a moment I just gazed at him, admiring him, his deep lines in his face did not draw anything from his handsome face, they added wisdom, and spoke of laughter, and pain alike. The scars deep, and surface showed his many battles, his eyes where both bright, and dull, the light within them was clear at times, but the light often faded, and it made me wonder what had occurred to steal the light, I did not know him well enough to pry. I dragged myself up from the bed, the creaking of the old wood forced Geralt to turn. A weak smile crossed his thin lips “Ah, finally, we can return to work”

I recalled the poor victim of your last foray into witcher's work, I wondered if the burden was bearable, I did not speak my mind, I held my tongue, and nodded. The girls face as the blade took her life haunted me, I was so lost in the remanence of yesterday, that I had not heard a word Geralt had just said to me.

I walked into his back, he turned, and was now looking at me expectantly, waiting for a reply, god what had he just said. I couldn't recall a word, his voice had been so distant, all I could hear was the final cries, and the blood now upon my hands, the blood of the guilty did not stain as darkly as the innocent. I looked up at him, a darkness clouding my eyes, I still felt distant. His eyes narrowed “Are you ok?” he stressed after my silence drew out.

“Sorry Geralt, what did you say?”

“Are you sure your ready for this?” he questioned with his eyes, and words.

“I am fine” I assured him, but I could not assure myself, I had to push down these fears and doubts, I had to find a way to kill that monster, save others from such tragedies.

He advised me to clean up, and ready my new blades. I washed swiftly, taking the towel roughly to my skin, removing the last marks of blood staining my skin. I wiped my clothes as best I could so the smell was not so pungent, given that beasts of any kind had a keen sense of smell, I did not need them to smell me coming, I needed to have stealth. I dressed, and beheld my new blades, new to me, but I suspected they had had more than one previous owner. I took a whetstone to my new swords,sharpening the edges with care, the blood almost looked brand new, if only it was that easy for myself. Geralt had told me to not read too much into it, it was necessary to have tools of the trade that would save my life when he was no longer forced to be my shadow. So the gentle manner of yesterday was once again put aside, I tried not to dwell on his changing manner toward me, just to enjoy the moments in which he allowed me to see more.

I hadn't realized how thinking of Geralt had tightened my grip upon the hilt of my sword, my knuckles blazed a painful white. I loosened my grip, the marks of the hilt now emblazoned in to my palm, I retook the hilt with a gentle, yet firm grasp, I admired the craftsmanship of the blade, and as I rose to my feet I got a feel for the weight of the steel, then the silver, both felt like extensions of my arms, like they were made for me, not those who had previously wielded them. I named the silver blade in a hushed whisper, the name of the beast who had taken everything from me, and who would one day meet the sharp end of this sword. I sheathed both blades, putting together a makeshift holder to keep them safely upon my back, and in reach.

I knocked Geralts legs from their comfortable perch, startling him into pulling up, he growled not seeing the humor in it. I laughed to myself as he haughtily stormed out ahead of me. We wondered passed the new faces now sitting about the tavern, out into the burning sun, I held up my hand to hold back the blinding light, allowing my poor eyes to recover and focus. I wondered over to Roach, stroking his mane, thinking how I needed to give him a more fitting name, I looked into his deep gentle brown eyes and mused aloud “What is your name?”

“Roach” Geralt quipped as if I had lost my memory, and needed a reminder.

I looked to him sternly “No, he needs a real name”

I pondered my thoughts, and could only come up with a word not often used but it meant strong “stalwart“

“That's an awful name” Geralt groaned in disapproval.

“Better than Roach” I stroked his mane, he brayed “See he agrees”

“Most males will agree with a woman if she is touching them, take your hands to me and I am sure I would agree to anything”

Given how we met I should not have been so embarrassed by this brash statement, and yet my cheeks bloomed with colour, and I found I had to look anywhere but toward Geralt. I heard him sniker to himself, this replaced my embarrassment with annoyance. I saddled Stalwart, pulling up, sitting tall, I awaited to follow Geralts lead as I had no idea where we were going. He began to trot slowly forward, leading me further away from the town I had once called home, making me realise that it had never been home just a convent rest stop, and now I was finally moving toward where I needed to be.

“Don't worry this is a straight forward mission I assure you” he remarked after we had been riding for sometime.

I didnt respond, but I thought that is what I thought about the last one, so I would be prepared for anything to go wrong, or not be as it appeared upon this one, I would not be so caught out, or grieved by the outcome, I hoped.

Pulling toward a very small town in the middle of nowhere, I wondered who or what could be here, it seemed to be deserted. We wondered off the beaten path among the brush, up passed a river, to a secluded hut. I slowed, and pulled Stalwart to gentle stop. Dismounting and following Geralt with caution, readying my hands to take to my blades in need be. 

“You can drop your hands Chris, we are just stocking up on herbs, and bait for the beast”

“Who lives here?” I inquired surveying the surrounding area, it did not look pleasant.

“An old friend, she wont take kindly to you holding so tightly to your blades” he cautioned, his brow furrowed.

I dropped my hands begrudgingly, I liked the comfort holding to my sword gave me. I sighed following him in, I heard a drawl of “Geralt, it has been a long time hasn't it”

The tall blonde, age had only just began to add lines to her pretty features, her full lips pulled into a grimace upon the sight of me “And who is the girl in tow?” she regarded me suspiciously, wrinkling her nose as I met her harsh gaze. I was no intimidated, but I could tell she was a witch, I got the sense of magic when entering the hut.

“My name is Chris, and you would be?”

“Keira, you should show some respect, I am..”

“A powerful witch I know, I have spent enough time around magic to know it” I assured her, as her mouth was a gape in both shock, and annoyance at my interruption. She growled, and muttered something under her breath. I did not care for what she was saying, I just wanted to get these missions behind me, and become a witcher, or die trying.

“Can she not wait outside while we get reacquaint the proper way” Keira purred.

I felt my lips pull back in a feral manner, baring my gritted teeth. I didn't wish to reveal the spark of jealously that burned within me, but the ease in which her an Geralt conversed was nothing like the way he was with me. And now she was telling me freely that they were intimate, if she was doing this to get a reaction, she had more than succeeded. I was about to turn to leave, when she caught my angry gaze, and made things worse by laughing “Oh dear, it seems that you have a little fan club here Geralt” she chortled in amusement.

My cheeks now a flame, I stalked out stammering “I will wait outside”

I stormed out, the heat radiated from my face, I paced trying to calm myself, find my focus, I managed to quieten my mind. Waiting for Geralt was like a slow torture, as I heard laughter, and sighs as they rehashed old memories. When Geralt finally emerged, he walked over a bundle of herbs, plants, and basic supplies in hand. He placed the supplies in a pack attached to the saddle of his horse, he then tore over to me backing me against Keira's shack. I could see rage cut into his face, but his eyes stormed with more of a spark of desire. So I felt unsure as to whether I should be afraid “believe me I am more than willing to take you bed, but do not embarrass yourself, or me like that again”

I gulped my breath caught in my chest, as I tried to steady my breathing. His eyes dropped to my chest as I heaved, his eyes trailed back up slowly, meeting mine with intensity. He pressed himself to me, my eyes wide desperately trying to read his expression as to know whether I remain silent and still, or make a move. He took away my options when he pulled away, breaking the tension with a simple backward step, he had mounted his horse. I was still holding to the wall of Keira's home, it was evident he enjoyed the effect he had upon me, as he seemed amused by my having to steady myself before I stepped forward. I mounted Stalwart, taking a deep breath “Where are we off to?”

“The next town over has a drowner problem, a cave round the waters edge seems to be were they have made their nest. So that is where we are going, they have lost so many villagers to them that they are offering a handsome reward for an end to the problem”

“We?” I reflected back bemused. 

“Yes sadly I will have to help you on this one, unless you think you can see in the dark, then I will gladly wait outside” he retorted dripping with sarcasm, a wry smile upon his face. 

“I guess you will have to sheath that razor sharp wit if we are working together” I stabbed.

“And you will have to try to not let your knees go weak at the sight of me” he purred, his smile wide, as if he considered this a victory.

I raised my eyes, and only added “what ever your doing now is working, so I guess I will be fine”

He smiled at my attempt at a barbed retort, not believing a word. I had to change the topic, this was becoming too much embarrassment for one day. “Can we get going now” I stressed, hoping he would drop this cruel torture. He seemed satisfied for now, and we pushed on toward the next town.


	10. The things I do for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris and Geralt find there are more than drowners in the cave

I followed on behind Geralt, avoiding travelling at his side lest he take to taunting me once more. I still recalled the intensity of his stare, it made me shiver. But I couldn't waste my time on such thoughts, I refocused, wondering how in a dank dark cave I would be a help rather than hindrance. I wouldn't be able to see my hand in front of my face, I wrinkled my nose, the idea of relying heavily upon Geralt was distasteful. His current increase in ego and swagger with me, was building up a burning annoyance within my chest. I looked pointedly at the back of his head, hoping he could sense my anger, but probably best that he couldn't as it would only amuse him. We were drawing closer to the buildings which had once been dots on the horizon,  were now taking shape, simple homes, a few villagers milling about the small path between the houses. A man dressed in simple clothes approached us slowly, he smiled, the stiffness in his shoulders obvious. "Ah the witcher, you couldn't have come soon enough, we can not lose another soul to these foul creatures" he stressed, his tired eyes implored us to dismount and begin toward the cave.

I dismounted slowly, brushing Stalwarts mane 'thank you' I whispered. 

"Did you just thank roach?" He chortled.

"Stalwart does his part, without him the journey would take too long, and whoever is left in this town would be dead"

Geralt just raised his eyebrow, regarding me as if I had lost my mind, I glared back with a measure of rage, he broke into a smile. "You're a strange woman"

"You say this, as if you didn't already know" I retorted.

"True" he stated, there was a softening in his state for that moment, as if he enjoyed this strange banter, but would never admit it.

I sighed, this gave me a glimmer of hope, maybe he would find an ounce of respect for me somewhere. I followed on the man who identified himself as "Theo, I had a wife but sadly she fell pray to these monsters" he recited sadly, he must of gone over the hell a thousand times in his mind.

"I will help end this blight upon your town" I declared more dramatically than intended.

He smiled but his eyes narrowed as he scrutinized my face "but you are no witcher"

"I am every bit as able" I declared with the confidence of experience.

"I am sure you are but I can't afford to pay double, it was difficult enough raising this amount" his eyes dulled.

"I am not expecting you to, the fee remains the same" I assured him, placing a well meaning hand upon his shoulder. He almost leapt out of his skin, startling me in the process. I stumbled back, falling ungracefully on to my backside. The impact sent shocks up my spine, my ass thankfully absorbed most of the impact.

Geralt helped me up amid raucous laughter. Theo apologized profusely. 

"Do not worry she is fine, her ass cushioned her fall" Geralt teased.

I was now puce, wanting to run head first into the cave full of drowners, anything would be better than this. Geralt leant in and whispered "it is a nice ass trust me"

That only added to the embarrassment, making me anxious to move toward the cave. "Can we move on?" I pressed desperately.

"Of course, you need only follow the waters edge, the cave stands near an old ruined bridge. I have torches and means to light them in this satchel here"

He looked at a loss as to which one of us to pass this to, so I stretched out my hand to take it. It was heavier than I had imagined, I threw it over my shoulder, straining a little at the weight. Geralt assured Theo he had it in hand, I followed Geralt round the corner, holding close to the shore, had this not been a mission, and had we been on better terms, this would be romantic. However it was awkward, I took to surveying the shore line, noting the obvious signs of struggle, and drag marks. The closer we drew to the cave, the stronger the scent of death, the metallic tang of blood was thick upon the air, overwhelmed only by the stench of rotting flesh. I did not know how Geralt was not the one feeling ill, as his senses were stronger than mine. 

At the mouth of the cave, I was forced to light the torch, we crept cautiously into the cave, the ground sodden with the river, and the blood of the unfortunate victims of the drowner attacks. I held the torch to the darkness only forcing it back so far, the rest of the cave was swallowed by darkness. I wish that I had not stumbled upon their stockpile of bodies, bloated from there time in the water, it was a ghastly sight, and the smell forced bile to rise in throat, I forced it back down, my eyes watering. Geralt took a potion vile from his pocket, downing its vile looking content, grimacing for a time before he continued to move forward. He stopped, dropping to his haunches, he observed the ground, he was obviously seeing something I wasn't. I just waited for him to reveal his revelation, instead he remained quiet, and followed an invisible trail. I took after him, just as we turned further into the darkness, he clamped his hand over my mouth, and dragged me back against the wall with him, pulling into a small break in the stone, concealing us. I couldn't see what it was, only that its silhouette was sizable, its breath was heavy and ragged, its eyes flashed, searching from the intruders into its home, so it wasn't just drowners. I waited as the beast slowly stalked past us, on edge, I was prepared to fight if need be, but my sight was not as Geralts so I couldn't see a thing. I felt Geralt hand seize mine, and lead me forward. The beast circled round, with loud footsteps it was now behind us, thankfully so slow it was not gaining. Geralt stopping dead however gave me cause for a alarm “Drowners” he whispered.

Their telltale caw, and vile eating habits alerted me, so if I could not see them, I could at the very least hear them. The battle that followed ran on intense flashes, Geralt setting the Drowners alight aloud me to see them, freeing two of them of their heads as they flailed in panic. As the flames faded, the darkness took the scene from me, only to return with me face to face with whatever the large beast was. It's black eyes locked upon me, it's sharp teeth bared, I slowly backed away, until my back was flat against Geralt. I elbowed him, forcing him to turn, he set the onslaught of drowners “See to them, I will take the beast” he ordered.

And I did not question him, I just took to my task swiftly, knowing the light would soon be gone. I had little time to kill all the approaching drowners, I cut open the first ones gut, cutting the seconds throat, this blade moved so fluidly through them, the ease of movement allowed me to them down in numbers. One jolted back from my blade, it was then followed by more of its brethren. The darkness would not make this easy. I listened carefully for their gurgling sounds as they moved about, gauging their distance from me, luckily my first strike was true, but as was the drowners. The skin across my side burned as the claws of the beast raked the skin, cutting four jagged claw marks, the warmth of my blood oozed free of the open wound. I seethed, gritting my teeth, Geralt too busy it a battle with the large beast to aid me, so I was forced to recover as much as possible to continue fighting. I heard Geralt cry out, I turned forgetting my own safety, and instinct to live, and seeing its eyes flash, I could at least guess were to hit, to distract it not wound. I managed to push the blade in deep through tough scale like flesh, I forced the blade as far as it would go, then dragged it free, the creature staggered. I pulled Geralt up, he was bleeding, I could feel it as I hooked my hand under his arm, the sticky blood coated my hand. I turned to end the hapless beast, as it staggered. Geralt finished the last of the drowners, he staggered, and slumped against a wall.

I could no longer see, or hear anything “Geralt?” I yelped.

“Here” he growled in pain. 

I followed his gravely voice to place my hands to cold damp wall of the cave, finding him sitting upon the ground. “What can I do?” I asked my voice tinged with desperation.

“Pass me the potion in my pocket”

I pulled the potion free of his pocket, feeling for his face, I pressed the uncorked vile to his lips, he drunk down the liquid greedily. He gasped at the temporary shock to his system, but soon his ragged breath became level. I had to assure myself that was a good thing “Are you ok?” I pressed.

“Yes, and not be so stupid next time, you put yourself in danger” he chided.

“What? You couldn't just thank me” I growled.

“I have been injured many times, and I could see what I was facing you had no idea” the lecture continued.

“Fine, I will let you die next time, it that better?” I cried in frustration.

He laughed, pulling himself up slowly, using the wall to steady himself. “Come on” he ordered. 

Grabbing my hand, guiding me back to the entrance, we were in clear daylight half way across the shore before he released my hand, he must have not realized. Free to look around, I noted a trial of blood following in Geralts wake, I stopped dead thinking he was injure more gravely than I realized, only to notice the head of the beast in his hand, I was looking at it with confusion.

“Trophy, and proof” he quipped, seeing my look of puzzlement.

I followed after him again like some dippy sidekick, and that was often how I felt aside him. He was so confident, and brash. Where I was nervous, anxious and polite to a fault. I had forgotten all about the claw marks until they burned fiercely as if in reminder. I hissed in pain, holding to my side in a reflex, that only made it worse. I yelped unintentionally.

Geralt spun upon his heel “Your injured, why didn't you say something?” he scolded.

“I forgot about it” I stated in all honesty.

He bound the beasts head in rope, and tied it to his belt, I just watched on unsure as to what he was doing. He dipped, knocking me off my feet, and into his waiting arms “Are you serious? I am fine” I protested.

He ignored my protests, It was not that I minded being so close to him, the warmth of his body forced a blush across my cheeks. Had the pain not been insistent, I would have remained flustered. It did burn my pride to be carried in to the village, rather than walk aside him as a fellow warrior victorious. He was told to take me into an empty hut, placing me upon the bed, they brought supplies, he unashamedly pulled up my shirt to inspect the wound. 

“Okay this alcohol will hurt” pulling his belt free of his waist, placing it between my teeth, he cautioned me to bite down. I sunk my teeth deep into the hardened leather, gaging and chocking of the rough material, it muffled the cry of agony that poured freely from my lips, my body stiffened as the alcohol burned the torn skin. Tears streaked my temples, he had nothing to sow up the open wounds with so, he gripped his sword, and warmed it with the flames that burst free of his glowing palm. I prepared myself for the pain I knew was coming, it cut through me like white hot flame, he repeated this on each mark, until the bleeding stopped. I had bitten right through the leather, but the distraction had taken a measure of pain away, and I was thankful for it as I trembled with the strain, my body ached. He pulled the shirt free of my head, and bandaged me up, covering my modesty gingerly. 

“Your bust alone took all of the bandages” he teased.

I forced a smile through the searing pain, in took my mind off it for a split second. Geralt leaning over me smiling, brushing the hair that clung to the sides of my face. “Rest, I will be back soon” he assured me in a gentle tone, I wasn't sure if I was hearing what I wanted to, or whether he was being tender with me. I battled the confusion before I fell into a pained haze, letting the world slip away. 

I awoke hours later, to see Geralt leaning against the wall, arms folded tightly, eyes set upon me. I pulled up slowly, hoping the bandages would stay in place, as if I was to be half naked before him, I wanted it to be for good reasons. I was hoping to finally have finish what we had started all that time ago in the tavern, I longed for it, but I wanted to enjoy it, not bite back the pain. I stepped off the bed, to find Geralt's hand ready to steady, maker he moved fast. 

“I got you new clothes, the villagers left said it was the least they could do for you”

“What did you tell them I saved your ass?” I remarked in a tone of sarcasm I could not hold back, I smiled weakly.

“No, I told them the truth, we worked together, and shockingly enough it didn't get me killed” he grumbled.

“Not how I recall it” I continued the taunting.

“Good thing I still need you, or I could just walk away from this incessant blathering” he growled, shooting me a warning glare. My eyes widened, he turned hooked his fingers under my chin, kissing my forehead tenderly he strained to whisper “Thank you”

“Ah ha” I grinned widely looking up into his eyes as he began an eye roll. 

“I will not admit I said that, even under threat of death trust me” he chided with a jovial smile. “Now get dressed before you walk out half naked, cant say I would complain but the villagers might not all appreciate such a lovely sight” he purred.

I grabbed at shirt, pulling it over my head slowly, as my side protested with the skin stretching, I hissed through the sharp pain, following Geralt out. The villagers thanked us, Geralt left me to deal with the well wishers, I knew it was because he was not so comfortable with sentiment. But from his gentle gaze, I only hoped he had in part done it to lift my spirits. Their kind eyes, and genuine thanks warmed my heart, giving me an easy smile, which spread out across my face. They hugged me carefully minding the claw marks, it was sad to see how few they were, but good to know that what little I could do for them was enough.


	11. The truth tries to step into the light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris and Geralt make camp, and questions lead to stirring up old memories

We made camp half way to next destination, which Geralt seemed to be with holding, he kept a watchful eye upon me, as I hissed through gritted teeth trying to hide the agony. Lying upon my side did little to relieve the pain that had been burnt into my skin, it would heal faster this way but the process was more painful. "Maybe we should let you recover a bit before our next mission" he mused.

"No, I do not get special treatment remember" I retorted, with a tinge of bitter sarcasm in recalling his words to me.

"Not special treatment, your human, you don't recover at the rate of a witcher" his eyes softening upon meeting mine.

His manner was often confusing, of late he had shown signs of giving a damn about me, but I wasn't sure as to whether this was because I served a purpose, or there was genuine feeling. I looked upon him, his eyes focusing upon the firelight, it seemed to sooth him, as his tense posture relaxed, and his eyes became heavy. I longed to find comfort in his arms, but something stopped the words forming beyond a wistful thought, so I just looked to him through my lashes, as if worried he would catch me staring. I jumped when he muttered sleepily "What?"

"Nothing, just checking on you"

"Checking me out you mean" he grinned lazily.

"Is there nothing I can say that you wont turn upon me" I groaned inwardly.

"Not when I know how much it annoys you, no" he laughed to himself.

I growled, and felt silent, not having the energy for this push and pull, we flirted but never seemed to get beyond it, so I dropped my weary head to ground accepting defeat. Uncomfortable, cold, and pained, I lay there wondering if I would manage to sleep. I pulled my arms around myself, shielding what I could of my body from the chill upon the air. The goosebumps formed as the cold forced a me to shiver, I heard movement, and I turned to find Geralt was not sitting peacefully, he was gone.

"You are stubborn you know that" he growled.

Dropping beside me, pulling me to him gingerly, mindful of the injury across my side and back. He shielded me from the elements, his warmth provided a minimal comfort, but it was enough. I clung to him, I wondered how many missions we had before the return to Kaer Morhen, and whether I would survive the trial. "Geralt" I pressed.

"Yes?" he responded hastily.

"How many more contracts are there?" I questioned.

"This is the last one" he almost sounded wistful.

"Be careful there Geralt, it almost sounds as though you will miss me" I teased.

"Miss you, no, I forgot how horrible it was to have to watch over someone"

"Watch over someone?" I reflected back in confusion.

"You really think I let you go in anywhere alone" he sounded dismissive, but the sentiment was there intentional or not. But he had not truly answered my question, he had artfully evaded it, I wondered who the someone was, as the lost momentary look in his eyes, made me feel a concern for him. But I decided to continue the banter, it felt safer.

"So you have been looking out for me" I sounded more surprised than I intended.

"well thankfully I can return to working alone again soon" he added as if to ward me off any further conversation.

"Maker help me, you cant just say something nice can you" I sighed in frustration.

"You handle yourself well, your a good fighter, quick witted"

"There that wasn't so difficult was it"

"Yes it was" he teased, groaning in mock annoyance.

He squeezed my shoulders, and pulled me back to him. The silence drew out, as I tried to settle against him, when I began to relax into his warm embrace, he grew restless.

"Can I ask you something Chris?"

"Yes" I stated with trepidation, something in his tone had me weary.

"I know you think you will gain much by becoming a witcher, but do you realise what you might lose? The sweet nature within you now will turn cold, it is not true that we feel nothing, but we do feel less, the mutation sees to the end of that connection, and when you do feel it's agony, it takes you by surprise as it becomes so rare. You may not just lose your life, if you survive the woman you are will die"

"She died a long time ago" I stated in a flat rehearsed tone.

"What happened to you?" Geralt pressed.

"I do not wish to speak of it, I only wish to move forward" I confessed sharply.

He looked upon me with curiosity, and what I could only guess to be a version of concern. I had often seen this look, it was so alike to pity than I often confused the two, I pulled up my walls, shutting down. Drawing into his arms rigid, and lost to him. If I had felt close to him, I now disconnected myself, something I had needed to learn, I had to defend myself, as I always had. I was closer to being witcher than he knew, and I would not tell him of it. I feared him pressing me for answers, and now with the memories stirred, I feared sleep, as the dreams would surely come to me, torture me once more. 

The beast that made me, would always wait just in the shadows, creeping, circling me, it's cold lifeless upon me, never leaving me, striking a chill through me. It was only flashes but it was enough, the mist about the swamp rose obscuring my vision through my wide frightened eyes. I couldn't see where it was hiding, but I could hear its low growl, and wheezing, so I feared it was anywhere, just waiting for me to drop my guard. I held tightly to something, but I could not see what it was, I was mouthing words, but I couldn't hear them. Suddenly I was torn from the nightmare to reality, exhausted and confused, I gasped for air, gripping to my sword, rolling away, turning to face Geralt 

"Chris what the hell are you doing?" I heard his words break into my groggy barely conscious mind. I focused upon him, his hands held up, showing himself unarmed, and of no threat to me.   
Then it happened again, I couldn't control it, I began shaking uncontrollably, the panic within me refusing to abate, my sword slipping from my shaking hand. The harsh clang served to startle me further into the pull of this heavy dread, it was too much, my mind and body in overdrive, I could barely breath.

I felt arms around me, and a voice calling to me "Chris, Chris your ok, nothing will hurt you, I am here" it repeated until I felt some control return to me, I could breath, it was painful, but I could breath.

I focused upon that alone, and I found that the shaking abated slowly. I pushed away from Geralt, keen to forget this moment, and the question burning in his eyes. He wanted to know what haunted me, as did I, I had asked Fiona years ago to draw the memory out, but when the attempt ended in me drawing dangerously close to a heart attack, she refused to try again. We fought over this many times, since then, I had wondered if there were other ways, and in silence my search had continued. I had the choice of erasing this memory, or finding one who would draw it out, a sorceress who did not care for me well being.

I dusted myself off, as if I had merely fallen over, and got ready to leave in silence, knowing Geralt was watching me. I knew the truth had not trough choice settled between us, but I still wished to ignore the shadow lurking. I did not wish to be so vulnerable, not with him, not with anyone, that would never be me again.


	12. A thief in broad daylight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lost in thought Chris missteps, and ends up having something important taken from her

I wanted to hasten away from the campsite, leaving behind that moment of weakness, that vulnerability, which had crippled me in the past. Geralts brow was knitted, his eyes narrowed, and still set upon me, he wanted answers, I did not care to give him anything. However I to desired answers to these fearful questions, so lost in thought I failed to see the edge. I can only remember the sensation of falling, I do not know how far, or for how long I tumbled, as my mind protected me from the trauma of my fall, but it did not protect me long from the pain. 

I cried out, I had tried to pull up, only to find my body would not co-operate, instead it send waves of pain radiating through my body, and a dull ache ran through my leg. Dazed and confused, I saw Geralt racing toward me, assessing the damage.  
"Shit, this is going to hurt" he forced a wet stick between my teeth "Bite down" he warned me.

His grip upon my leg tightened, and he pushed it, while using his weight for leverage, all lead to a starling snap of pain, breaking the wood between my teeth, leaving with a bad taste in my mouth, and my knee throbbing constantly.

"What did you just do?" I cried, tears streaming from my eyes.

"I put your knee back in place, next time watch where you are going, this could have been much worse" he chided.

I knew he was right, but the pain washing over me gave me little patience for a lecture, so I grumbled, and asked him to help me to stand. He dragged me up, I hopped along side him feeling foolish. I attempted to stand upon my leg, the surge of pain forced a loud yelp from my lips.

The ear piercing cry couldn't have come from my lips, it was an affront to the ears, so shrill it hurt to hear. Feeling strangely embarrassed, I clasped my hand to my mouth, but it sounded again, much closer this time. That cry, and now audible flapping of wings could only mean one thing, Harpies. The books upon them had not exaggerated the shrill ear piercing cry, it created a ringing within my ears, setting me further off balance. I stumbled backward, and I saw the approaching beast, a gruesome face, bird, and human drawn into this ghastly visage, the cry sounded once more. The strange rocks about its claws seemed to shimmer, draw my attention from the beast to them. I watched them glimmer, they were so beautiful, they lulled me into a eerie calm, allowing the beast to draw close. I felt my eyes begin to roll back, a warmth permeated my scalp, the calm was followed by what I can only describe as alike to a piece of flesh being torn free of a limb. I felt as though this creature was taking a pound of flesh from my head, I cried out with fresh agony. This monster took to the skies, as if it had what it came for. I took my hand gingerly to my head, expecting to find blood, but my scalp was intact, and yet this pain still continued to rush through my head. I was mildly confused, what was causing the pain, there was no injury, not even a hair out of place.

"Are you ok Chris?" Geralt tore over after killing the last harpy that had held him back, while their fellow did its work, and I could not for the life of me recall what it could be. My mind still felt like their was a connection missing, it was a jumble, nothing was clear to me.

"Aren't you getting sick of asking me that?" I winced, as I laughed half heartily at my barded sarcasm.

"Yes" he smiled. "You realise that was not a harpy, that was a celaeno harpy" he knelt beside me, as if waiting for the penny to drop in my pained mind.

I could recall reading about them, what was it they did? my mind was still fuzzy, it was like wondering in a mist, I looked to Geralt none the wiser. "They take dreams, as they are a form of power when crystalized, and she went straight for you, so we can go and do our final mission, or we can track the celaeno down, and find their lair"

"What could they possibly have taken from me?" I posed, the worst case scenarios yet to race through my mind, it was strangely like a weight had been lifted, there was a void, they had taken the dream, that memory. I did not feel paniced, or on edge, I felt strangely flat, it was as if it had taken a piece of me, and without it, I was better, and yet less like myself.

"If they took whatever shook you last night then I would say we have a problem" he cautioned.

"Why is that a problem?, that torture is over" I stated coldly.

"Hmm, yes you seem different, but I would only point out that should your fear fall into the wrong hands, they could use it against you, and the power of your pain, as they feed from it, it weakens you"

"So what do I do with it?" I posed, not caring either way.

"You have to face it, then break it, or it will be what breaks you, I have seen the damage bad dreams can do, freedom from them does not set you free, but rather contains it until the power is great enough to overwhelm, the crystal explodes, destroying the mind of the dreamer. The connection to you will not wane, we need to move quickly. I know your in pain but can you move?" he offered me his hand.

I took it, pulling up swiftly. placing my leg down gingerly, the pain shot through my leg with each careful step, it eased to a dull ache as we gaining momentum. Chasing after the trail, I followed Geralt through a series, of long twists and turns, fighting off more shrieking beasts, they seemed to be growing in numbers, this either meant we were close, or doomed. I looked upon them with cold unfeeling eyes, their shrieks hurt my ears, but I felt no fear for their reaching claws, and sharp beaks. I was able to cut them down dispassionately, not caring about their pain, only wanting them out of my path. When silence finally rang out, I was relieving to not have them cawing in my ringing ears, my ears slowly recovered. 

I saw a strange set of iron doors, Geralt pushing them open with some strain. revealing more caverns, and cliffs, leading up. I wondered if I should just turn back now, as surely if I had to witness my own nightmare, Geralt would see it to, and not only would the terror become real, the memory would become real, and I would be torn to pieces, he would see all of me, know my real motivations, know my past, a past I had tried so hard to run from. A past I had fought every day since, and how becoming a witcher would finally give me that strength, that ability to reclaim my life. I had disconnected myself so adeptly from this memory, it was like shards of glass, fragmented, and once whole, it would be devastating. I did not feel the pain of the thoughts racing through my mind, but I wondered if I should just break that memory, and be free from it, be this new calm, emotionless version of myself. I felt dead inside on some level, but I did not have the emotional capacity to feel saddened by it. I did not say the thoughts within my mind, so I followed Geralt in their lair, knowing I may have to face my greatest fear, if I could feel, I would have ran away screaming.


	13. Silent witness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt witnesses Chris's pain as her memories flood back

Upon our intrusion into the harpy lair, the beasts began a tirade of assaults to stop us in our tracks. If the thieves had stolen anything else there may have been less of a need to cut them down, but Geralt insisted the memories importance, and I would not question his judgement.

I felt no fear as their numbers massed, the only thing I did feel was the pain ringing in my ears from their harrowing cries. I had not seen Geralt use the magic gifted to witchers often, but as their numbers grew he was forced to, a spark of flame burst free of his hand, engulfing the harpies in range, their wings burned as if kindling, the fire was powerful, and fast burning, they didn't last long. Even the smell of their chard flesh did not move me to more than covering my nose, my senses offended, but I was no more than inconvenienced by it.

As the flames became smoke billowing from they carcasses, we could finally begin to move forward, the attacks continued, their blood flowed freely down my sword, I showed no mercy, as I had none. They had created this strange intruder who know cut them down without feeling, it was a freedom I was unable to cherish as I could not enjoy it, I was numb.

We paved our way in their blood toward the inner sanctum of their lair, I saw the celano, holding tightly to the crystal as if it was precious, that memory, that dream was a dark crystal, it held no beauty, and yet the beast looked upon it as if it were a priceless diamond. I did nothing but watch it's flight, it seemed to be in slow motion.

I stood there and thought of how I had always imagined facing my past upon my own terms, but as the creatures flight path drew toward a strange large rounded stone I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it, and because I didn't feel the haste, or worry, I did not charge to stop the monster mid flight, I just watched on as it placed the dream within.

The darkness that seemed to emanate drew me closer, I felt something, beyond the pull of the shadow, a tiny voice begging me to not step any closer, but I couldn't halt my steps, my feet moved as if they were no longer under my control.

Geralt at my side, the mist around us seemed to take on the form of a memory, into which we could glimpse.

* * *

 

_I could see a little girl giggling, her long hair swayed as she skipped along side her mother, holding tightly to her hand. She was then hurried to bed by her mother, stalling the way all children who do not wish to go bed do. They were both was so familiar to me. The longer the memory played the link began to strengthen, the emotion slowly awakening within me. The candle was blown out "I love you mummy"_

_"I love you to my dear, with all my heart" her voice sincere, it seemed to echo around us, as if to stab at my heart._

_In the darkness of night, something stirred, a howl sounded. The girl jolted awake, and the dread rose within me upon the blood curdling scream, she held to her sheets, taking cover over her head, she was praying this was only a nightmare._

_When the screams grew anguished, without thinking I ran to find comfort with my parents. I ran to them, as the door swung open I saw a truly horrific sight, a beast tearing my father to shreds, I wanted to turn away, this disturbing, and sickening image could only be a nightmare, this could not be real my panicked my tried to reason._

_I turned to find my mother, thinking her lost to this evil monster, but my mother lived. She was not helping my father, she was shaking, her eyes darted to me. I was paralysed by the fear the beast struck within me, I could not go to her._

_The beast turned snout dripping with blood, I could only watch his approach wide eyed. I dare not look to my mother, I could not tear my eyes from the horror walking toward me. It's darkened eyes burned with an unknown rage, it's clawed hand swung for me, and in a reflex I jolted back. When I knocked into the door frame, the pain that rushed through my arm acted as a cruel confirmation that this was no nightmare, this horror was real._

_I tore away. I ran toward my brother's room, thinking he would be able to help us, I looked for him but he was gone, I prayed the beast had no claimed him as well._

_I dove into a hiding place, the only safe place I knew. The beast took to ending my mother, I covered my ears, but my hands could not shield me from the ear piercing cries, and as this monster tore her from me. I felt as though it had tore my heart out, the pain in my chest forced me to grasp at it, hoping to still the crazed beat._

_My heart lurched when silence fell, I prayed it would not find me, as I was once again alone. The thumping of its feet sounding its unrelenting march toward me, I tried to still my heavy breath, I wanted to remain silent, but my mind was burning with the desire to scream, and cry._

_The beast searched the house, and tried in vain to reach me, I could hear it snarling, clawing to get in. I found myself torn between a growing rage to kill the beast, the fear, and will to survive, all begged for expression._

_It was a long fearful night, no rest, upon the edge of a knife I waited. When the light of morning finally broke through, the peace that followed the chaos was like a strange void. I felt uneasy stepping free of my hiding place but I found the courage to do so, still fearing that the monster to be waiting around each corner, but each hitched breath found an empty space._

_There was some hope remaining within me that it had somehow been a nightmare. I dreaded walking passed my parents door, but I continued, I stopped dead when I saw the dry blood staining the hall, it had been real. I dropped to knees, calling out for my parents, only to realise all over again, they were gone, they would not comfort me, I was alone._

_I remained curled in a ball upon the hard wooden floor until that howl sounded once more. Fear gave me haste, I pulled up and despite the pain I rushed free of the house, racing toward the swamp, the mist soon had me lost, and confused. The howl grew closer, I had not even realised I clasped my teddy bear to my chest, I had not even noticed picking it up, my dread tightening my grip until my knuckles strained, and my poor bear was in a strangle hold. But now he was all I had._

_I could no longer see, I was terrified beyond any way I have known since. I was going to die, this monster was going to kill me, I would die in agony._

_I could hear it, I cried out for help, but my tiny voice did not carry, it faded in to the mist, claiming my hope._

_A sudden light shocked me, I screamed, a voice called "Child you are safe now, the beast has gone"_

_I looked up my eyes misted with tears to see a gentle grey haired man looking down upon me, his eyes were a strange yellow, but I did not fear him. My heart broken. I took his hand, and was led free of the swamp, and taken to house._

_The family seemed nice enough, but I didn't care as they were not my family, mine was gone. The mother was trying to speak to me, I looked intently over her shoulder, watching my rescuer speak with her husband. I watched him go to leave. I tried to follow him, when I was stopped in my tracks, I cried "Don't leave me"_

_I began to cry, I could no longer hold it back. "Come now child, you are in good hands" he said softly, dropping to my height, he took my hand "my life is too dangerous for a child"_

* * *

 

The mist faded, I knew the rest, the beast had haunted my dreams for years before chasing me down again, I knew then I had to learn how to fight. As the years drew on I became insular, talented at disconnecting from my pain. I only allowed the anger to fuel me, it led me to drive away a good family, who grew tired, and unable to control me.

One night I ran away to save them the trouble of leaving me, I lived alone, learning as I went, tracking the beast as best as I could. Until the trail ran cold, and for a time I stopped in one place. The I met Fiona, the first friend I had ever had. Like a tone of bricks reality hit me, drawing me back to the present moment

I tried to hold it together, thinking about how I had not realised the man who had saved me all those years ago was Vesemir, that was why I felt a bond with him so quickly.

The safety of witcher's was the memory I carried, he had saved me. The pain would no longer be denied or held back, like a storm it raged about me, then dragged me in. I could barely breath, all of the pain flooding back in overwhelming waves. motionless the waves crashed over me, I felt as though I was drowning.

I screamed in agony, terror and in grief. I had closed off the pain for so long, to feel it now it was as fresh as the tears rushing freely from my eyes. I dropped to my knees sobbing, I wanted to forget, I didn't want this, what was I supposed to do with this.

A hand upon my shoulder shocked me, I had forgotten Geralt was there. When I saw him, I closed off, forcing down the lump in my throat.

I tore over to the crystal, smashing it upon the ground, the pieces it broke into did not satisfy me, it only made me feel as if I was too in pieces. I was about to tear away, when the terrible cry of another celano came, louder, it echoed like thunder around us. This was not alike the others, this one was bigger, her eyes dark and lifeless, and yet the rage seemed to radiate off her. I gripped my sword and cried in a rage "You have no right to take from others, their dreams, their pain and put it on display, you will know my wrath"

She dived directly at me, and I leapt upon her, she took flight with me holding on. The fear was not registering only because the anger that was blinding me was so strong. I did not shield my ears from her high pitched screech, blood warmed the inside of my ears, her screams muffled as my blade found her heart. Her cry rang out, she began to free fall, I crashed to ground, lucky to be merely winded, I could have fallen to my death, and I realised this as I regained my senses, my ears ringing, Geralt's obvious scolding was muffled.

I must have been shouting when I responded as he winced when I said "I cant hear you"

I was glad to have the excuse to walk back in silence, the ringing distracted the thoughts which tried to take me to a dark place, one which I may not return from, so I was glad of the pain, and the distraction of it. I followed Geralt's lead to a near by town, he brought me to a friendly older looking woman, I did not hear her name, I got the sense that she was a good woman, a healer. I was looking around her hut, it was stocked with herbs, I was her and Geralt conversed, his eyes often looking back to me, as if he expected me to be gone. I was grounded by the weight of these crushing emotions, and realisations that wanted to come to the fore, but I held back, as I didn't want to realise the truth, the horror was enough, the awful truth would be too much.

The healer approached me, muttering something under her breath, my hearing returned , in a rush of sound assault my ears, everything so clear. Her gentle smile, and kind eyes told of a good soul, but I could not stay another moment. I raced free, hearing Geralt clearly following after me. The pain in my knee was also gone, the dull aches within me all gone. I could now only feel the pain in my heart, as I ran I forced it to work hard, the pain in my chest growing, but I didn't care, I wanted to try and out run it, Geralt hot on my trail.


	14. Catching Chris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris continues to run what will slow her down?

I could still hear Geralt calling after me in vain; I had no intention of stopping. I wanted to face down the monster; I did not wish to rake over the agony it had caused me. I feared the pain that had risen within me, I forced it down, as I forced my exhausted body forth, struggling to breath, I couldn’t think straight as I gulped the air in. My muscles burning, I felt like nothing would stop me, but I crossed over a strange ground, and I felt whispers lulling me to a slow stop. I turned to see a campsite, the crackling fire soothed my frayed nerves, my eyes grew heavy to the hypnotic dance of the flames. I thought I could use some rest, all of a sudden it was all I could think about, my mind no longer racing, I only wished to sleep.

I awoke gasping for air, a demon reaching for me, I was unarmed, and I questioned my will to live in that moment, allowing the demon closer, its ghostly hands took to my temples, they were cold. It felt as though its fingers were pushing through my temples as the pain began radiate through me, my energy slowly draining from me. The demons arms faded as the glimmer of a blade cut through it, dispelling its essence, my head crashed to ground, I hissed as back of head met the ground. Geralt cut through the demon, trapping it to the physical with a trap before it could escape, killing its solid beastly form with ease, before he turned to me, he looked furious.  
“What the fuck was that Chris? Do you have a death wish?” 

I didn’t respond I dropped my eyes to ground as the memories rushed back; I wanted the calm stillness to return. The torment began a new, fresh tears filled my eyes. Geralt grew frustrated when nothing he said pulled me from the void in which I retreated to, I knew this cold dark place well, the shadows enveloped me, holding me silent, and captive, but held back the tide of the cruelty my memories wished to bring back to me. I was cold, and alone, but far away and safe in a strange manner. 

The only words to cut through the shadow were “Should we return to Kaer Morhen?”

I jolted free, snapping back to reality by focusing my tunnel vision upon that goal alone. I repeated it like a mantra, this will be the solution. I took Geralt’s stretched out hand, pulling up, dusting myself off like nothing had just happened. I glanced around the campsite, gone was the inviting fire, the cosy looking tent and bed rolls had been some kind of a illusion to draw me in, and with my need to escape I had walked willingly into the trap. I could now see the bones of others who had only saw refuge, but had found their end, it was as if they slept still. A chill ran through me to think this could have been my final resting place. Had it not been for Geralt I would have died, my bones would to litter this cursed ground.

“How long do you think this twisted bastards been luring people in?” I mused sadly.

“Too long” Geralt stated as he looked around, so many bones littered the ground; it was hard to tell how many had fallen prey to that demon.

I hoped they found peace now the beast could no longer drag in another, I hoped to find my own peace, ending the beast that had stalked my life for too long. I followed Geralt back to the hut in silence; the healer looked relieved to see us.

“Are you both alright?” she pressed her concerned eyes trying to meet mine, I evaded her eye contact, and her comforting words, allowing Geralt to answer for us both.

She reluctantly accepted his empty assurances, allowing us to leave, but she gave us additional herbs and potions just in case. Her kind smile brought forth a sense of guilt, I knew she was only trying to help, but I could not bring myself to say a word, as I feared what may escape my lips if I spoke now, so I remained silent. We returned to our mounts, it was quite a distance to cover; my legs ached, and felt like stone when I found Stalwart. I pulled up with great difficulty, and no grace, slumped forward in the saddle; I struggled to remain steady as we pushed forward. 

Geralt cast his eyes over to me occasionally as if an invitation to talk, or to say something. I knew I must have annoyed him with my endless chatter at times, so this expansive silence must have now been strange for him, but I held to the strained silence. I placed a wall between us, I knew he already knew my pain, but I did not wish it to be on display, I would not be vulnerable, I would not be the victim of that fear again. That fear that led me to always watch over my shoulder, the terror that choked me when I heard a single sound, jolting up as if the beast had returned. I would not suffer this again; this would end with the beast’s life.

We would not reach the fortress before the night stole our clear path, I did not wish to rest, as rest would bring forth the nightmares long since forgotten. As the darkness forced us to make camp, I offered “I will take the first watch”

“Fine” Geralt grumbled, he looked tired of hitting his head against the wall I was building between us.

I watched him for a moment, silent and peaceful, that ability to meditate, close off the world and its distractions was one of the witcher talents I longed for, and soon I would either have the ability to track down that beast, or it would be over. And despite an urge that begged for death, another clung to life, spurring my need for revenge as that was the only feeling I was now comfortable with. I looked out at the forest, the shadows seemed to shift, my eyes played tricks upon me, until they adjusted, even then my mind perceived danger, it was everywhere, I was so focused upon the shadows before me, that Geralts voice startled me “So how did it feel to be without emotion?”

“What?” I responded still startled, steadying my breathing.

“I know what happens when Harpies steal dark dreams, it’s like a broken connection within, that is similar to being a witcher, most times you will not feel anything, how was it?”

“It suited me just fine” I retorted hastily.

“I understand why you’re running Chris, and how you see this as an escape, freedom from the pain, but that beast left its mark upon you, and it has festered, poisoning you. There are other ways to move forward Chris” he stressed.

The pressure in my chest grew with each word, I finally turned to him and stated clearly “I do not wish to speak of it, you do not understand”

“I understand all too well” he stated simply, holding eye contact.

When he drew me in, I got caught in the intense feelings that rose within his stare. I broke away “Your turn to take watch isn’t it?” I artlessly changed the subject, hoping this would close the matter.

He sighed heavily, stepping aside. I took to the ground, staring into the fire, watching the flames dance before me, they did not sooth me. I did not sleep, I remained still, and silent as the light crept slowly back into this world, I focused upon the fire, the ground, and before they faded from sight the stars in the sky. As the light of the sun began to warm me, my tired eyes burned, I pulled up slowly, not even feigning waking from sleep, my pained eyes spoke the truth.

“Yes I know you were awake, you normally snore so loud you wake the forest” he tried to lighten the mood.

I smiled for a fleeting moment, mildly amused, and embarrassed. But I mounted Stalwart, and awaited Geralt, I was keen to set off, and finally get what I had been hoping for, the way to end this nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene at the campsite was inspired by a scene in dragon age


	15. Take the pain away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris is struggling to take on board the past which is catching up with her

The journey back felt longer, this may have been due to the sleepless nights. I suffered greatly, the exhaustion always threatened to drag me into that darkness, but fear kept me from it. Geralt tried to get me to meditate, but his kindness was rebuffed, I felt a measure of guilt as I saw how hard he was trying to be accommodating, and how frustrating I was being, but I could not pull myself free of this void in which I dwelled, neither did I wish to, if I stepped outside the pain would be real. 

Upon reaching the fortress gates, I looked to them hoping the answers lay just beyond them. I had not considered how seeing Vesemir would affect me given his link to my past, had he recognized me? Should I say anything? so many questions rushed through my mind. When I saw him awaiting us, I was struck by the image of him back then, telling me I was safe, his eyes met mine; he was unaware as to the anticipation, and fear bubbling beneath the surface. He looked happy to see us both, he smiled warmly. I rushed toward him embracing him a little too tightly.

"Chris it is nice to see you to but may need to loosen your grip" he strained.

"Sorry" my cheeks flushed as I released him, his eyebrow raised quizzically.

"You look tired, you should rest" he offered upon seeing the dullness of my eyes, and the dark circles surrounding them.

I felt close to collapse, the exhaustion wearing upon me. I had no intention of giving into it, not yet. I didn't quite know what to say, I tried to begin several times but my words failed me. Finally I took a deep breath and asked tentatively, as if I feared the answer "Do you remember me?"

I knew it had been many years, and I was but a child then, and I had changed so much, a small part of me hoped he would say yes, but I knew he had probably helped many people, so why would he remember them all, it was expecting to much. He was now scrutinizing my face, trying to place me, after what seemed like an age his eyes were alight with recognition, or at least that's what I hoped it was.

"The child from the swamp?" he stated seeming a little unsure of his memory.

I nodded in response, as I feared my voice would waver. "Did they ever catch your brother?" he asked curiously.

"My brother?" I felt confused.

"He sought out the curse of the werewolf, a very angry cruel child desperate to gain revenge against those he decided were responsible for imagined slights. I was hired to kill him, but by rescuing you he escaped us. The only monster to ever escape me, I often wondered what happened to him, and you, you most of all. As when I spoke last to Brenan's you had left, they were so worried about you"

"My brother chose to become a monster to kill us all?" I stressed in utter disbelief, not hearing anything beyond those words. I knew he was angry, and that he could be cruel, but I didn't believe he would go so far. So all this time the demon I was seeking was my brother, tightness in my chest shortened my breath.

"You didn't know this?" Vesemir stated as he saw my shock, and horror as the truth dawned upon me.

That demon stalking the dead of night, haunting my nightmares, the monster inspiring this fear was the brother I thought long lost, or dead, but instead I was to discover he was alive and well, with the blood of my parents staining his hands. He had chosen to become a twisted monster bent upon our blood, as he blamed us for what I could not fathom. I was reeling, the blood dripping from the snout of that beast, the horrific deaths my parents suffered at the hands of their own son. It was betrayal beyond measure that I could not understand. I clasped my hand to my mouth to stop the scream that was vying to escape; I sucked the air in past my palm, trying not to spiral.

I looked to Vesemir trying to hide the panic within my eyes, he reached out placing his hand upon my shoulder. I looked at it as if it were an foreign object, I looked back to vesemir, his eyes had what looked to me to be a look of pity, this angered me. I shrugged off his comfort, the only thing I needed and wanted was to end this, and if it meant killing my brother, I would do it.

“I only need find him, and kill him” I growled.

“It will not be that easy the trail is long since cold, even a witcher would struggle with such a task, give yourself time to process this, you have spent too long running”

“What would you know of me, you left with a group of strangers” I spat.

“It would not have been safe for a child, you have seen what we do, and you have barely survived” he snapped.

Our argument was getting heated, I was letting my emotions out unbeknownst to myself, I had wanted to hide my pain, and now I was putting it on display.

“Everyone left me Vesemir, I was alone, I had to defend myself, I was a child I was confused, and angry” I strained as my rage began to lose steam and my tears began to flow, shaking uncontrollably I sobbed. I did not resist Vesemir pulling me into his arms, holding me to him. “I am sorry that you had to suffer”

I pressed my head to his armoured shoulder, not caring that the chainmail was cold, and abrasive. I needed the comfort from someone who had already seen the damage wrought upon me. I found that talking to Vesemir helped me sort through a lot of confusion, as the memories became clear and real for the first time. The pain that followed was difficult to stand, I had not let the grief hit me then, I had to survive. And that was all I had been doing since, Vesemir was right, I had been running, claiming I was chasing down this monster.

I was still however set upon becoming a witcher, but for a new reason, the rage was not gone, but it was not the only thing fuelling me. I did not want another to suffer as I had so I would become a monster slayer, the monsters would not destroy lives if I had a thing to say about it.

Exhausted, I took to a cot in the hall, as I feared the nightmares plagued me once more, the pain fresh and raw, I awoke to the sound of my own screams echoing throughout the fortress.

“Are you alright?” Geralt called as he rushed over blade in hand.

“Yes I am fine” I lied, well there was no immediate danger. “Geralt?” I called after him as he turned back to slink away to rest.

“What?” he grumbled sleepily.

“I can’t let this happen to others, not if I have the strength, and ability to stop it. No one should suffer such things”

“Sadly many do, you can’t save them all, sometimes you will have to sacrifice one to save many, as a witcher you will be expected to make those choices” he stated pointedly as if to remind me of the reality. “We aren’t heroes, we do not lead glamorous lives, you have seen our day to day, and gained a glimpse of the numbness that awaits you, and you still want to go forward with this, your insane” he growled as he left.

I did not agree with his assessment of my mental state, I felt sure this was how I could finally help others, be of use, have purpose, as for so long I had nothing but a debilitating fear, and anger, both I hid so well. Hunted, and haunted all my days, I would not live this way, I would be the one who assure others never had to become this lost.

I dropped my head down to the pillow, not wanting to close my eyes, as I knew the memories awaited me, that beast would hunt me down, and always its faithful leap was cut short, just before its jaws found my throat I jolted awake, exhausted and groggy, my eyes still heavy with sleep, my senses sluggish. The pull of sleep still trying to draw me back, to continue the torture, I pulled up not wishing to relive the hell again. I wondered away from the cots, I wondered the fortress, it was so peaceful, and magnificent in the soft light of dawn. I heard the clear clang of metal meeting metal, I continued outside to find Geralt practicing fighting with Vesemir.

I was still drowsy, but I wondered over, and was talked into swordplay. And soon my tiredness was forced to recede, as I had to be alert for the blade swinging toward me, certainly shocked me awake. The force behind Vesemir’s blade was unexpected, but then why should he take it easy upon me, no monster would. I soon found my stride, and my balance steadied, my blades motion smoother. I was still struggling to hold my guard, the blade scratching across my cheek, drawing blood. It stung, but I did not stop, I continued until Vesemir called a halt to the practice. He coughed “You may want to take a bath, that is days of sweat, and dirt from traveling are offending my witcher senses” he smiled.

“Did you just use humour?” Geralt teased.

Vesemir fixing him with a practiced glare ,that stopped him in his tracks, this amused me. But Vesemir was right the smell was rank, how had I missed it until I began to sweat a new, my clothes were also disgusting. 

I was lead up to a room with a wooden tub, Geralt refused to enter, a sadness lingering in his eyes, I would have pressed him, but I really needed to remove this smell that now assaulted my senses. I walked into the room feeling ill at ease by Geralt's reaction; he must be recalling something, something that pained him. I slowly filled the tub with warm water, it was enough, I cleaned myself thoroughly until the smell no longer lingered. I was able to use some left over supplies to clean my hair so it regain its shine, and a gentle smell of primrose. I found clean clothes upon a divider, plain clothes were just outside the door, I found them as I was about to wonder out in my towel.

I pulled the plain blouse over my head, it hugged to my curves as if bought with me in mind, as did the trousers, I cleaned my boots and pulled them on, drying my hair as best as I could. I wondered out, still feeling uneasy about the expression I had seen upon Geralt's face, I forgot my own problems as I focused upon him. 

I found him wondering the hall “can I talk to you?” those words always managed to sound ominous. 

I followed his direction, he guided me to sit down upon a bed, it was the most comfortable thing in the room. He stood before me, looking down at me sternly “What I witnessed in the Harpy lair..” he began.

I had already processed as much as I could manage for the time being, so I stopped him in his tracks “Geralt, I have thought of this as much as I can, my head hurts, could we not speak another time?” I posed praying he would take me up on it.

“No Chris, we need to talk about this now” he stated in no uncertain terms, his eyes narrowed. I pulled up, trying to side step out of his way, he grabbed my trailing arm, pulling me back “Stop running from this” he growled.

Face to face, my mind racing I did the only thing I knew that would shut him up, I kissed him, he didn’t say anything at first, so I took his hand and led him toward the bed “You would rather sleep with me than talk to me?, well who am I to argue” a sly smile crossed his face. He pulled me to him, this time his lips took mine with passion, he was done fighting me on this, and I wanted anything but more pain.

This was not what I had been daydreaming about but there was a strange and subtle romance to the moment, his fingers tracing my cheek, his skin rough, and his touch gentle. His striking yellow amber eyes catching me in a fervent gaze, I could not break it, the tension was palpable. He slowly drew me to him once more, kissing my lips softly, his fingers brushing into my hair. His lips tracing mine, both of us enjoying the soft passion, my hands remained idle at my sides, until the passion grew to overwhelm me, forcing my hands to pull him closer.

 

He pushed me backward on to the bed, finding my lips again with hunger as he climbed on top of me. His weight lightly pressing to me, the feel of his hard chest pressed to me brought forth the yearning I had been holding back until that moment. I gripped the scruff of his neck, pulling him closer, kissing him hungrily, thriving upon his muffled groans, as he began grind against me, I moaned in appreciation.   
His tongue tasting mine, sucking gently, as he broke the kiss a long groan escaped his lips. The look in his eyes was pure lust, he only desire one thing, as did I. 

He pulled my shirt over my head, my hair cascading back down over my shoulders, he eyed me appreciatively he began to plant soft kisses upon my stomach, his tongue stretched out running between my breasts, I trembled. My nipples hardened at the proximity of his tongue, this drew his eyes to my breasts, he took his tongue to my right nipple, gently kneading the right breast with his fingers, he splayed them over the soft skin, and groped gently, I arched my back in response to the rush of pleasure that delighted my body.   
I gasped as he sucked harshly upon my left nipple, forcing me to cry out, his touch became equally as rough, my sex throbbed, and grew wet with each grope of his hand, and the painful yet pleasurable seal of his lips upon my left nipple.   
He released my breasts, both nipples painfully hard with the high stated of arousal he inspired in me. He pulled his shirt free, dropping to his knees he edged my trousers, and panties free. His warm breath, and stubble teasing at my sex, and inner thighs. He gripped my legs, and buried his tongue into my sex, tasting me. He pulled his tongue back, then slowly extended it back inside me, until I was crying out my pleasure. He stopped just as I was drawing close, I was left frustrated but only for a moment, as he took his tongue to my clit, replacing his tongue with his long fingers, pushing two inside me slowly, allowing my sex to accommodate his fingers. He slowly pumped his fingers inside me, tracing a spot within me that forced delighted cries from my lips, as he continued to simultaneously tease my clit with his tongue. The two different sensations made me lightheaded with the pleasure growing within me.   
My body was wracked with the heady release, I groaned louder than I had before. The waves of pleasure that followed delighted me until another less intense climax racked my body. He didn't stop until he had forced three cries of prolonged delight from my lips. I was delirious with desire, and there was still more to come. 

He pulled up, a wicked grin upon his lips. I could see his trousers now strained to hold in his erection, as he pulled them down, he sprang free. Gripping my legs before I could take my wanting hand to his throbbing cock, he pressed down my legs, allowing him to push deep inside me with ease as my arousal coating him. He growled, he took it slow, enjoying the feel of me, groaning softly with each slow thrust. As his orgasm began to build his thrust became more urgent and forceful, until he was slamming into me. He began groaning a deep guttural moan as he hardened inside me, his warmth filled me as he cried out, gentle moans following each continue after shock of his orgasm. He held still, leaning all of his weight upon my legs as he breathed heavily. He slowly pull out, dropped beside me. His breath still heavy, as I pressed my head to his chest.

“Fuck” was all he exclaimed, with a satisfied sigh.

My thoughts exactly, that had not been how, I imagined it. But he had taken to my body as if he knew all my wants, and desires. I shivered with delight. I drifted into a dreamless sleep, the warmth of his skin lulling me into a strange peace. There was at least no dreams I can recall, I was thankful for that.


	16. How can I tell you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt reveals what him and Vesemir have been discussing

Waking up in Geralt's arms was alike a dream, I had wanted this, and soon my life would change for the better, I could be sure of it in the warmth of his embrace.

"Chris, I know your awake" he chided.

I stopped the charade, I was hoping to remain there in that moment for as long as possible. I began to wonder if I was hoping for more than he maybe willing to give. I had to withdraw my wanting hand from tracing the scars upon his chest. My fingers ached to run through his hair, I was acting like a love sick teenager, I had to pull myself together. I sat up bolt right, turning to him and smiling "I forget nothing gets by you" 

But now as I looked at him I felt my heart leap at the sight of his smile, his inquisitive Amber eyes, shifted, then dulled. He sighed heavily, this was not a good sign, he would no longer look at me. He pulled up, staring out the window for a long tense moment before he spun round. Before he could say a word I cut him off "yes I know what your going to say, it was just sex. That is fine with me" I stated dismissively as if I didn't care.

"You certainly don't have the skill of a mind reader, or psychic, and you're wrong it wasn't just sex, it was amazing sex" he smiled wryly before the stern expression returned. He coughed as if holding off some inevitable conversation. "Me and Vesemir were talking, we decided that to make you a witcher was too great a risk. You are a more than capable fighter.."

I did not hear the rest of his rehearsed speech, I gasped, his words had knocked the wind out of me. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath, I strained my chest was too tight, I had to get out. I acted as though nothing was a miss, Geralt was still talking as I dressed slowly my hands shaking. Geralt had rounded the bed, he had hold of my shoulders "Chris" he pleaded for me to listen, to respond.

As my fury bubbled over, he got a response "You decided, what about what I want" I cried.

"You're not thinking clearly, you're reacting to a past incident" he winced realising his mistake.

"Incident, how dare you, how dare Vesemir, I will become a witcher without your help, just you wait and see" I growled.

I stormed out, slowing when I heard footsteps, I slowed to a wondering pace. Cautious in my path through the fortress, smiling and nodding to Vesemir as if my mind wasn't racing, and my blood not boiling. I stepped out freely into the sun, I raced toward the main gate, mounting roach, I road until dark, only then did I feel OK to stop. 

I staggered off Roach, I felt a cry of frustration forcing its way up, I let it loose. Raging in the shadows with out a care for anything or anyone listening. I found myself on my knees, tears streaming from my eyes as the final force behind the scream faltered. I felt betrayed, and lost, I had no idea where to go from here. I was alone again, with no way of ending the werewolf curse my brother had doomed to any and all to fall into his path. I had to end his reign of terror, there were legends about blood necessary to kill blood, it had to be me.

I hated Geralt so much in that moment, the mere thought of him made me bristle. I could only set up camp, keep my mind busy, I spent time covering my tracks, I was sick of lectures, and the inference of others in my life. I dropped to ground, glad of the mild pain it wrought, it held me back from recalling that soon, the nightmares would have me in there grip.

They did not hold back, this time they were vivid, and frightening. The reality of them made me thank the maker that it had only been a dream. My hands and heart took some time to steady.

I was no better for the rest, if you could call it that. I was still tired, and my anger had not abated. My anger became focused, I had to find someone else, a witch a madman, I didn't care. As I set off again, I had no plan, only that I would take care to hide my path, and scout around for someone powerful enough, or crazy enough to help me.

I had been wondering for weeks finding leads upon witches, and professors that sadly always came to naught. I was getting discouraged but I carried on dragging my heels, there was no sign of Geralt. That could only mean that I had either covered my tracks well or they didn't care enough to come and find me, I never did find out which, and my mind bounced from one to the other rationalisation depending on my mood. At my lowest I thought they like everyone else did not give a damn, I felt very alone. I steeled myself to push aside the pain, run from it like I always did, but like my past horrors it returned in dreams to haunt me.

This additional pain only strengthened my resolve to become a witcher no matter the cost, I was becoming desperate, and I remained angry. It was then that I met professor de Clare he had over heard my conversations and he was intrigued. 

He was a tall man, when I stood to greet him he towered over me, slender and his face was rather gaunt, he looked alike to the undead. I felt weary of him, but my need over road my reason. I followed him to his laboratory which was not what I expected, he seemed to be well funded, I often wondered who funded him and why, but I never pressed him for the information, I was obsessed by my own need. His work was also well respected, or so he would have me believe. His appearance was the one of the off putting things about him, another was his drive, I knew he was curious, but there seemed to be more to it, yet another red flag I ignored in the pursuit of my own selfish need.

"I need the ingredients for the trial my dear" he pressed, more eager than I to press on.

When I told him all of the rite I felt as though I was betraying Vesemir, but it did not stay my hand or silence my tongue. Before he began his butchery, I had one clear thought maybe it would be fitting that I die.

"Are you ready my dear?" He repeated.

I barely nodded, he gave me herbs to soothe what would be agony, it would take the edge off it at the very least. 

The trial is not for the faint of heart the agony was a sustained white hot fire within my veins, when one pain dulled the next began relighting the fire. I writhed in pain as the time and trial stretched out, just when I thought there could be some relief, the mutations began, my eyes felt as though had been torn free of there sockets, I howled in agony as my sight faded, and the world was lost to me, soon all my senses failed me, if I was still screaming I could no longer tell. I was disconnected from this world, then suddenly it was over, I fell into a dreamless darkness, a void, vacuous, I wondered if this was death.

I found myself awake, my eyes opened, I could one again see, but the world seemed strange, I could see his and hear his heavy breath as if it was in my ear, not a pleasant sensation. So I had survived, and I was now a witcher, I felt my senses running wild, this must be why Geralt mediates I thought, this was an overwhelming sensation, that I would have to work upon containing. But I had no mentor, no one to show me the way, I was alone, and I was traitor, now Geralt not Vesemir would speak to me for good reason, it strangely felt easier to think of them as my enemies, and I theirs, because that way them not caring made sense to me. I may have survived the trail, but I would be dead to them.

I pulled my feet over the edge of the table, I could see my blood alight on mass around and upon the table, how had I survived this, and why was there no pain, I was curious but thankful.

"Ah you finally awake, you almost died many times, I was amazed each time you managed to hold on, you're a fighter my dear. It took your body days to heal itself fully" De Clare called over, his voice seemed to echo. His smell was now offensive to my strong witcher senses, I wanted to back away as he drew close, but there was no room, so I smiled through the nauseating stench. "You are a success, this is a first, a female witcher, I wonder how you differ to your male counterparts, I can't wait to find out, the joy of discovery" his enthusiasm ringing in my ears.

He aided me to stand, my legs were a little shaky, but it soon passed. I felt stronger than I had ever been, I could now do what I had set out to do. He gave me some light armour made for me, gifting me two swords, now I truly looked the part. I almost felt proud of myself, it didn't last. As it seems one of major differences was the signs were more prevalent than strength, and because I did not know how to control them I often activated them when I had no intention to. Setting De Clare alight, throwing him across the room, stunning him, then placing a shield up that exploded upon his touch. I felt a fool to think I could master this, I was no witcher, I was a desperate fool who had made a grave mistake and now, I could not take it back, not without bloodshed.

We pressed on, and continued the testing despite the many injuries De Clare sustained he soldiered on for science. My own injuries healed at speed, it amazed me each time, how fast my body recovered. I slowly began to gain some control of my senses and signs, they no longer attacked me, they alerted me to danger. My ability to wield the signs now flowed free of my body as if they were second nature, the pressure and discomfort passed. 

It had been months, De Clare had begun to take to his laboratory, I saw him rarely. I listened to his mumbles, but he revealed nothing to me, he became very secretive. It was only when I saw his visitor, I realised the true impact of what I had done, he was going make more witcher's for a purpose I had never questioned, but this poor fool, did he know the risks, did he know the likelihood of it being a death sentence. I could tell he was clueless he was too enthused, he had been told less than I, I would not let this go forward I had to stop the madness I had started before it was out of control.

I beat at the doors of the laboratory, he had the doors locked, and reinforced. That would not keep me out, the force behind my magic was greater than either of us expected. The doors dos not fly free, but they strained, the chain holding them snapped. They swung open revealing the professor and his new guinea pig. He was wide eyed, he looked to me with awe and fear, the professor was annoyed but proud of his greatest breakthrough. 

"Chris, this boy only wants to be like you, able to fight, demons" that pause told me he had intended to say something quite different, so this was to be an army of sorts.

"Does he know this will likely kill him" I hissed.

The boy turned to professor stammering "is this true?"

"No, she is spouting nonsense" he snarled at me.

"Vincent deal with our intruder" he called. 

This was a name he had uttered once or twice, but never revealing what or whom he was. Whoever he was he was quiet, and fast. His hand took to my throat "now the professor doesn't want to damage one of his greatest achievements, do not force my hand, even witcher's can die of grave injury"

I felt a failure for not sensing him, he let go, when I turned to attack him he dissipated appearing behind me. "If you insist upon being trouble, I will show you out"

He was strong, he caught me off guard, and dragged me out. So I was not allowed in or to leave under his guard dogs watch, who I discovered was a vampire the professor had experimented upon, another of his successes. I was forced to listen to that poor boy die in pure agony, and he would be only the first of many, I had to so something.


	17. The reason becomes clear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris finds out a small part of why she is being held prisoner

I had to get into that laboratory, but I remained under the watchful eyes of Vincent at all times. He was not easy to see even as a witcher, but I was becoming acclimatized to his presence, so I could at least pull back before he lunged, I never got far. The signs could only hold him off for so long before they took too much of my energy to sustain, I would drop to my knees, and he would sweep in and drag me back to square one, this was a frustrating game. The consequences of which became a growing pile of bodies, unwilling lambs to the slaughter. I grew angry as the guilty stung at me, I threatened to kill the professor in my rage.

“Look” Vincent’s smooth voice came from behind me. I was startled momentarily, as in my rage I had not been thinking. “I do not subscribe to the theory of the blood of the living sustaining us, a friend of mine told me this. But if you harm our master, I may rethink that” he threatened me.

As he spoke he rammed me to the wall, his hand forcing my chin up, so his words were breathed as a threat against my throat. This sent a cold shiver down my spine; I could fight him off, or kill him, as I had already tried. I was trapped. As I regained my breath, my pride remained wounded; I repeated one word he had stated that did not sit right with me.

“Our master?” I spat in a derisive tone.

“He made you what you are didn’t he?” he posed in an almost childlike voice, that given the violence only moments ago was in stark contrast.

So he loved, or at least respected the professor, I was merely here to serve it would seem. I had wanted to serve in the army, but for a worthy cause, not as a servant to another. “He did not make me, my mother and father did that, maker rest their souls” I stated in a flat rehearsed tone.

“He did not make me a vampire, but he made me strong. I am grateful, but you are like a spoilt child, you got what you wanted now your stomping your feet for more, this is why we end up hating humans, no sense of loyalty”

“Loyalty, he got his formula to create witcher’s, that’s what he wanted, I gave him that. So he got what he wanted, and now he is not satisfied with that, he holds me here against his will, with a lackey” I growled, glowering in his direction.

He merely observed me through his dead eyes, they held no light, no spark, shadowed, and soulless. They put me on edge, I gripped my sword as he held steady in his gaze. He vanished before my eyes, speeding behind me, whispering “Boo” in my ear. Shocking me, forcing me to turn to face thin air

He cackled to himself “That never gets old, some witcher you are” he taunted.

I would have shouted him down, but he was right, face to face with a monster, and I couldn’t kill him. I was useless as a human, now useless as a witcher, it was then I hatched a plan to escape, I needed help to stop both of them, there was only one I could think of who may at least hear me out before turning me out into the cold, Fiona, she would know how to kill a vampire. All the old legends had been just that, all methods known failed. Vampires strong already, this vampire had been made stronger by De Clare, so he was no ordinary beast, I wondered how many other beasts he had at his beck and call. 

I was leaning against a tree when De Clare stepped out, I was tempted to run at him, but before the thought was clear in my mind, I heard “Don’t even think it” Vincent hissed in my ear. I hated the way he did that; no one should be that quick or quiet enough to sneak up on a witcher.

He must have seen the dark intent within my harsh stare, and my hand so tight upon the hilt of my sword that my knuckles turned pale white. I eased my hand, holding them up in a mock surrender.

“Success” De Clare rang. “Now my dear Chris, you have your first solider to train”

That was what he wanted me for, he wanted me train his army as he was too busy killing to bother with such distasteful tasks. I glanced at the man who stepped out from the laboratory. He unlike the previous guinea pigs was older. A light grey peppering his hair, gentle lines only just beginning to form around his eyes, and upon his now furrowed brow. 

“This is Rowan, teach him all he needs to know” he stated to me as if I was a trusted friend, not a prisoner. I held my tongue due to the proximity of Vincent, who shot me a warning glance.

Rowan was standing before me awaiting orders, I groaned inwardly, what had I gotten myself into, it was a tangled web I had weaved. I looked him over, he looked as if he looked after himself, well defined, possibly already a solider. This man was different, made me wonder if like me he had volunteered to be butchered. His cheek bones were chiselled, his amber eyes were trained upon me, he was a very handsome man, had I been able to think of anyone but Geralt when I saw his eyes, I would have treated him differently. But each time his eyes fell upon me intentionally or not, I seethed with unexpressed rage.

“So, Rowan” I spat. “I have good news” I smiled wickedly. “We have our very own monster to practice upon, Vincent” I called. “Where are you hiding?” I almost purred. The idea of watching someone kill him over and over pleased me immensely.  
He appeared in the trees above us, I turned seeing him just before he hissed “What do you want?” he looked down upon us with scorn.

“Well our master needs our troops trained, and what better way than genuine practice”

He narrowed his eyes “What are you up to?”

“Don’t be so suspicious” I tisked “this is for our cause” I stated dripping with sarcasm, a wry grin upon my face.

“Is it not best for him to learn from example, I will gladly fight you and show him what not to do” he remarked. Gripping my arm, Vincent dragged me into a clearing, releasing me, and turning upon me, bringing forth the rage he too had been holding to.  
I readied myself, his tactics had begun to show a pattern where I was concerned, he was intent to embarrass me. So as he rushed me, he faded in a blur as expected, and as he materialised behind me, I forced my blade through his chest enjoying the look of pain that crossed his face. I also relished the fact that his master had forbade him from hurting me, so he had to hold back. I took my time pulling the blade free, drawing out his anguish, his cries a delight to my ears. I watched him drop to the ground knowing he would be back up again momentarily, so I called to Rowan “Ready your sliver blade we have a monster to fight”

“But he is dead, isn’t he” he scoffed as if I should have known better.

“Do not be a fool, many legends are just that, he will be pissed about that, so he will angry, so watch yourself”

He was quick to return, and he was indeed filled with rancour. This made him sloppy in his attacks, I exploited this first glimmer of weakness in his character, his pride drove him to stupidity, I only need to keep pushing him. I forced my blade through his back while he writhed from Rowans shoulder barge, and my magic had added to the force. 

“Well done Rowan, I think I may like you after all” I laughed.

I smiled genuinely for but a moment amidst this nightmare, and even that was enough to inspire the guilt to return. The bodies mounting up should not have been a concern to me, and yet I still cared. The strength of the emotion was less than it had been, but this incessant sting of guilt would not allow me to forget it. Remaining an annoying bee buzzing around in my head, I grumbled. I had been hoping to be emotionally dead, but that too must have been a legend. But I was the first female witcher, so maybe things were different, I took out my frustrations upon Vincent, who somehow managed to hold back from hurting me, despite the pain, and embarrassment I inflicted upon him for hours.

Rowan was a capable fighter, quick, strong, and followed orders well. I could see the his amplified senses were troubling him, as his eyes strained, and he often was forced to cover his ears when we halted the training.

I sighed heavily wondering over to him “Your senses will throw you for a time, but you will learn to focus them” I assured him.

He looked up, and smiled for a moment, I forced down the bile that rose in my throat as he brought forth memories of Geralt unbidden to my mind. I gritted my teeth, then I forced a tight smile. I grabbed a few branches, and kindling, enough to make a small fire. I raised the flame from my hand, and with a quick flick of my wrist, I lit the fire.

I sat beside Rowan “Sit comfortably” I ordered.

He did as he was told, then awaited my next order patiently. “We are going to meditate, it will help calm your mind, and it can aid the healing process” I instructed. 

I talked him through a guided mediation, finding my own peace as the world slipped away, all of the thoughts clambering to the fore of my mind were pushed aside. I relaxed, feeling a calm I had much needed. Sadly I didn’t last; true to form Vincent got his revenge, startling me out of my meditation, forcing me to clutch my chest.

I stormed over to him, leaving Rowan to meditate. “Damn you that was the first moment of peace I have found in months” I growled.

“That is only a small taste of what I really wanted to do” he glowered.

We began circling each other like predators fighting over territory, each of us had our eyes trained upon the other. 

A loud yowl tore my eyes away, I turned to see, Rowan a flame. I rushed over knocking him to ground as he flailed in panic, I rolled him upon the ground, stopping only once the flames ceased. I forced a potion down his raw throat, he cried out, but this would aid the healing process. He slowly healed; I waited until he seemed to be out of the words before I declared “What the hell were you doing?”

He strained to say “I was trying to cast a sign of magic like you did, but it seemed to get out of control a little too quickly, and then, this” he winced.

“We will learn how to cast the magical signs tomorrow, I think you should rest, heal. And don’t try that again without supervisor” I chided.

He seemed suitably contrite, I felt sorry for the fool, he was in pain for most of the night. I rarely slept, as the dreams had only gotten worse as a witcher, so I wondered the forest as far as Vincent would allow me to go. I enjoyed the still of the night, one thing being a witcher had done was take away my fear of the darkness, it had not happened immediately, but slowly I grew to love wondering at night. I looked up to the blanket of stars, wishing for a sign, I was not religious, but I felt trapped, I wanted something to show me I would find a way out, but silence, and stillness reigned over the forest. I would not be escaping tonight.


	18. Can I fix what is broken?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris knows she must do something, she hatches a plan of escape, will all go according to plan?

Harrowing cries rang out from De Clare's laboratory, and when silence fell and remained it was a sign of another innocent to die at his hands, and I had given him the tools of his torture. I could not take hearing another victim die in agony, I had to escape. I turned to see Vincent ever watchful, hate burning in his eyes. I returned his glare, I shared his loathing. I hated myself for being so desperate that I couldn't foresee such consequence. But beating myself up would not fix it, although I felt with every fiber of my being that I deserved it.

Rowan had been a wonderful distraction, honing my skills and his. We worked hard; I had been testing how long it took for Vincent to reconstitute his form after being cut down. It was not much of a time window, I needed longer, something had to buy me more time.

"Are you ok Chris?" Rowan asked out of necessity rather than concern.

"Sorry I am just a little distracted" I confessed, this seemed to satisfy his curiosity.

I wondered if I could confide in Rowan, I had the feeling I would be forced to as I ran out of options, and saw a new supposed volunteer for the professor’s butchery. Soon the silence would be filled with his screams, I would have taken my hands to my ears to block out the sound but my witcher senses prevented that being an option, I had to suffer every labored breath, every holler, the breaking bones, the failing heart slowing. I looked to the closed door of the lab, I sighed waiting for the torture to begin. As expected the cries rang out, the heart stopped, but this time the heart began a new, there would be a new witcher added to the ranks making it harder for Vincent to keep track of all of us. I need only set it up as a training exercise to guise the means of my escape, they could hold back Vincent, should he decide to pursue me, I would have a head start, and a means to hold him back.

My magical ability was beginning to rival that of a sorceress, my defensive signs had improved far beyond that of my male counterparts, and now I was able to move at speed holding an expansive barrier in place. I was able to stun other witcher’s, even use the signs upon them successfully; the effect was not long lasting, but enough to escape. I commanded the elements using a powerful kinetic force to send my opponent flying, my traps could even hold and weaken Vincent, again not for long, but it was progress. The only sign that had not been honed was igni, I still could command the flames, setting Vincent alight many times, enjoying his screams of agony, so deep was my hate for him.

As the new witcher stepped out of the lab the next day to the cry of success, I looked to him. He was not alike Rowan, he was not muscular, but he was lithe and fast, his slender build adapted the mutations to speed rather than strength, this would aid in distracting Vincent. I had made up my mind this would be the night I escaped, Kyle was enthusiastic to get started, and I was more than willing to get him some hands on battle experience. I aided him in training with me first, honing his abilities enough so he could do more than annoy Vincent, and thankfully he was a fast learner.

That night I called both Rowan and Kyle over, it was strange to have them look to me for guidance and leadership. I felt a small measure of guilt for misleading them, and leaving, but I needed to set this right, I had to remove Vincent from the equation and end the professor. De Clare in the name of discovery was racking up a disturbingly high body count, and I had not seen their grisly deaths, but I had heard every last breath, and it horrified me to know I had played a part in this. I instructed Rowan, and Kyle to take to fighting Vincent, I trapped him with yerden not giving him a choice, having to defend himself from a myriad of attacks. I slipped away in the madness knowing the woods like the back of my hand, I rushed through them, using all means at my disposal to cover my tracks, soon I was a distance from what had been my prison, I did not stop, I could not. I only stopped through exhaustion, knowing that Vincent knew nothing of Fiona, so he would not know to follow me, and in this case having no family was relief, they couldn't use them against me to hold me any longer.

I stopped for short time in a nearby town, sleeping for only three hours, eating and drinking only enough to sustain me before I set off again. I bought a horse on my travels to make things progress faster, as with each passing day another volunteer would fall prey to the professor’s tests. 

I crashed through Fiona’s door without so much as a hello, I knew she hated that as most only asked her for favors. Her defensive stance dropped when she saw me, she ignored my ramblings rushing to embrace me, I relaxed only for a moment, allowing her this small moment, and myself some small peace.   
After which I looked to her impatiently, my eyes pleading her to not ask questions, she read my expression well, and asked only one question "Are you a witcher now?" she scrutinized my strange purple cat like eyes.

"Yes I am, and I know you hate this but I need your help" I stressed the urgency in my tone.

"What do you need?" she sat me down listening intently as I explained the complicated mess I had gotten myself into.

"You know I can’t help you kill him, I can only slow him down, and there is no guarantee on how long this spell will hold him?" she pressed for my understanding.

"I understand" I assured her.

As she brewed the strange concoction we caught up as best we could, nothing much had changed here. My life however had become one fantastical tale after another which if I hadn't lived it I would have thought them tales of fiction, but sadly I knew them to be true. She saw the pain weighing upon me "I thought witchers don't feel" she quipped trying to lighten the heavy mood.

"I seems it doesn't work that way, it steels your nerves, and dulls certain emotions, but it does not stop them. I still feel, and at times it feels worse than I recall, but maybe that's because I have stopped running, I am now facing this, and I am weary Fiona. My brothers still out there destroying lives, I must fix the madness I started, then I will finally end his reign of terror, he has escaped justice too long, as a human I did not have the strength to kill him, but as a witcher I can track him down, and finally end this" I sighed heavily.

"Realize this, even if you do end his reign of terror free those he has cursed, that may not be enough to save them, and killing him will not be easy for you" she warned me.

"I am not naïve anymore Fiona, I know that even if you do the right thing the result maybe not what you hoped for, trust me I know all too well. But I must do this" I looked to her feeling the weight of conscience bearing down upon me.

"Ok it’s done" she chimed after a long silence only broken by the stirring of the potion.

She passed me a thick green potion "Drink" she pressed.

"What? I was hoping to throw it in his face" I half smiled.

"He is a higher vampire, his senses are as apt as yours he would smell it a mile off, and so the potion must run in your blood. And considering the worrying stories you have detailed to me, he is desperate for yours. I am worried for you, can you not ask for help?" she stressed looking to me with concern urging me to heed her words, and warning.

"I am asking you, am I not?" I added in a flippant tone.

"You know who I mean?" she chided, annoyed but me being flippant about such a matter.

"I have burnt that bridge I am afraid, I didn't want to involve you, but I had nowhere else to turn" I admitted sadly.

I didn't want her mired in this mess along with me, and it pained me to have no choice. I was broken by the thought of Geralt hating me, but I knew I deserved his scorn.

"He sounds dangerous please be careful" she stressed as she pulled me into a tight embrace; she refused to let me go for a long time. 

Finally she released me, tears tracking down her cheeks, the worry and fear evident in her eyes. I lifted the potion drinking it as swiftly as I could, the taste was foul but not long lasting, it was the pain that struck me. My veins darkened as the poison was acclimated into my blood stream, the burning subsided, and I found my breath again, gasping. I held to Fiona's outstretched arm, recovering, my vision clearing. I pulled up; taking a deep breath I bid her farewell not looking back, as I could bear to see the pain in her eyes any longer.

I began to make my way back, knowing I was now ready to fight back. This would not be easy, De Clare was not exactly a monster, and nothing was that black and white, taking his life would just be another weight to add upon my heavy mind. I made my way remaining weary and alert knowing Vincent would be on my trail.

I found him two days out circling a forest, manically looking for signs of me. His eyes widened upon my approach, he was about to rush me, I swiftly placed a shield in place watching his rage burn with greater intensity "How dare you abandon your post" he hissed, as if we were some army fighting for something worthwhile.

I laughed at him, I needed to incite his anger, make him lash out. I dropped my barrier once he was boarding on psychopathic. He lashed out catching my arm with his blade like claws, my blood sprayed across him, the response was quick and violent, he cried out as the poison burned within him, he dropped to ground, he couldn't move, I taunted him to be sure, he did not respond.

This was my window to return, I travelled as far as my body could handle, finding shelter in a cave when I could go no further. I rested for a short time, to find a rude awakening. Geralt was standing at the entrance to the cave, his stony glance cast upon me. He was about to motion forward, when I threw up a barrier holding him back, he grew frustrated when he couldn't break it.

"Why are you here?" I spat, knowing the answer but not wanting to believe it.

"De Clare hired me to track you down”   
“Fitting indeed, but do not be so foolish Geralt, I know my mistake the guilt haunts me, I intend to correct my mistake I return to the professor having trapped his protector”  
“I can't trust you” he declared, I felt my heart lurch.

“You will have to as I doubt you wish to come with me” I scoffed.

“I don't despise you, you know, I feel angry about how foolish you were, betrayed by your disappearance and handing over our secrets like they meant nothing. Like vesemir, and my fellow witchers were nothing, like we were…” He didn’t finish that sentence, a flash of fury, and pain in his eyes made me feel ashamed. He continued “I didn't want to sentence you to death. But that's in the past, you are a contract, and I will collect” he stated coldly.

His words felt like arrows shot through my pained heart, it had suffered so much at my own hand, and now his to. He tried to sneak up on me he failed, unprepared for how strong my magic would be, I sent him flying across the room. Knocking him unconscious with the force of the blow, I assured myself he was uninjured before I left him there, I looked down upon him. "I am so sorry Geralt" I knew he did not hear me, but I needed to say it for myself.  
Now I had to return to the professor, and finally put an end to this madness. 

When I found him in his laboratory he was lost in his work, he didn’t even hear me approach, I could have stabbed him in the back, and yet I felt I owed him better than that.

So I asked the question that had been plaguing my mind “What is this army in aid of?” De Clare was startled, jolting back holding a small blade in his shaky hand toward me. 

He dropped the blade when he realized it was me “Chris you have returned, I knew you would not abandon me” he stated jovially as if I had a choice in the matter.

He saw the grave expression holding upon my face, imploring him to answer me. He finally sighed and sat down “It is for King Radovid, he wishes to have an army to end any who should rise against him”

“Why would you agree to work for Radovid, he is merely a monster with a crown” I cried in disbelief.

“He promised to fund my research” he stated his voice small.

“What research?” I pressed my eyes narrowing upon him.

He looked aggrieved to tell me, but I was not giving him a choice, so he began “My daughter was am innocent, but monsters care not for such things, it took her in to fatten her up. But then the beast decided to keep her, made her in its image. I will find a way to cure her, no matter what I must do; I will give everything to have her back”

He led me into the depths of the lab; I kept my wits about me, aware that this could be a trap. He brought me round to find a monster raging against the bars that held it, there was nothing human left of her, this was no curse, this was a passage of time, her mind gone, she had grown as a monster he gangly limbs, and awkward gait showed it. She was in immense pain; she could barely breathe given that she had never been able to fully develop as a human before she was turned. I looked upon her with pity, she was an innocent destroyed by the whims of a monster. De Clare looked to her in hope, a strained hope that over the years he had clung to more desperately with each passing year.

“Well you to are a fool, I cannot undo all the damage my brother wrought, I only added to the body count, and now I will spend the rest of this life trying to atone, for his sins, and my own. Can you not see your daughter is long gone? What is left is not her, she is suffering, the change has destroyed her body, you bring her back and she will die in great pain. You have become a monster yourself, no longer a father. She has suffered enough let her go" I pleaded.

"I cannot" he shook his head.

"Know I do this with a heavy heart De Clare you were a good man once, but if you refuse to step out of the shadows I must do what is right as you can no longer see what that is" I pulled my blade free of its sheath.

"Allow me one last moment with her" he begged.

"If you must" I sighed heavily.

In his desperation for a normal final moment with her he tried to embrace her, she clawed at him until he was a bloodied mess, he sobbed in anguish, and agony as he clung to her, his jaw clenched as drew her sharp claws deeper. A small mercy in her taking his death out of my hands, I still had to kill her. 

She turned upon me her eyes wild, she was hunched, her visage beastly, it did not make the kill any easier, but I made it swift. I buried them side by side, father and daughter reunited in the next life, as they lost each other and themselves in this one. Poor child she was innocent, this made me see purpose were for so long I saw nothing but death, horror, and deception. I took a long time to leave their graves, there were no words to express the pain within me, so I let it rage within me as I walked back to the edge of the forest. A sharp pain to the back of my head, and the world was in darkness.


	19. Vengeance will be mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris finds herself in Vincent's hands

My head hurt, I forced my eyes open, seeing a blurred rush of figures beside me. I tried to pull away, but found I couldn't move. I tried lifting my head, this was an effort but doable, my vision cleared to see an unwelcome sight, Vincent, a cruel smile upon his pale face.

I knew he would catch up with me, but not so soon. Why was I tied down? he was more than capable of killing me.

"What is this?" I pressed trying to sound less alarmed than I felt.

"I wish to see you suffer, your death alone would not satisfy me. You killed him in a horrible fashion, so now I will do the same to you" he barely managed to contain the rage burning within him, calling him to a near frenzied state. I could hear his muted growls.

I was done explaining why I had to kill De Clare, and doubt it would comfort him to know De Clare died at the hands of his daughter. Vincent would not hear reason, he loved him like a father. I was doomed unless I found a way to freedom. I began silently pulling at my arms, trying to free myself.

"Now don't be so rude Chris we have dinner guests" Vicent declared with relish, he delighted in my growing fear.

I turned to see either side of the table a man, both vampires, both looking to me as if I was a slice of meat. Vincent wondered over to me, pulling a blade free, I pressed back against the chair, I had nowhere to go. He traced the cold blade across my skin, cutting my vest free of my body. The cool air lapped at my skin, sending a another chill through me. He drew the blade harshly against the side of my neck, a mere scratch, but the drops of blood were enough to awaken his new friends.

The man to my left brushed my hair from my neck, I tried to pull away but I couldn't even budge, my breath quickened as his breath tickled at my skin. He seemed to hesitate for a second, his tongue pulled over the quick drying blood, making my skin crawl. He took his time drawing out the moment before the first bite, only satisfied when he could feel me trembling.

The agony that cut through me was immeasurable but I didn't want him to get the satisfaction of my pain, I braced against the chair, steeling myself to take each new wave of pain. He stopped, pulling his fangs free, I felt weary, but relieved he had stopped. I shouldn't have let myself relax, as it was then that the second man took his lips to the other side my neck sinking his fangs in deep. I hissed through gritted teeth although all I wanted to do was scream. 

I must have passed out, as I again awoke still tied in place, my neck throbbing on both sides, my arms and chest were covered in bite marks, how was I still alive I wondered, I was glad, but in a state of shock.

"It seems it will take longer to bleed you dry than we thought. Well, no matter this is a feast, gentlemen finish her off. And this time make her scream I tier of her silent suffering" he hissed.

"What else can we do master?" they ventured.

"I don't care hurt her, make the bitch suffer. I want her screams to ring in my ears, delightful sound they will be" his voice cruel and twisted, his eyes upon me.

They once again took their lips to my throat, sinking their fangs in, I was so weakened, I did not have the strength to hold back my scream, I hated giving him exactly what he wanted.   
He looked to me with a twisted cruel expression, he was delighted to watch me suffer.

The two vampires aside me, where gone suddenly. I was reeling as the pain had stopped, and two vampires had fallen silent, but for the thud behind me. Whoever they were they moved silently. Vincent was backing away slowly, his joy replaced by terror. "I am sorry my boy but you know what your doing here is wrong, you know where this type of behaviour leads. It draws unwanted attention, so you will come with me" the stranger ordered, Vincent did as he was told begrudgingly, giving me one last icy stare, as if he hoped looks would kill.

I felt the bindings loosen, I was free. I had no strength to run, I dropped in a heap to the ground. Some unknown assailant of this man lifted me, that's all I can recall.

Fragments of consciousness came, pain, faces, an unknown older gentleman, a grim looking man with dark hair, and a third who tried to stay out of sight. Only when I heard a small part of conversation did I realise who it was.

"They really laid into the the poor girl, she is a mess, these will scar I am afraid, no fix for that"

"Scars are nothing to a witcher, and this ones good at making enemies" Geralt grumbled.

"You have that in common then" he quipped in a quick and jovial manner.

"I didn't betray my own" he stated coldly.

"Why come to me and ask me to save her Geralt?" The well spoken man pressed.

"Her annoying witch friend begged to the point of annoyance. She followed me everywhere, she wore me down" he reasoned. I would have to thank Fiona if I recalled this conversation.

"Fine I won't press the sore point any further" the well spoken man relented.

"Thank you" he sighed with relief.

"So the first and only female witcher fascinating, her eyes are purple not yellow, why is that different?" His pressed his curiosity piqued.

"The magical gene within a female is never truly dormant so the witcher gene made it active then amped it up to beyond that of a male witcher. Her magic can rival a sorceress, don't tell anyone I said that" he joked.

"Yes you would not live it down with either side" he teased.

"Just make sure she doesn't die, I have done all I can" I stated trying to draw an end to the conversation.

"Might be easier for her to see a face she knows upon waking" he ventured.

"I can't be here for her" he groaned in annoyance.

"Sorry I am pushing it again"

"No, it is that I have found lead on ciri, I have to follow it"

"I understand, I will help her to, unless you want me to tell her nothing"

"No you can tell her, and give her this, it's a gift from Vesemir, old fool is getting soft in his twilight years"

And with that he was gone from my life again, it's a shame that my emotions didn't dull like my nerves. I was lucky to be alive, any human would have died at that table.

I awoke again with a greater consciousness, I could think more clearly, but I could also feel the pain. My skin was still raw, I looked down at my arms and chest, puncture wounds across every piece of flesh. They would serve as a reminder than a witcher is not invulnerable, and can make dangerous enemies as well as powerful friends. So many lessons I would rather not have learnt came to pass of late, they were difficult to take.

The man unknown to me strolled in, a gentle smile upon his pale aged face "Ah your awake, I should introduce myself Regis, a friend of.."

"I know" I cut him short not wanting to hear his name, the pain was all too fresh. "I am sorry, I do not mean to be rude, I just don't want to hear his name" I stressed, hoping he understood, and didn't think me childish in my need.

"I have been in love a few times in my life my dear, it's too fresh, I understand" he assured me.

The word love seemed to stab at my heart, a reminder of what I could of had but lost, I sighed heavily. I tried to pull up, but found myself to weak to stand, Regis ran to my aid, catching me mid fall "you maybe a witcher but you still need time to heal, he almost killed you. He is a very angry boy Vincent, always has been a little too emotional that one"

"I understand his rage"

“It’s very admirable that you are trying to understand his perspective, but if I had let him go he would have succeeded in killing you next time. He needs time to think, and I hope he can change” he sighed heavily, he looked doubtful, and this saddened him.

I would have shown concern for Regis had I not still been in consumed by my own pain.“Maybe it’s what I deserve, I did kill the man he looked to as a mentor, or father figure of some kind”

“Ah yes Geralt told me, but these two were out of control killing mercilessly were they not?” he pressed trying to pull me out of the void into which I was slowly slipping.

“I gave him the tools to do so” I confessed, not wanting to be let off so easily, being hated was painful, but often anger is easier to take.

“You made a mistake, are you immune to being human?, I know you aren’t exactly human now, but you were desperate, you corrected your mistake, and that weight of conscience is what will prevent you from making the same mistake again, I know it is no comfort but it is true. I have a few errands to run, and I understand a crypt isn’t exactly a lovely place to stay, but your welcome to stay here while you recover. And should you see another wondering round don’t worry, he is a friend, his name is Dettlaff he helped me rescue you”

As I watched him leave, I thought of how Regis was nothing like Vincent, he was kind polite, and I didn’t sense danger from him. 

I leant upon the crypt wall thinking if I belonged anywhere it was here, surrounded by those I could to which I could do no harm.


	20. Setting things right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While recovering from her attack Chris is given the gift Vesemir left her

I spent too long in my own dark thoughts as I waited for Regis to return, my body was healing quickly. The scar tissue forming, Vincent may not have gotten his revenge but he certainly left his mark upon me. I wondered where they took vampires who were causing the species a problem, I wondered if they had their own version of prison. My musings were interrupted when Regis returned, I looked up at him, he was carrying a few things, I leapt up to aid him forgetting I was not in the best of shape, and that he was a vampire who probably had no need of my aid.

I staggered against the wall of the crypt holding to dizzy head, I couldn't stop the room from spinning. So I slumped against the wall waiting for the wave of dizziness to pass, in time it did. I looked to Regis who was smirking "valiant attempt to aid me but I can manage I assure you"

"Habit" I confessed.

"Manners are good habits to have" he assured me. Throwing me a package, I did not know your size so don't be offended" he pleaded.

The bundle was plain clothes, a tunic a plain blue, and legging of the same dull blue. I didn't care the size, I pulled them on swiftly, although a little baggy, I was happier to no longer be in my underwear before a stranger, less awkward to be fully clothed, well for me anyway.

"Much better, it was rather awkward conversing with a half-naked young lady" he stressed. "I brought you food, and drink, and new potions to aid the healing process"

I took one of potions, the pain surging through my veins. I gasped as it winded me, the pain slowly subsided, and I felt some of my strength and energy return to me, after I recovered myself, Regis turned to me.

"What is this?" I asked as Regis passed me ageing book, the spine was cracking, and there were papers jammed into it.

"A present from Vesemir"

I was hesitant to take the book at first as feared its contents, was this aid or did Vesemir have a piece of mind to give. I took it my hand shaking visibly.

"What is it you fear?" Regis posed.

"That he hates me, don't think I can take any more, despite deserving it"

"Well female witchers certainly are different, your counterparts claim to feel nothing, but I think that is a lie personally" he smiled.

I smiled to myself realising he was being careful to not let Geralt’s name slip, he was truly being accommodating, even to my emotional whims.

"Regis, you’re a good man, or should I say vampire"

"Thank you Chris, you have made mistakes, don't let them define you" his hand took to shoulder, giving it an encouraging squeeze.

I took a deep breath, opening the pages with care, and a sense of trepidation. I found old entries tracking a monster, the drawings upon the next few pages confirmed it to be a werewolf, and a journal entry confirmed this was my brother.

"Entire family massacred save for one child, I made the mistake of allowing sentiment to hold my track of the beast. I made sure the girl was safe before I continued, she amused me asking to come with me, this is no life for her"

Those words both stung, and took me in a wave of emotion, my eyes clouded over, my tears stained the pages, as the trail ran cold. The new pages were new information upon the rash of incidents, it would seem my brother had surfaced once again to do what he does best created havoc and destruction in his wake. I gasped seeing an entry but a few days old and a message "Chris I wish you luck upon your hunt, I was disappointed to hear of what transpired. But I am not without understanding, we have all made mistakes, I will need time, but I would be glad to see you again someday, love Vesemir"

I didn't deserve his words, I wanted to tear myself to shreds, but I held back only due to wanting to finally cut down my brother. I re-read the notes planning my journey in my head, when I turned to Regis, he cocked an eyebrow expectantly "Sorry curiosity makes me feel the need to press you, but if you do not wish to speak of it" he trailed off.

"No it is ok, it will never get easier. My brother is a monster, he massacred our parents, and had it not been for Vesemir I would have been among them. I have spent my entire life both hunting, and fearing him. And now I am capable enough to track him, and finally end his reign of terror. I vowed to stop this happening to others, I always wanted to find a way to fight back, and now I have it, I can save others from this fate" I finished letting go a long held breath.

"Well a noble intention indeed, be weary, things rarely turn out the way we hope they will" he stated wistfully.

"I know Regis, other mistakes made in good intention have taught me this painful lesson" I stated with a heavy heart.

"Well you have certainly learnt too many of life's painful lessons too young it would seem" he looked to me with sadness in his eyes.

"We all learn lessons we would rather never have, as am sure you have"

"Indeed" he stated plainly revealing no more, but I did expect him to, he didn't know enough of me to trust me. I didn't trust but I knew that I couldn't hold this pain forever, the longer I held it tightly the more wrapped around my heart it became, poisoning my heart and mind.

"I assume you will be setting off soon, should you have need of it, you may come back here. I can’t imagine monster or not killing ones brother would shake the strongest of us. Be careful Chris" he stated before leaving.

I put on the leggings and boots Regis had gotten for me, by what means I never asked. I finally placed my two blades were they belonged, upon my back. I left the crypt, finding it rather a peaceful comforting place; I was used to death, so being surrounded by it did not make me ill at ease. I stepped out into the darkness, I had not seen much of this afore mentioned Dettlaff, but he was standing outside holding to Stalwarts reigns. I thought him lost, Dettlaff was silent and brooding, he glanced up at me as I approached, he still said nothing. "Where did you find him?" I asked with a ring of joy upon seeing him.

"Wondering aimless without his rider, I could tell he was yours" his voice was deep and gravely, with a polite manner despite his stern expression holding.

I didn't ask how he knew, I was just grateful the journey would be made all the more swift. "Thank you Dettlaff"

He handed over the reins, I thought he would just vanish, but as mounted Stalwart he held his gaze upon me. I smiled knowing it would be a long time before I was able to so again. I did not expect him to return my smile, my eyebrow arched quizzically. He had a brooding disposition that gave the impression he didn’t know how to smile, but he looked surprisingly gentle and sweet when he smiled.

I began toward the town where the most recent attack had taken place; I would track the beast, and end this once and for all.


	21. Facing the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris finally faces her past

It took some time to reach the village, but thanks to Dettlaff it was swifter than it would have been. To once again visit the destruction my brother wrought was harder than I thought, as this town bore obvious signs of the attack. Scratch marks adorning several doors, and the blood staining the ground was clear to my eyes. I wondered the town which now appeared to be abandoned; either that or he had truly killed every poor soul who had chosen this town as their home. I did not feel the old fear, but the rage burned within my veins, how dare he lash out at the world taking innocents in his wake, this would end tonight, I would see to it.

The blood, and stench of the wolf appeared before me like a perfumed path before me, so clear, such a powerful stench an affront to my senses. I followed it down into darkness; the depths of shadow were it had all begun. I took a potion to give me the ability to see clearly. I never got used to the foul taste of potions, I barely held it down. I gasped as the poison rushed through my blood; the fire was soon doused with the mutagens. As the pain began to pass, I relaxed my tense muscles. The poison now refreshed my eyes, pushing back the darkness. I blinked, seeing my surrounding as if a torch was lighting my way. He would no longer be able to hide, and neither would I. I would face the monster that had haunted my nightmares, and waking steps for too long.

I continued down into his lair, I could hear him rushing around like a confused animal. I took a small blade cutting my hand, drawing my blood and coating my silver blade with it. That was the only blood of mine that would be split today I thought. He could smell the blood, I could hear him sniffing it out “Ah sister it has been some time” he called out in a strained grating voice.

I hated the sound of his voice, even if the werewolf twisted the vocal cords, it was still him. He had always had a forked tongue, spewing bile whenever his cruel mouth would open, I would see he hurt no one with his claws or words again. I crept through the darkness, my silver blade in hand. “Sister I am hurt that you would bring a blade, can we not talk” he taunted.

I contained my rage, had I have been human he would have frightened me, or driven me to rush him in anger. I took a deep breath recalling the meditations focusing the mind and senses. “Unlike you to remain so silent, I recall you not knowing when to shut up” he hissed, annoyed by my silence.

He wanted me to rise to the bait, but I held in place, hearing him creeping up behind me. He readied his claws, thinking me unable to sense him. I smiled knowing he was under estimating me gravely, I heard his muscles snap into motion, I spun round, taking to the right as he leapt toward me. I tore my blade across his open flank. I was not prepared for how pitiful his howl of agony would be, for a moment I wished things could be different, there had been a small part of me hoping for him to be changed, but he had only grown more twisted with time.

I sighed heavily, hearing him drag himself up, hissing through his clenched fangs. He held in place hoping the cut would heal, but it remained, and began to burn, my blood was like poison to him, it took the final human connection to end the werewolf in him.

Wolfsbane would have sufficed, but this was personal, I wanted him to die in agony as the blood he had hoped to spill destroyed him. He staggered “What have you done?” he growled.

“What is the matter brother do not like a fair fight?” I called with a little cruel joy, a smile drawing across my face.

I drew closer, by remained on my guard as a wounded animal was dangerous. “I should have killed you when I had the chance” he spat.

“Not a mistake you will live to regret” I hissed allowing a little rage to bubble over.

“What have you become sister? No human wields a blade with this knowledge? You were always a freak of nature, one the world would have been better off without, I failed this world by not ridding it of you” he continued to spit his bile.

“Yes the same tired words, I recall them all brother, the threats, the hate. What have I become thankfully not you” I stated with an eerie calm.

It frustrated him that I held my distance; he clawed at the empty air, desperately trying to hurt me one final time.

“I did not want it to be this way brother; I was hoping you had changed. But you’re the same twisted hateful thing you were all those years again, lashing out at the world for all that is wrong within you. It is time to end your reign of terror, and free those souls you have condemned with you”

I drew free of the shadows only to force the blade through his chest, he gasped from the unexpected pain that tore through his chest. I leant upon the blade, it slowly made its way through his torso, he jolted with each push upon the hilt, the blade cutting its way through him until it pierced his back. I took a deep breath; it took just as much effort to pull the blade free. Covered his in his blood, I looked down at the blade, then to him, as he still flailed for me in a feeble anger, even in the end he couldn’t see what he was.

I sat waiting for him to die, listening to his laboured breath, a fools hope had led me here hoping for some form of apology or some form of change within him, I found neither. I sat in the darkness aside his mangled corpse, listening to his wheezing breathes, and heartbeat grow weaker until they fell silent.

The beast was finally dead, I had imagined this scenario many times but it did not give me the closure or satisfaction I was hoping for. Instead I felt empty, and saddened that he had wasted his life, and several others in the process. My heavy heart made it difficult to leave him where he lay, I did not get to say all I had wanted to, his cruel nature would remain a mystery to me. The child had blamed herself, the adult knew better, but it was still difficult to breath and as I surfaced I dropped to my knees crying out all that rage and pain, until my throat burned. I had been desperate for answers as well as justice, and I felt I had failed to gain both; I could not erase all he had done. I could only stop it in its tracks were it stood, I wondered how many other families he had destroyed as well as his own in some twisted justification. A wave of emotion took away my breath, as my tears flowed freely; I was wracked by the power of the sobs escaping me, the sorrow escaping me I could barely believe the sounds were coming from me.  
I felt arms take around me; I didn’t care if it was a demon, as it could end this pitiful suffering. But the arms surrounded me protectively, I did not look up, I just pulled into them, and cried until I was weary. I fell into silence, what felt like a strange void, the aftermath of the storm, in which I would have to pick up the pieces of what had made me.

I awoke in the crypt, looking up at Dettlaff, I was thrown, not who I had expected. I felt strangely vulnerable in his arms, he had seen behind the mask, and now he could see me for what I was a pathetic frightened child trying to make sense of the devastation she was left among.

I pulled free of his arms; I could not take his eyes upon me any longer. I held my hands upon the wall steadying myself, he did not leave, I wanted him to, I wanted to hide once more, in the safety of the shadows. I could not face him, my chest heavy with the weight of all I was feeling, I did not want this, I wanted to escape, to run like I always had, but I felt I was unable to after he had seen such a display.

I wondered away into a dark corner, pulling my knees to my chest, I dropped my head to my knees. Again he said nothing, he just took his arms around me once more, I had not the strength to fight him, so despite the fear, and embarrassment, I lifted my head, and leant it against his chest. He held me gently to him. After hours of dark thought, and unspoken emotions bidding for freedom, I was still once more. I did not run from him this time, I simply looked up, and thanked him. He took my face in his hands, wiping away the tears “I wish I could take away the pain you are feeling, I know it all too well. When you find the strength to talk, I will be here; you need only call for me”

And with that beautiful sentiment he vanished, I felt strange without his arms around me. Ill at ease, it made me restless to have so much emotion rushing through me.


	22. Monsters of all forms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris is forced into a discovering the reason behind a haunting in a town

After dettlaff disappeared once again, I could not linger any longer, so I set off to find somewhere more comfortable to live, I had nothing against living in a cave but the idea of having a home for once in my life was both amazing and terrifying. I took stalwart to the next town, it felt strange to be in my own company once more, it did not feel lonely like I had imagined. I felt an eerie calm take over me, the cool breeze playing lightly about my face, galloping toward somewhere to possibly call home.

The beautiful scenery gave way to the start of a town, fields became rows of houses. I pulled up to the local tavern, dismounting I couldn't help but notice the glares, but I could hear every word they muttered under their breath "freak" "didn't think they had female mutants, strange" "why is one of them ere" "I don't know let us hope it leaves soon aye"

I had always been on the outside looking in so this did not shake me, but it annoyed me, I wanted to see the good in people but when faced with such ignorance it became difficult. I walked passed them paying no mind to their foolish words and harsh stares, I needed food and drink, and work, I hoped to find these here.

I walked over to the barkeep who looked at me with confusion "what do you want?" He grumbled put out by my presence.

"Food, drink and work if you have any" I stated plainly.

"Go sit out of the way of my customers and will find something" he pointed to a table in a shadowy corner.

It was fine with me being away from these supposed fine folk, it made me laugh these were supposedly the better people I had once wanted to fight for. I hunkered down in the corner, enjoying being out of their view, unharassed I watched them go about their business, listening for anything that could pass for Witchers work, but I heard nothing beyond idle gossip.

The barkeep dropped a bowl of slop and ale before me, I gave a tight smile, reaching for my almost empty purse when he shook his head.

"No I need your help" he stated in a hushed tone, he was not overly congenial while the others looked on, but his eyes pleaded his case, and desperation to me.

I only agreed as I needed food, and drink, and somewhere to stay, so I negotiated accommodations here just in case I found nothing amenable, he reluctantly agreed. I followed on after I had my fill of the awful ale, and vile soup, I was too hungry to care about the bitter taste it left in my mouth.

He led me out of town, as a human I may have been weary but he could not make any sudden moves or lay a trap without me hearing it. I could however feel a strange disturbance, I may not have a medallion that acted as sensor to such concentration of strange energies, but I could feel it rushing through me. The closer we drew the more it became like a clear scream piercing my ears, the barkeep looked unfussed, he could obviously not hear it, he was lucky, it became so loud I was forced to throw my hands to my ears in a futile attempt to protect them.

"Can you not hear that?" I shouted what was to me an awful din.

He looked shocked by the volume of my voice "No need to shout" he retorted not answering my question.

The screaming subsided, I pulled my hands-free of my ears, enjoying the silence that now reigned. My relief was short lived when an ethereal woman cut in front of me "You can hear me" she rang cheerily.

It was obvious once more that the barkeep was oblivious to her presence, as she stood between us and he just looked through her. So to speak to this spirit I would have to find a way to make him leave. "I can sense the issue here, I will take care of it, and return to you when it is done" I tried to hurry him along.

"But don't you need any information?" he pressed.

"No I will be able to move forward without it" I assured him.

"Well I need my home to be livable again, too many strange things are going on for me feel comfortable" he grumbled.

I could only hope he was unaware of the poor girl now hovering between us, I could only assume given her apparent injuries that she had been killed, and this mans cellar had been the dump site, I felt for this poor girls body.

I finally got the barkeep to leave, and I took things from there. "What happened to you?" I asked the girl as if this was a normal everyday occurrence for me, I was not unnerved, just curious as to the poor girls fate, and at whose hands.

"I have been screaming for months and no one has heard me, you are the first. They are acting like they can't see me either, they never liked me so I should be used to it" her voice was disembodied.

Her words could only mean she didn't realise she was dead, and the risk of telling her could turn her into all manner of spectres, escalating this situation, meaning I would have to kill her, and she would never truly rest, or she could end up hurting others, it was a delicate situation one I had no been prepared for, I would have found battling any manner of beast an easier task.

"What do mean what happened to me?" she pressed.

There was no way of breaking such news tentatively. "What is the last thing you recall?" I tried desperately to be tactful.

"An argument, I can't even recall with who, isn't that strange" she observed.

I had to be the one to tell her, to leave her to linger would be no less of a cruel fate for her or the townsfolk. "I hate to be the one to tell you this but you did not survive that argument" I hoped it had been delivered with a modicum of tact.

Her face strained before she burst into laughter, her laughed echoed loudly. It had a ring of doubt to it as it wavered and fell to silence, when she could see I was not joking her eyes widened, the true horror and shock hit her, as if she hadn't been traumatised enough.

"This can't be true" she exclaimed, trying to pace back and forth she finally realised her feet were not touching the ground. It was then she began to panic, and in that moment I wondered whether she would despair or rage, both she would be more than entitled to, but either could led to her becoming a danger, I did not want to dispel her energy, it would leave her stranded and never at rest, she did not deserve such a fate.

She just looked to me and in a small voice asked "I need to know what happened to me"

"I will help you, but please understand this may stir up rage, or pain. Do not give into it, you deserve to rest in peace" I stressed, trying to get her to understand the gravity of it, but trying to process such things takes time, and time she didn't have.

Triggering her final memory would be a cruel and painstaking process but it was the only other thing binding her to this plain, I had to think what would help her recall her life. So we wondered through the town, people glaring at me, and straight through her. I looked back to her she looked lost and broken, I felt a sense of guilt for telling her as before she had seemed so happy, but I wouldn't leave her like this. I only noticed her fall back when the town's mayor stepped out, her terror was plain up her face, she vanished. I looked to this man, his eyes dark, his smiled false, but he had a slimy charm that the townspeople seemed to buy into, as they spoke to him with reverence, he did not share their respect that was more than clear to me. He caught me eyeing him, he forced a smile, I did not feign a polite front for this man, I glared back harshly, he tried to shake me with his cold dead eyes, but I was not moved, I simply snarled before I turned on my heel. I returned to the barkeeps home "what is it?" I called when I couldn't see her ghost lingering.

It took some time before she replied "him, it was him, he killed me, I remember I found out what he had been doing with the struggling townsfolks money and I threatened to reveal him, hoping he would change but as usual I was a fool, and no one even gives a damn that I am gone" she wailed.

I felt for the pain that ran through her ghostly wail. "I will bring you justice, I will reveal this snake for what he is" I tried to assure her, her wailing did not stop but her sobs became softter upon my deceleration.

I was set upon getting this poor forgotten girl justice, I marched out of her house making a beeline for the mayor's office and I barged in not caring for etiquette.

"You murdered that poor girl, she threatened to reveal you and you killed her, you will answer for your crimes" I spat.

He barely looked up, but replied in an assured and creepy manner "well then you have seen what I did to the last foolish girl, keep your mouth shut or join her"

"You don't frighten me, I will reveal you for what you are" I assured him, the smug smile faded, his anger flared.

"You think they will take the word of freak over me?" He scoffed.

"maybe not but they will have questions which I am sure you have no answers for"

I went to march out, but he raced over slamming the door shut, his intense murderous eyes fell to me.

"Don't be stupid, you're just like her you know no one will notice your gone, pathetic nosy little girls trying to play hero while the rest of the world doesn't give a damn. I will enjoy killing you my dear" 

This man was a true psychopath but he hid it well as he functioned well within society's bounds, he would regret this, I had yet to kill a monster in human form but there was a first for everything.

He continued to spout off how much he had enjoyed killing that poor girl but I had not realised she had been present for the whole barrage. I could sense a change in her energy, and I knew she was visible as the mayor began to back away from the wraith bearing down upon him, she was swift in her kill, tearing his throat out, I felt no pity for him, but I knew if left she would hurt others as the rage that now burned fuelled her.

I ran free of the mayor's office dodging her attempts to hold me at bay, who she was wiped out in an instant twice by the same cruel man. I took to the basement, the smell of death was heavy upon the air, I found the poor girls body cast down here like trash, she deserved more respect than this, I lit her remains with the flames that ran freely from my fingers, the wraith began to dissipate as the final connection to this life burned away in the hot flame, I contained and starved the fire once it has served its purpose.

I took her ashes in a bowl, and wondered toward the lingering smell of death, leading me to the town graveyard. I dug her a shallow grave as to scatter her ashes I would have needed to know more. I marked her grave with a simple cross. I didn't even know her name, but sadly it seemed as though I cared more about her than those around her.

"I will remember you even if they don't, you were a good soul, it's a shame the people around you didn't care enough to notice, I know what you did for them, and I am sorry that it had to end this way, you deserved peace, not more torment"

A lone tear escaped my eye, I stood by her grave for a time, the cold wind chilling me to the bone, but I could not help feeling that this poor girl suffered the fate of many, she went unnoticed, but she still somehow remained good, a miracle in itself. Her final act was to rid this town of its true monster, the monster they had handed power freely. I placed flowers upon her grave.  
I did not give the same respect to the mayor, I burned his remains, throwing the ash to the wind outside. I wondered if any of the townsfolk knew what he was, did they realise they accepted and loved a monster, who I worried would have more victims no one knew of, but his reign of terror was over. The townsfolk had pushed aside a good soul ignored her and didn't even mourn her passing. I was starting to understand the other races distaste for humans, and in that moment I was glad to no longer be one.

I would not stay, there was no way to explain this to such ignorant people, so I left in the dead of night. 

I was forced to pull to a sudden stop apologising to stalwart, as Regis appeared suddenly befoe me on the path.

"Regis don't do that, appearing in the middle of the path, I almost ran you down. What is it must be serious for you to appear like this?" I pressed, that had been the first thing to start my heart racing. 

"Time is of the essence yes, Geralt needs your help, he asked that I seek you out Chris"

"Why should I help him?" I snapped with a bitter rage still burning for his leaving.

"Because I know you your a good woman and this aid is to find another undeserving of your scorn, please Chris" he appealed to my better nature, his warm eyes, and gentle hand upon my shoulder, thawed the cold stare I was attempting.

"Damn you Regis" I declared in frustration, he was always so reasonable he could talk me round with ease.

I mounted stalwart and turned back toward the cemetery, I did not know how I felt about him just appearing back into my life, but I would discover what he wanted when I got there.


	23. Will you follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris has to decide whether she will follow Geralt once more

Pulling up to the graveyard, I cast my eye over this place that had almost become my own resting place, and I was glad that Regis and Dettlaff had pulled me out from under. I found Regis waiting outside, upon seeing me he motioned forward catching my arm "May I have a word before you go inside?" he pressed.

I nodded unable to refuse him such a simple request, he looked ill at ease, which put me on edge, maybe this was more serious than I had realised.

"I do not usually involve myself in others private affairs but I feel I must say something. Chris, I notice that you and Dettlaff are becoming close, and even though I know you would be good for him, I am not sure he would be for you. I know he is my friend and I am not saying he is not a good man, but he is not the man for you, he can be very intense, and I think you have already met your match. Safer you two part before this entanglement becomes messy" he finished awkwardly. I could see he had not wanted to say a word of it, and he meant well.

"You are right you should not involve yourself" I stated in a harsh manner, haughtily crossing my arms and glaring.

"Chris, you know I have only your best interests at heart, I am trying to protect you both" he continued holding my glare with his gentle eyes, I felt my annoyance unable to hold up against his warmth, his heart may not beat but it was a good one.

"I am sorry Regis, I guess I just feel I am able to make these decisions myself. I have not seen Dettlaff since I left for the village, he keeps disappearing on me"

"I know your more than capable Chris that is why I didn't stop you finding your brother, but there is no harm in me looking out for you is there" he stated as he titled his head to catch my evasive eye contact.

I gasped realising how ungrateful I sounded "Oh Regis I am such a fool, after all you have done for me. You know I am grateful, you saved my life"

"I am glad to help, I know if it was reversed you would aid me" he smiled.

"I would" I said without hesitation.

"Now that is out of the way, please follow me my friend, and be kind to Geralt, he needs your help, I know you hurt but hear him out" he reasoned.

I nodded not knowing how I would feel upon seeing him again, maybe I would feel nothing and this would be like any job as a witcher. But I should have known better I was always a fool for this man. When I saw his silver hair, my heart leapt. I remained composed until I saw his face, he looked so tierd, I did not want to embrace him, but I found I had no control I was hugging him. He was shocked and rigid at first, but after a time he relaxed into my arms and whispered "Not the welcome I expected. But I am glad to see you"

I pulled back a sad smile lingering upon his lips. "What do you need?" I offered my aid without him pressing me, I chided myself in my head for being so welcoming and kind.

"Do you recall those three women you saved?"

I recalled them all to clearly "Yes from the beast in the forest"

"Well I need information from them, and they said they will tell me everything and more if I would only bring them their rescuer, they want to thank you"

"Will they recognise me? Given my changes" I posed a little worried.

My hair had been stripped of its colour under the stress the mutations had played upon my body, and my eyes were a strange purple, long gone was the green, and my dark hair and my scars were numerous, mental and psychical.

"I believe they will still recall you, you haven't changed that much, and they are more powerful than you realise" he assured me.

"Let us go, the sooner this is done, the sooner we can go our separate ways" I had not intended it to sound so impetuous.

He looked wounded by the remark but he said nothing, he needed my help and did not wish to question the manner in which it was given. I tried to remain aloof, and professional with him, I tried to drown those feelings that were trying so desperately to surface.

"Okay with that sorted, I will bid you both farewell, I have work of my own to do" Regis remarked with an accomplished smile upon his face. This irked me, sneaky vampire, he knew I would not refuse him aid.

I scowled trying to hold back the smile edging at the corner of my lips, I shook my head, he simply smiled, and he vanished before I could press or question him.

I was forced to turn to Geralt "So shall we get going?" I offered.

He nodded, looking rather lost in thought. I took to Stalwart feeding him and giving him fresh water. Geralt took to his own horse that he had once again affectionately named Roache, I sighed.

"You do recall as witchers that our hearing is more astute" he remarked in jovial manner.

"Roache? again, really? I will never understand your lack of respect for these noble creatures" I stressed.

"Noble? matter of opinion, but just to humour you what should I call her?"

I became thoughtful, the perfect name sprang to mind "EMER" I blurted out.

"What kind of name is that?" he raised an eyebrow.

"It means swift, it is what we need to find Ciri"

The mere mention of her name seemed to bring forth a sadness, I felt guilty for a moment. "I never told you who we were looking for" he remarked wistfully.

"I was barely conscious at the time, but I recall her name. We will find her Geralt" I knew this was no assurance but I had already said it, I could not take it back. "You know how stubborn I am nothing stops me" I tried hoping that would at the very least raise a smile or his spirits.

"Yes I recall" he raised his eyes, spurring his horse to move, and soon he was galloping, but Stalwart was the faster horse living up to his name, which gave me a small satisfaction, short lived as I realised I had no idea where the witches lived. I was forced to drop back and keep pace "Forget the way" he smirked.

"No, I never took them back to their village" I retorted.

"Of course that's it" he added with an awfully smug smile.

I growled under my breath, knowing he heard me. It was a distance, it took us so long that we were forced to stop for fear the horses may keel over, well that was my concern. We stopped in a village, I was prepared for their stares and bile, and without fail the humans living here met my low expectations in very colourful language. And all within seconds of our arrival, a new record. I followed after Geralt after tying up Stalwart, I hoped he would be safe from their ill will, if not I would hunt them down, this thought brought a smile to my lips.

Following Geralt to the bar, he asked about board, I was thankful that he had coin as I was low on funds, luckily the barkeep seemed as reasonable, well for a human. He showed us to a small room, I was glad to see two beds, no awkward conversations or tension, we could remain at a safe distance. 

He slumped at the edge of his bed "You really are worried for her" I stated looking at his guarded yet languishing body language, he bore a heavy burden.

"Yes, and only when I find her will my mind ease" He replied after a drawn out silence.

"Let us sleep, and return to the search" I stated dropping on to the harsh bed, it was the most comfortable place I had slept in some time, so my thoughts may have been vying for me to consider every possibility but my body was comfortable, so it quietened my mind, dragging me into a deep slumber.

I was woken by Geralt calling to me, I pulled up my eyes still heavy with sleep. I dragged myself up shaking it off, washing up swiftly, and joining him outside. We were quickly under way again, I could see the urgency, the horses ate and drank better than we did, we went hungry. 

We continued toward the marshlands which soon became obvious from the smell permeating the air, this would offend the senses of a human, say nothing of a witcher. The eye-watering smell seemed to weaken upon reaching the centre, Drowners tried to harass our horses and slow us down, but we did not allow them either, not slowing or crossing their path, we had no time to waste, the rest stop had set us back far enough.

When Geralt dismounted, I pulled up beside and followed suit. Dropping into the waters of the marsh, the murky water lapped at my boots eager to leave its mark. I grimaced then followed after Geralt, he looked as if he knew where he was going, we stopped before a shack, the swamp looked devoid of life, well devoid of human life. 

When the witches appeared I was not prepared for their true visage, they were nothing like I remembered, three beautiful women now three disfigured crones ghastly in appearance. I was so worried about them not recognising me I had not considered they may be the ones who would be unrecognisable. I stopped beside Geralt who re-introduced me to them "This is Chris" he assured them.

They seemed sceptical eyeing me with what I can only assume was their eyes but it looked nothing alike any beasts eyes I had seen thus far, I was able to contain my shock at their appearance after working with beasts and demons of all kinds, but they didn't seem to have the same filter as one exclaimed "Hmm yes it is her but what happened to her, so beautiful and fresh, now destroyed and aged beyond her years, such a shame"

I felt offended although I did not say. "Ignore them Chris, you are even more beautiful" Geralt assured me as they continued to exclaim their shock amongst each other.

My cheeks flushed, I did not know how to take his compliment, I didn't know if it was genuine in nature, so I just smiled and stated "I have indeed changed as have you, you are not the ladies I recall"

"True indeed" the beastly one boomed.

"But yes it is her, so you found a way to become a witcher" the third hissed, moving her additional limbs as if they had a use.

I heard Geralt growing impatient at their continued banter, so I pressed "So I believe you ladies have information on someone we are looking for"

They proceeded to tell us of her time here, and concern of the state she had been in, and their annoyance at her leaving them. I was starting to wonder if I should have rescued them given the manner in which they spoke, they sounded more dangerous than the beast and his crazed bride, but I could no dwell upon this. I had played my part Geralt got information of where to go next, once he seemed satisfied she had left here and that they were telling him something close to the truth did he relent.

"Be warned witcher we are only allowing your pointed tone for her sake" pointing to me.

"Never speak to us in this manner again" they warned.

Geralt did not care for their threats, he had got what he wanted. I was more respectful of them than he was, and they called to me giving me a bundle "Do not open this unless it is an emergency, our gift to you for saving our lives, only a small token but I hope it serves you well" she instructed.

"Thank you for your help" I nodded my head accepting her gift.

"So polite, your manner serves you well, your friend would do well to watch his lest another cut his vile tongue free of his head" she spat as she walked away.

I would have retorted but it would have done no one any good, so I bit my tongue and smiled. Geralt had been very impatient and ill-mannered to them, I understood it but they were right he had to be more careful.

My curiosity called for me to sneak a peak at the gift the ladies had given me, but I did as they asked, I held it tightly to my chest bidding them farewell. I placed in in the saddlebag, Stalwart did not whiney or back away from it so it couldn't be too dangerous, or I hoped that was the case. I mounted Stalwart looking to Geralt and nodding "This is where we part ways again, I hope you find her" I stated with a genuine care for both of them. I was about to turn away when I heard Geralt call after me, when he drew closer he sighed heavily before confessing. It pains me to say this but I could use your help" I could see the strain in his face being forced to ask me not once but twice for help, this spoke volumes of his dedication to Ciri, willing to risk all including his pride to find her, mildly amused and moved by his love for her, I paused a moment.

"We could split up and cover more ground if that's easier" I offered.

"Intent to be as far from me as possible" he half-joked.

"I don't quite know where I stand with you Geralt so I would rather avoid any awkwardness if possible" I tried to explain, feeling anxious, hoping he would not press me further, as I longed to remain at his side, but was not sure it was the best idea for either of us despite what Regis had said.

"Please don't force me to have an emotional moment, then things will be awkward" he grinned hope that his charm would still sway me enough to avoid him having to express his own feelings.

I narrowed my eyes upon him, and awaited an answer that would satisfy me, I felt cruel pressing him when I had been so vague, but if he wanted me to stay I wanted something in return. He groaned in exasperation "I turned down two women to come find you, and if that doesn't speak volumes I do not know what does" he exclaimed.

"Wow, you have made me two new enemies, how kind of you" I grinned.

So if I followed him I risked running into two scorned lovers, both sorceresses, I wondered if I could stand against them, and hoped I wouldn't have to. Did I want to step into the middle of this, my love and admiration for him was threatening to resurface the longer he looked to me with pleading eyes, but a small voice of doubt held me back, making me feel unsure and unsteady whatever my next step would be.


	24. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris finds that the scars of the past linger

I should have known that despite any reservations I couldn't turn down a plea for help, and I couldn't refuse Geralt. What right had I to hold on to my bitterness, as we were both guilty in our own way. I merely stated "I will accompany you for as long as you need me."

He groaned in frustration "Damn it Chris, I know you heard what I said, don't make this more difficult for me."

The strain clear upon his face, I sighed heavily. "Okay must I say it, can it not just remain unspoken." I pleaded, feeling a flush of embarrassment warm my cheeks.

"Fine, we will need to sort certain things. As I have to return to crows perch and it's a distance, so we will need to stop along the way. Make camp or stay at an inn?" He posed.

"An inn in possible" I strained, I longed for some comfort no matter how little. 

"And do we share a bed or should I take to the floor?" Geralt asked in an awkward manner, rather endearing to watch him stumble over his words.

"I think we both need to earn each other's trust back a little before we rush into anything" I confessed. There was a strained silence.

"Yes, I suppose you're right" Geralt sighed. "Shame, that would have been the easiest way to win me over" he smiled, his eyes creased at the corners. I regarded him for a moment, I had never forgotten how handsome he was, but it was more evident when he smiled.

I knew that a little restraint was the best for us both, best we learn from our mistakes than rush back into one another's arms and hope we could continue where we left off. I felt strange not returning his flirtations, his charm would weaken my will so easily if I let myself be drawn in.

"Let us make haste then." I remarked, leading stalwart into a canter.

Waiting for Geralt to pull up beside me, before breaking into a gallop. I found myself stealing glances at him, hoping he was unable to notice. A sly smile drew my eyes away as that was a knowing smile, we couldn't just fall back in step I chided myself as the blush rushed to my cheeks. I straightened my posture and drew my focus forth, the beauty of nature was enough to hold my attention for some time, the lush green fields, the evergreens keeping their emerald leaves as the other trees were beginning to fade in the hint of autumn. The chill upon the air was crisp and refreshing as it lapped through my hair, balancing the heat and glare of the sun. It was a lovely day. My eyes deviated as Geralt attempted to overtake Stalwart, I knew he was the faster horse, but I allowed him to pull ahead, my eyes roaming over his masculine form. His armour well worn, and scratched, I wondered what monster had made those marks. The journey continued in silence, me following his lead until the darkness, and slowing of our horses forced us to stop at the next town. Tying up Stalwart in the stable, parting with what little coin I had was worth it to assure his care. Geralt did not show his horse the same respect, so I intervened and watched the last of my coin leave my purse empty.

"I hope you have coin." I stated in a hushed tone as I wondered back over to Geralt who was waiting impatiently for me.

"Yes I do" He muttered pulling away from the wall of the tavern, taking to the door he walked straight to the barkeep, who looked weary upon sight of us, but he was civil enough. The old man probably didn't want trouble, so he forced a smile and pressed "What do you need?"

"A room for the night." Geralt stated plainly.

"I have but one, and it is next to my own so no funny business I like my peace and quite." He chided.

"You need not be concerned I am in the doghouse." Geralt joked.

I found a smile spreading unwittingly across my face, luckily the barkeep saw the humour in it, and smiled as Geralt handed him coin. He led us to the small room, leaving us to realise there was only one bed obviously meant for two. I looked to the bed, then to Geralt. I couldn't bring myself to relegate him to the floor, the bed was big enough to give a modicum of space. "I don't mind sharing as long as you stay on your side" I warned.

"I can't promise anything." He teased.

I began to feel nervous under his scrutiny, realising I would have to strip in front of him only added to this fresh anxiety. "Turn round" I ordered.

He raised his eyebrow, shaking his head he sighed heavily, turning the other way. I felt a strange shame wash over me as I disrobed, I had not had the stomach to note the amount of scars Vincent and his minions had left me with. But now I could see all of them, I gasped realising again that had been human I would have been dead, I was amazed I had survived that long. I felt tears build in my eyes, I looked terrible, I had never been too self-conscious but in that moment I wanted to dive under the covers to avoid being seen. My heart raced as I swiftly took under the cover, pulling it high about my neck.

Geralt sat beside me, pulling the sheet free of my vice-like grip. I held my arms up defensively only to see the marks were so extensive that my arms were to covered, I couldn't hide the damage done, I felt like a testament to my own foolishness. "Stop this, please don't look at me" I begged.

But he ignored my pleas, he took off his armour, then his shirt and said "Look at me Chris"

I felt unable to at first, my eyes burned as fresh tears filled them. I slowly looked up, feeling a pressure in my chest, he took my hand pulling my fingers across his scars, just as extensive as mine, to drive the point home he turned so I could see his back. I had never thought his scars reflections or marks upon him, but it felt different when I saw the bite marks. It reminded me of my betrayal to Vesemir, Geralt and the professor, it reminded me of how dangerous monsters/demons of all kinds could be, even my own.

"I betrayed you, all witchers. I do not deserve your forgiveness or your kindness, it was easier when you hated me" I cried.

"I have made mistakes that have cost others dearly. Let these scars remind you of what's important not the mistakes that preceded them."

I was gobsmacked, Geralt had just said something wise and profound. I just looked to him mouth agape. "What?" He finally pressed after the stare began to unnerve him.

"You just said something wise, and profound, Vesemir and Regis will be glad to know they have been a good influence upon you."

He raised his eyes, smiling as he feigned his annoyance. "Don't get used to it, that was a once in a lifetime moment" he jested.

"Thank you, I still feel undeserving. But thank you" I took his hand focusing him to look to me.

Sighing heavily he ventured "So now your past your self-consciousness is there any chance of me getting anywhere?" he purred.

"The elderly owner told us no funny business" I joked feeling my will wavering.

"Just bit your lip" He suggested his stare becoming intense.

"I will bite through" I continued to joke. Inching back as he pulled closer, he leant over me. 

Before I could say another word his lips sealed over mine, his weight pressing down upon me. He pulled me under him, his kiss becoming more passionate. I knew this was a bad idea, but I could stop my hands from tracing his back, and my tongue from tangling with his. He broke the kiss breathless and proceeded to pull down my underwear. He pressed his hand over my mouth gently, while his free hand trailed down between my legs. I felt my back arch as his fingers traced over my clit, I groaned against his hand.  
His lustful gaze made me tremble. His fingers took to me with a knowing touch, tracing my slick folds, pushing in two fingers with a slow and gentle motion. My grip tightened upon his arm, my free hand edging toward his twitching cock, taking him in hand. I enjoyed the feel of him hardening to my touch, his gasps only encouraged me to make my grip a little firmer. We matched each others slow rhythm, my arousal coated his fingers, my muffled groans could be felt and heard against the palm of his hand.

"Fuck, I want to hear you come" He purred in my ear.

Before I could stop him his hand was gone and my groans became vocal, I tried to bite my lip but I couldn't hold back. His thumb teased at my clit, his precum was dripping over my fingers. I cried out as my climax reached its peak. I trembled as the continued waves delighted me. 

When he slowly removed his fingers tasting them, I pushed him onto his back. Climbing over him, lowering myself onto his throbbing cock. I gasped as I lowered upon him, the feel of him filling me was a pleasurable friction that delighted me, his firm grip upon my hips and his desire-filled gaze made me feel wanted. I enjoyed being in control, watching his face contort with ecstasy as my slow rhythm gradually became more forceful, it delighted us both. I wanted to slow my rhythm but his hands upon my hips forced me to continue, he took control. He was close I could feel him hardening within me, and his grip was becoming painful about my hips. He came hard, groaning loud, his body tremoring under me.

A knock on the wall and a call of "Knock it off, or I will come in there." Both startled and amused us.

I pulled off him carefully, dropping back upon the bed. He pulled me into his arms, where I settled. I should have been questioning myself, berating my stupidity, but instead, I drifted off in the warmth of his arms.

I was startled awake with a stiff slap across my ass, the skin tingled. I forced my eyes open to focus on Geralt in all his glory, letting my eyes linger upon him.

"Come on, we need to get moving"

I would have said something sarcastic or tempted him back to bed but I knew this was only a rest stop. Ciri was important to him and I couldn't bring myself to do anything that would be dismissive of this. I dragged myself up, readying myself with speed, I was used to no luxuriating in baths, and being as swift as possible in readying myself.

I waved at the barkeep, who narrowed his eyes, then gave a sly smile "All is forgiven I see." 

My cheeks flushed, I gave an awkward smile in return, not wanting to think of the ramifications of last night. Focus upon business I told myself, I stepped outside to find Geralt with the Horses. I mounted stalwart quickly, Geralt looked to me as if was intending to say something but I cut him off "I am waiting on you, take the lead." I stated hastily.

He sighed, turning minding the villagers wondering the streets, we trotted to the bounds of the town, then sped towards crows perch to see this Baron who had information on Ciri.


	25. Machinations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris is left to wonder what is going on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for taking so long to write a new chapter. I had a bit of a creative block with this story took me a while to get past it.

The distance town coming into view I could only assume to be crow’s perch. There was a rickety looking bridge leading across to the walled-off town. There were two guards manning this side of the bridge. They looked at me with disdain and suspicion. 

“Who is this?” The lumbering guard on the right remarked as he tightened his grip upon his crossbow and aimed it in my general direction. 

“This is Chris. She is a guest of the baron as am I. So I would lower that crossbow if I were you."

Geralt said it with a smile but it was a warning. The guard seemed confused by Geralt's disingenuous smile, he eventually reluctantly lowered his crossbow. 

“Cause any trouble and you will get an arrow in the back,” the guard remarked hastily as we began to pass him.

I paid no heed to his threat. I decided to let him have the last word. I was here to help and Geralt and petty squabbles which I assumed wouldn’t endear us to this Baron. I bit my tongue and smiled. I looked down at the worn wooden bridge, I took a deep breath before I urged stalwart forward. Slowly and cautiously we made our way across. It was so high up. I knew I shouldn't have looked but I couldn't help it. My heart lurched. I gripped tighter to the reigns as if sensing my fear stalwart moved forward with a little more speed. I sighed with relief and relaxed a little in the saddle as we found ourselves on solid ground once more. "Thank you," I whispered to Stalwart.

I looked around at this quaint little village. A small semi-circle of houses. If you could call them that, they were a markup from shacks. Livable but the townsfolk seemed happy until they set eyes upon me. I smiled at the families milling about. I did not receive smiles in return. The adults glared and narrowed their eyes as if I was both a nuisance and a mystery. It seemed they couldn’t decide if they were curious of or annoyed by my presence. The children stared and pointed before continuing to play whatever game they were in the midst of. The only person to smile at me was an older bearded man at the end of the row of houses. He received a sharp smack to the back of his head for his trouble. The rotund blonde woman beside him scowled at me as he nursed the back of his head. I turned to look forward before I raised my eyes. People were so quick to judge at a glance. ‘Humans’ I thought to myself as if I had never been one. 

We passed through another gate drawing closer to the heart of the village. The scenery changed from little houses and villagers going about their day to soldiers keenly watching us, and blacksmiths hard at work. The woman working at the forge looked so focused upon her task she barely gave a cursory glance. But once she saw Geralt she gave a gentle smile. I raised an eyebrow. I wondered what that was about? Her response to our presence was preferable to the heat of the eyes upon me now but it did raise questions for me that I had no time to linger upon.

Geralt pulled to a stop by a post and corralled Emer to the other side before tying him tightly to the post. I slowly walked Stalwart round and thanked him for getting me here swiftly and safely. I tied a firm knot but there was enough slack in the reign to not make him anxious. I did the same for Emer while Geralt waited impatiently. “Did you just thank the animal again?” He shook his head with a smile.

“Yes, I did,” I replied feeling warmth in my cheeks. I kept forgetting his hearing was as good as mine.

He laughed to himself. I fixed him with a glare which only encouraged his apparent amusement. I huffed and followed after him as I realised I had no idea where I was going. Geralt walked up a set of stairs into the large wooden structure at the edge of the village. This must be the baron’s residence. Grand in scale but once inside it was not gaudy or lavish it was simple, it was more modest than I had expected given the title. There were more guards inside. All of which glared as we entered. The first guard remarked, “Don’t you cause us any trouble.” 

The second just narrowed his eyes.

"Got my eye on you,” was the warning the last guard gave as I passed him.

Geralt pushed open a door at the end of a hallway. I followed him in. The baron himself was not what I had imagined either, he was a big man both in height and waist. His eyes weary and as grey as his beard. The lines didn’t seem to be to only due to age but something weighed upon him greatly. His broad shoulders slumped, and his eyes looked sad. He focused on us as if breaking from a daze, he cast at first what seemed to be a hopeful glance to Geralt. He looked around as if searching for someone, he sighed heavily. He glanced at me curiously. “Who is this?” He pressed. 

“This is Chris. She is helping me find Ciri.” 

"Are you two?” He looked to us both, his tone was laden with innuendo and humour.

I did not quite know how to answer that question and it seemed that neither did Geralt. Neither of us jumped in to answer him so an awkward silence ensued. I cracked under the pressure of that silence and the confusion of not knowing what we truly were to each other. “I guess you could say that,” I remarked sounding very unsure of myself. 

“Ah, early days is it. Cherish those. They do not last," he added with a wistful sigh. “It is nice to meet you, Chris, are you a witcher?” he exclaimed as his scrutinised my face.

This was at least something I was sure of. “Yes, I am.” 

"I didn’t think there were female witchers?" He remarked with surprise.

"There wasn’t until her. She is a story of her own but that would be for another time," Geralt uttered with a mock eye roll. 

"Ah true enough. I am not sure I wish to discuss such personal information with a lady present," the baron remarked looking a little uneasy and he slumped into his chair behind a desk..

“Look I have done as you asked. You need only tell me what is necessary and no more and I will do the same. Will that suffice?” Geralt grumbled. 

“Yes, I suppose it will have to do." He sighed heavily, "take a seat would you both, you're making me bloody nervous."

"What am I missing here?” I remarked feeling the strange tension in the room.

“Nothing you need worry yourself about,” the Baron dismissed my question off hand with evasive eye contact.

This only made me more suspicious, but I sat down and said no more if only to speed things along. I looked to Geralt then the Baron wondering who was going to break this deadlock of glances. “Well, where are my wife and Daughter?” The baron finally pressed with what sounded like a hint of desperation. 

"Your daughter is in Oxenfurt.” Geralt answered plainly.

"What is she doing there?” He exclaimed in shock.

"She has joined the church of the eternal fire.” 

"She’s bloody what?” His eyes widened as he hastily added, “did you give her the doll?” 

"I did but she threw it away.” 

"I had hoped that…bloody hell," he stated his eyes dropping to ground for a silent moment. He sighed heavily and continued, "And what of my wife?" 

"She is in crookback bog." 

"And why did you not bring her back with you?" He exclaimed.

"You only asked me to find them and neither seemed willing to return and I don't blame them." 

"You still think me a base bastard don't you?" The baron strained his tone heavy with emotion.

"My opinion doesn't matter." Geralt remarked abruptly with a harsh glare.

"Are you willing to hear my side?" The baron pressed almost sounding hopeful. 

"Fine if you wish Chris to hear the whole story," Geralt added as if to remind the Baron of my presence.

"Could you not leave us a moment lass?" The baron stressed as he looked over to me. 

"What is it you do not wish me to know? Why are you afraid to tell me?" I questioned tentatively.

"I can't tell you, I can't stand to see the judgement in your eyes. You seem a gentle soul and I do not wish to see those eyes narrow upon me." 

"I am not as gentle as I seem. We all have darkness in our past. Mistakes and things that bring us shame...I am no different but if you can't manage to speak of such things in my company I will wait outside." 

"If you would." I felt a sense of annoyance. I was no longer helping but hindering so I reluctantly decided to leave. 

I pushed aside my morbid curiosity and pulled up. I didn't like having to wait outside because it seemed he feared my delicate feminine sensibilities would be offended but I no choice. I wandered into the corridor and back outside. I sat at the base of the stairs not caring for the glares the soldiers surrounding the barons home threw in my direction. I only looked around briefly as there was not much to see beyond the soldiers milling around. 

There was a barn that looked as if there had been a recent fire, the wood was scorched. The building was damaged must make it unsafe for horses I thought must be why you could see all horses tided to posts beside the soldier's barracks. I looked to Stalwart and Emer, they seemed calm enough. I had no idea how long this would take and there was nothing to keep me busy. I could wander the small village but there was nothing I needed and I recalled I had no coin.

I glanced at my armour it was a little worse for wear, I doubted the blacksmith would take pity upon me, she was no charity after all. I dragged myself up and walked toward the gate and just beyond the same woman I had seen hard at work was wiping her brow. Her blonde hair was damp and tendrils that had escaped her plate were matted to the sides of her face. She had a light freckling to her skin which I noticed as she looked up and smiled. "Can I help you?" She remarked with a regional brogue. 

"I don't think so.I was hoping you could repair my armour. It's seen better days but I haven't the coin." 

Her eyes narrowed. I thought she was about to return to her work and ignore my presence, it would have been fair given the circumstances but instead, she waved me to come closer. I inched forward cautiously yet curious. I leant in and she dropped to a conspiratorial whisper, "I saw you came here with Geralt and any friend of his is a friend of mine. Just tell no one of this favour but speak of its quality. I am glad to arm a female warrior. I have not seen many. Just give me what you have and I will use the scrap for new items."

"I can't ask you to do that," I gasped. I felt she was being too generous and felt undeserving. 

"I am offering, I would take it if I were you," she chided at my hesitance.

"Thank you so much. I am not used to kindness of any kind these days," 

"Well, it's advertising my work. Tell everyone who crafted it. So think of it as self-interest and promotion. Geralt helped me when I needed it. Gave me the confidence to step up and own my work apperences be damned." 

"I am glad he was able to help you. This work is amazing," I remarked with a smile looking over her wares. I sighed under my breath, I was thankful that is was an act of kindness he was recalled for rather than the ideas I had begun concocting in my head.

"He did that and I would be remiss to not repay such kindness."

I smiled to myself. Geralt was full of surprises. "How long would it take?" 

"A few days." 

I grimaced, I didn't have that kind of time. She must have read my expression as she continued, "I could see if I have anything already crafted in your size but I normally craft for male soldiers. Hmm..." She stepped away and began scanning over her current stock, each moment punctuated by a thoughtful "hmm." 

She finally picked up a silver plated breast plate and remarked, "I could just reshape this, should only take a few hours for the whole set, was a slip of a young fella but sadly he won't be coming back." 

"I wouldn't feel right taking it."

"It should be put to good use. It couldn't save him but maybe it can help you." 

"Thank you. I will wait over here." I pointed to a step across from her.

"Wait, I will need to measure you up to get it just right. So you will have to take off your current armour. Strip to your shirt and trousers please," she remarked in a buisness like manner.

I did as she asked of me, it was a little chilly but not unbearable. She took to measuring me for all parts of the armour. After she was done she added, "it seems a waste to not give you the trousers and maille shirt, but I am no tailor the trousers may not be a perfect fit." 

"You're being so generous I don't think the fit matters I won't turn my nose up from clean trousers."

I took a step away and watched her work, she was so focused and determined as she heated the metal and shaped it. Each necessary piece was reshaped to my specifications.

After a time I began to feel a little restless so searched for somewhere out of eye line and I found a modicum of privacy in some abandoned shack. I changed into the clean trousers and the maille shirt. The maille shirt wasn't a perfect fit, loose on the sides tight over my chest. I wondered how small this poor lad must have been. I imagined him a slender nobleman who knew nothing of war but was sworn into service. "I will make good use of it," I swore to the ether before I stepped back out and sat back down to continue waiting.

By the time the blacksmith was done there was still no sign of Geralt. It must be some story I thought to myself. The armour was breathtaking and when she aided me in putting it on it fit perfectly.

"It suits you." She remarked as I moved about in it with ease.

"This is a masterwork," I remarked in a breathy tone as I dropped to my haunches. I bobbed about as if I was fighting an invisible assailant. The armour did not hamper of slow a single step.

"You flatter me," she replied with a blush apparent on her cheeks but that might of had more to do with the heat of the forge than genuine embarrassment.

"The truth is not flattery," I assured her.

"Thank you. Don't forget to send any who ask here," she gently reminded me.

"I will," I promised. It felt like this armour was perfect for a Witcher, it gave protection without weighing you down. The maille was for any blade or arrow that found its way passed the armour. I was pleased with her work and lucky that she had been willing to repay a good deed, maybe not all humans were so bad. 

I walked back through taking over to the horses. "Don't worry stalwart, it is me but in better armour and probably a little less pungent," I whispered with a smile.

Taking a hand tentatively to his nose. Softly running my hand down in a soothing motion. "Are you talking to the horses again?" Geralt teased from behind me. 

I turned to face him and his eyebrow raised. 

"New armour?" He remarked as soon as I faced him.

"Yes. Apparently, you're doing good deeds all over so when I uttered your name she was willing to aid me. Witcher. Good Samaritan. I knew you were a softy." I teased with a wide grin.

Geralt frowned and sighing with exasperation as he ran his hand over his face. He mutter, "Would have been easier alone but no I had to bring you didnt I"

I scowled. "Hey, I can hear you." 

"I know...It suits you. We will be returning to crookback bog."

"Why is ciri there? Did we miss here?" I remarked with concern thinking I had missed something.

"No...but we are helping the baron one last time," Geralt strained.

"Can't help aiding those in need, can you? It's so sweet."

He emitted a low growl before adding, "it's not for free. It's work not altruistic."

"Keep telling yourself that," I teased.

"If you're done can we get a move on?" He remarked with a hint of genuine annoyance.

"Of course. What are we going back to do?" I pressed curiously.

"We are going to aid the Baron in getting his wife back."

I untied the horses and we readied to leave. I cast a sideways glance at him and smiled. It was nice to know there was more to him but it was strange to realise that I knew so little of him. We awaited the Baron and his forces before setting off back toward Crookback bog. I didn't think this would be as easy as last time. They had been tolerant and civil as they felt they owed me a debt but without such things holding them back what would they truly be like, as monstrous as they appeared?


	26. Finding Anna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt, Chris, the Baron and his men take to the swamp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The majority of the dialogue is from the Witcher 3 as I did not want to change the scene too much as I loved it the way it was. All banter with Chris is my own.

The Baron’s men were readied quickly before darkness descended and clouded our field of vision. I decided that maybe it would be safer for the horses to remain here, Geralt begrudgingly agreed.

 

“It won’t be safe for them in the swamp. I don’t want Stalwart to become some drowners dinner.” I was horrified by the thought. 

 

Geralt raised his eyes and sighed heavily. “You might want to be more concerned about yourself. The crones won’t be looking kindly upon you for trespassing or stealing what they consider their property.”

 

“Are you trying to frighten me?” I grumbled as I narrowed my eyes.

 

“No, I just think you should be prepared.”

 

“I will be fine, thank you for your concern,” I remarked sarcastically.

 

“When we get to the swamp, stay close.”

 

I wasn’t sure whether it was merely concern or whether he was assuming I couldn’t look after myself. “You know I can look after myself. I have killed beasts unaided,” I strained as I recalled cutting down my own brother.

 

It drew me back to the moment. If there had been any other way I would have taken it. I wished he would have shown some remorse instead of clinging to the hatred driving him. I had once been terrified of him but I had pitied his existence in the end. He took everything from me but I had gained purpose from that hellish moment. I sighed heavily. A single tear rolled down my cheek, I quickly wiped it away before Geralt saw it.

 

“Can you two wrap up your lover's tiff and join us?” The Baron exclaimed in a mocking tone.

 

My cheeks flushed. I shook off the sadness and embarrassment as we had a job to do and I had to focus. It was a slow march to the bog on foot, as we drew closer to the swamp the smell was apparent. The smell of rot burned my sensitive senses. I merely wrinkled my nose when I wanted to throw up. The Baron looked determined; his men seemed restless, their eyes darting about them as if they feared an attack was imminent.

“I hear tales about some powerful witches in these parts,” one of the Baron’s men muttered seeming as though he did not want to summon them by merely mentioning them.

 

“Don’t tell me you believe that guff about crones, stories is all,” he mocked his men for their superstition.

 

“The crones are real, you will find that out soon enough,” Geralt assured him.

 

This, however, led his men to grip more tightly to the hilt of their swords. I could hear the tightening of their fingers and see their body language grow rigid.

 

The Baron replied dismissively, “bah nonsense, just some old women turning the minds of peasants to mush.”

 

I didn’t want to confirm the seemingly growing fears of the men he had convinced to follow him, but if they were unprepared it would be dangerous. It made me wonder if I was I prepared for the crones? As this time I would be stepping into the swamp as an intruder, not a welcome guest. I took a deep breath. The first man to take an armored foot into the murky waters stirred the drowners. Their movement clear to my improved senses, they were swimming toward us in a slow a purposeful manner. But there was another beast stirring amongst them, it was the first to rise up with a scream. A water hag, I recalled little of them but they had mind enough to throw mud in your eyes before they lunged for you. I kept my eye on her as she skulked toward us. Her gangly limbs made her slow in movement but her arms were long and claws sharp. I ducked as she threw a ball of mud. Her beady eyes were set upon me as I heard drowners rising up around us. I took a quick look about me to see where the beasts were situated. One of the drowners had risen next to me, bearing its teeth. Before it thought to swipe at me I plunged a blade into its chest. As I dragged my sword free of the shocked and failing drowner, I kicked it back to avoid its thrashing claws. When I turned the hag was lumbering toward one of the Baron's men who was desperately trying to remove the mud from his eyes. I raced over to her, cutting a deep mark into her back. This forced her to turn back to me, enraged she swiped for me. I barely dodged her reaching claw. As I turned and swiped my blade I managed to cut her hand free from her arm. Her scream was ear piercing, I winced but held back the reflex to protect my ears as we were still surrounded. The hag was impaired but still dangerous as now she was a wounded creature she would fight harder. She lunged for me this time she caught my sword arm, luckily my new armor took the brunt, but I felt the power of the hit. It was all I could do to keep my sword in hand. I maneuvered myself behind her and with as much power as I could muster I swiped my sword down, cleaving her in two. The blood splattered, the smell of rot and fresh death were a foul mix. When I turned back toward the others I was glad to see that the final drowner had been dealt with. My jarred shoulder slumped, and the weight of the sword became a strain. I winced and hoped no one saw it. No vulnerability could show as I wanted them and myself to realise I could handle this.

 

“Is everyone okay?” I pressed as I looked around.

 

“Yes, fine,” the Baron called.

 

The Baron’s man I had aided took up beside me and whispered, “Thank you.”

 

He returned swiftly to the Baron’s side. I nodded in acknowledgment. The pain in my shoulder began to subside. As it eased I circled my shoulder to assure myself that I would be ready for whatever awaited us in Crookback Bog. We continued to move forward. A new more pungent toxic smell burned at my senses, forcing my eyes to water. A strange yellow fog lay before us, there was no way around it and from the smell I could guess it would be poisonous.

 

“Wait,” I called to the Baron and his men.

 

“What is it?” He returned calling his men to a stop.

 

“This is a poison of some kind. Step back I have an idea,” I mused.

 

They all looked at me curiously before heeding my warning. I stretched out one hand and let the power of signs rush to my fingertips, heat rushed through my hands as flame burst from my outstretched hand. A shield was formed with the hand I held back. It was just a precaution but it took more than I realised to sustain such a large shield and over so many, sweat began to form upon my forehead as the flames licked at the barrier. I could feel the heat. A few more drowners had pulled up upon hearing their water disturbed. The last thing they saw was a flash of light as the fog ignited, burning them to cinders. The remains dropped into the water and the fog dissipated with the flame. I sighed with relief as the flames died and the shield held. I dropped my hands and recovered myself that had taken more out of me than I cared to admit. A little dizzy but holding my balance as I struggled to regain my focus. My mind was foggy for a moment but I still heard the Baron exclaim, “Bloody hell, good thing you shielded us from that.” He looked shaken by how close the flame had gotten.

 

“You’re lucky that didn’t end badly,” Geralt chided.

 

“One of the many differences between female witchers and male is the signs are stronger. I knew what I was doing,” I assured him.

 

It was half true, I knew the signs were stronger but I had not expected such a backlash of flame. It was lucky that I had learnt how to sustain a shield. I had not had training like Geralt so sometimes I wasn’t fully aware of how to control my abilities, but I would not let Geralt know this. Geralt and Vesemir couldn’t be right, that this life wasn’t for me as this was the life I had chosen. I was strong enough.

The sounds of the creatures stirring beneath the water soon became still and silent, we had either killed all of those that dwelt here or they we choosing to hide, either way our path was clear for the moment. Finally, my feet stepped upon solid ground. In the midst of the crone's liar stood a small band of soldiers and they didn't appear concerned by our presence.

The girl among them was the first to step forward, her eyes narrowing upon Geralt, she cast a distasteful look to the Baron. “Witcher! Change your mind, how much did my father pay you?”

 

There was obviously more going on here than I knew, so I just held back ever watchful and listening for any disturbances in the swamp around us.

 

“You have nothing to fear, you brought your new friends with you,” Geralt replied.

 

“I have no fear, the eternal fire protects me,” the girl exclaimed.

 

I had heard rumours of them and their vile antics; I furrowed my brow but held my silence and merely remained an observer.

 

“Won’t need to protect you from me,” Geralt assured her.

 

Before their barbed discussion could continue the Baron interjected, “Tamara, dear daughter. You have returned after all.”

 

She did not look at all pleased to see him, her stance became rigid and as he stepped forth exclaiming, “Don’t deny me this embrace.” Tamara stepped back and took a hand loosely to the hilt of her sword as if in warning.

 

“Stay away from me. I am here for my mother, as unlike you I will not see her rot in this swamp,” Tamara spat.

 

The tension was growing between them. She appeared angry and defensive, were the baron seemed apologetic and desperate. “Why do you think I am here? To take her home.”

 

Tamara looked unmoved by his pleas, and continued, “You will do no such thing. You will not lay a finger on her. Never. I’ll not let you.”

 

It dawned upon me in that moment that the secret the Baron had not wished to share with me had been he had hurt his wife. I was shaken as I had not imagined this was his secret. He seemed harmless, but then I recalled many said the same of my brother. You never truly know all sides of a person. I felt an odd sense of shame being at his side. My shock must have been obvious as Tamara declared, “did you not know this of him? But then I suppose he wouldn’t tell you as he needs your help. Wants you to think him harmless, a good man,” she scoffed.

 

I felt foolish and angry. The Baron had a lot to answer for. I turned my soured expression upon him. “This would be the secret you did not wish to share with me. I see why.” I hissed through gritted teeth.

 

He sighed heavily dropping his gaze from his daughter and flinching when he caught my eye for a moment. “I know what I did is inexcusable. I wish to atone,” he cried looking at me then to his daughter. His voice sounded so sorrowful, and his eyes seemed to convey a genuine remorse. The kind I had hoped to find within my brother's eyes, I felt angry that I had been denied this. No apology would have been enough but to know he was sorry for all he had done would have given me some kind of peace. “I have changed. Ask anyone! Geralt, come, tell her.”

 

Geralt looked annoyed to be drawn into their personal problems, but he sighed and remarked, “Your father – he wants to find his wife, your mother, really.”

 

“He pay you much to be his yes man?” Tamara scathed.

 

I understood her not believing that he could change, words were not enough. I could see her turmoil, she sneered but her eyes looked sorrowful. One of the men with her spoke up with some rhetoric, “Verily I say unto you that ire and vehemence can lead to naught but one’s downfall.”

 

Something in the seemingly arrogant manner with which he carried himself and spoke made me take an instant dislike to him. His uniform being that of witch hunters did not endear him to me. I couldn’t help but raise my eyes as he strode over. When the Baron declared, “Who the bloody hell is this?”  
I thought to myself ‘my thoughts exactly’ despite wanting to hate the Baron, he had a point.

 

“And who are you to ask so crudely?” The commander postulated.

 

“This is my commander,” Tamara announced as if proud of her association.

 

“And that should be of no concern to a drunken swine,” the commander stressed with a harsh stare.

 

It seemed everyone but I had been aware of the Baron’s past. Watching someone else’s family drama unfold before me was uncomfortable to witness and I wasn’t sure whether silence was the best option but I had nothing to add. So I just continued to watch wide-eyed.

 

“Tamara! You stand with their kind now? Perhaps you’d have them torture and hang your own father?”

 

“You’re not my father. And I care not a bit what befalls you,” Tamara replied dismissively.

 

The Baron visibly flinched as if her words had wounded him. I hated myself for it but I felt for him, I did not want to. He was contemptible, but that look upon his face. I was almost grateful to have her pompous commander interject and dispel the tension. “A-hem. I remind you we have a matter to resolve here.” He looked to Geralt, “Witcher, will you help us?”

 

“Wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t willing.”

 

“And what of you?” he remarked looking to me.

 

I was almost startled to be called upon; I hadn’t felt present until that moment. “Yes, I am here to help.”

 

“I have lost five men and have little notion of what to expect in this cursed place,” he remarked in a strangely humble fashion.

 

“We need to move fast before the crones return.”

 

“How do you know they aren’t here already?” Tamara remarked.

 

“Because we are still alive,” Geralt replied curtly.

 

“Search the village,” Tamara’s commander called out.

 

The commander’s soldiers broke off into groups. I took to the closest hut myself, wearily pushing the door open. Glancing around the room I searched for the Baron’s wife. I realized I had no description of her but I assumed I would know her when I saw her. I would definitely know the crones if I saw them whatever form they took. Each corner of this hut was bare which was both a relief and disheartening. As I stepped back out of the hut I heard a man’s voice exclaim, “Over here.”

 

I rushed out; taking toward the hut they were in and held back at the door. I could hear a woman ranting, her sentences were nonsensical. She sounded scattered and confused. Tamara sounded heartbroken as she stressed, “mother?”

 

A silent witness to their trauma was painful, hard to watch. Tamara’s mother looked older than her years, her hair almost white. Her clothes were dirty and ragged and only became worse as she crawled back and forth in her confusion. Tamara looked as if she was hoping for recognition but the woman pulled back from her outstretched hand and continued to rave. I backed away from the door as the Baron approached, he looked almost afraid to enter, to see what had become of his wife. She sounded as if her mind was broken, and no words from her daughter brought her back. The Baron finally dragged his feet forth and gazed upon his wife. He helped her to her feet and told her, “We have come for you.”

 

I could see tears tracking his cheeks as he passed me, leading his wife outside. Tamara did not object she just looked taken back; she almost seemed frozen in place, helpless. After a moment she too followed out. Tamara again tried to appeal to her mother to remember her, her voice heavy with emotion as she begged her mother to look at her, to know her but it was in vain as she did not even glance up at her she just continued to ramble. Tamara then turned to me and Geralt and pressed, “What has happened to her?” Geralt seemed at a loss to explain her condition, and I had only guesses. Tamara’s pleading eyes locked upon mine and she remarked, “And what of you do you now know either?”

 

“I could only guess but I doubt that would satisfy.”

 

“Then guess,” she begged.

 

“She has been through so much, her mind is fractured…”

 

I would have continued to hazard a guess at her mother’s condition but I sensed something, and it seemed so did Geralt as he looked to me. We both pulled our swords free of their sheaths.

 

“What is it?” Tamara pressed.

 

“Something is coming,” I replied.

 

“Ready yourselves,” Geralt called out in warning as a strange growl sounded out.

 

The Baron and his men, the commander and his soldiers and Tamara all heeded Geralt’s warning; they drew their swords and stood ready. A strange dark mist began to roll towards us. They were guessing at what monster was coming toward us, but they were assuming it would be something commonplace, they were wrong, I could feel it. It was bigger than a wolf or drowner. The darkness rolling in taunted us with the coming danger without revealing it, the crones were mocking us. I could hear them whispering upon the winds, “tisk tisk my dear, we thought you our friend, but we cannot forgive trespassing and theft,” they chided. 

 

Drowners as if on commander rose up from the swamps and attacked. They were numerous, but we were all ready for a fight. At speed I ran at the drowner closest to me and brought my sword down upon its head, it shrieked and fell silent just a swiftly. I could hear the gurgle and cries of drowners all around me. The commander's soldiers were holding one back with their shields. I ran over to aid them and with our three blades, we dealt fatal wounds to the drowner. Geralt was fighting back a water hag. The crones were still whispering about us talking about how they had killed and eaten those who had resided in this village, how they had been tasty. I was disgusted and chided myself for aiding such beings to safety. I should have left them to die. In that moment of distraction, a drowner scrapped its claws across my armor, the screeching of the metal brought me back to the moment. I was thankful that this armor was so good and that my foolish lapse in concentration had not cost me more. I dodged its second attack with a side step, and as its back was vulnerable to me, I plunged my blade into it. To free my trapped sword I was forced forced to take my foot to its back and pull. The beast cried in agony as the blade tore back through. It gurgled as black blood filled its mouth. Its pained eyes had a flash of desperation within them as it tried to hold itself together. I almost felt sorry for it as it dropped to the ground. The drowners had been dealt with but the beast which had growled finally showed itself. It was a fiend; it looked alike to a mutated and monstrous stag. It crashed about charging madly at those foolish enough to draw close and raise their blades to it. It had knocked everyone beside it to ground and as they scrambled up to make a second run I called out, “Stand back.”

 

I was pleasantly surprised to find that they all listened to my order; Taunting the beast with fire to turn it upon me and now its dead eyes set on me. I brought forth an unholy blaze of flame from my fingers, the power of which set the beast alight. In its pained and enraged state it charged. I would have jumped to safety but I felt a strange sense of confusion take me, the world about me became distant and dark. The next thing I knew I was flat upon the ground, I gasped and turned expecting to see the beast but I met Geralt’s eyes. He must have charged me free of the beast’s path, he looked annoyed but I had no time to deal with that now. Recovering quickly we all managed to finish the fiend with little trouble as the flames had dealt enough damage to weaken the beast. It whined as it dropped to ground with a heavy thud.

 

“What was that bloody thing?” The Baron exclaimed as he took a cautious blade to its side just to assure himself it was truly down and staying down.

“It was a fiend. Those damn crones must have sent it.” I exclaimed. I was feeling foolish for saving them but I wanted them to hear my anger.

“Why?” Tamara exclaimed in frustration.

 

“For Anna.” Geralt stated.

 

Tamara grew enraged. “Those damn witches! Have you not done enough to her?” She called out as if she too was hoping the crones were listening. “That is it I am taking her away from this damn place.”

 

“She is my wife, she will return with me. You are welcome to join us if you wish.” The baron declared.

 

“No, don’t touch her,” Tamara warned.

 

“She’s sick, weakened…Where would you take her in this state? Oxenfurt? It would mean her death!”

 

“I know how to look after my mother,” Tamara cried defensively.

 

“She is not a rag doll to ripped hand to hand! Let her decide.” Tamara’s commander suggested.

 

Anna just continued to rave and rant, digging her hands into the earth, her eyes wild. “I don’t think she is in a fit state of mind to make such a decision,” I remarked looking down feeling saddened to see the poor woman in such a confused and delirious state.

 

“Maybe this is another cruelty of those witches. Help her please.” Tamara begged.

 

I could not sense magic, this was no spell. “This does not bare the mark of magic I am afraid,” I replied sadly, knowing there was little I could do for her.

 

“What is wrong with her then?” She pressed.

 

Geralt looked to me before he added, “She has been through a lot. Lost a child, carried off by a fiend, lived in the crone's village taking care of children who are now gone…It’s left its mark, as it would on anyone.”

 

I felt for her as I Geralt relayed her horrible tale. She did not deserve such fate. “You can’t help her? She is to remain like this?” Tamara cried in frustration.

 

“I am sorry,” was all Geralt could think to say as if lost for words.

 

There was so much pain here and the consequences of all of our actions were taking its toll. I had no idea who I was saving that fateful day and how it would affect others and I wished I had not had to see it. My burden was heavy but if spoke of my guilt for saving the crones, what good would it do? It wouldn’t unburden me or bring Anna back, so I had to bare the pain of looking upon her and knowing that she was not the only victim of these crones and would not be the last. I should have let them die.

 

The baron broke the heavy silence. “I know of a hermit, a very wise man with a gift for healing. Met him some time past. Lives in the Blue Mountains. I shall take her there.”

 

He looked to me and Geralt as if hoping for assurances, “It can do her no harm.” I stressed with a sad smile.

 

“I will go with you.” Tamara declared.

 

Her commander was quick to remind her of her vow and duty to her new order, as he told Tamara of where they were to take their work her eyes remained upon her mother, as if torn between her duty and love of her mother. It was painful to watch her heart break a second time. She stressed, “You said you would help me save my mother.”

 

“And we have done so. Your father can take over from here, care for her.”

 

“He. Care? You know him! You know what he did to her!”

 

“He swears to be a changed man. And in his eyes, I see true sorrow, remorse for his sins. He will care for her. And you have a new life, and new duties - to the eternal fire.”

 

“Fear not, all will be well. I will not touch drink. I will find the hermit and once she is herself again, we will find you.” He promised as if he was speaking to himself, his wife and his daughter, making a vow to them.

 

Sadness and disgust crossed her face as she pressed him, “swear it.”

 

“You have my word child.” He assured her.

 

He lifted Anna from the ground, holding her to him as she continued to mutter. She seemed a little calmer, maybe a part of her could sense he was no longer a danger to her. “Be true to your word, lest I be forced to track you down myself,” I warned him as he passed me.

 

“You need not worry. I will be good to her, I know what I have done. I will never forget it, nor repeat it.” He stressed his eyes upon Anna as he spoke.

 

They left together. I hoped that they would find what they looked for and that I would not have to draw my blade upon him. Monsters come in all forms but it seemed that this beast had humanity within him and wished to atone for his past sins if that is even possible. Tamara still looked unconvinced but she had no choice, she had orders to follow. She merely nodded to us as she followed after her commander.

 

“Chris, you need to be more careful,” Geralt chided when we were alone.

 

“It worked didn’t it.”

 

“Yes, but I don’t want bear witness to what happens when your luck runs out,” he exclaimed in annoyance.

 

“You’re worried about me?” I returned with a hint of a smile.

 

“And those unfortunates who might be aside you when it the worst happens. You need to learn to control your abilities,” he continued to berate me, but he dropped the accusing finger and sighed, “I forget you weren’t trained as I was.”

 

“Can you teach me?” I pressed hopefully.

 

“Yes, but don’t expect me to go easy on you,” he warned.

 

“What’s the point in sleeping with the teacher if it doesn’t get you any perks?” I joked.

 

He gave me a wry smile and replied, “We will see what happens after your first lesson.”

 

I was tempted to continue this banter but I knew we had to keep moving. “We should get going; it’s going to be dark soon.”

“True.”

“So where are we going to be staying?” I mused.

“Don’t think the crones will give us room and board.” He remarked with a wry grin.

“They might just the price would be a little too steep.” I returned.

Geralt laughed as he turned and began to walk free of the swamp, heading in the direction of crows perch. I followed behind thankful to turn my back upon that place, but I knew that was not the last I had seen of the crones. No longer friends, I had crossed them and they would find a way to make me pay. I had to watch my step as new monsters had their sights set upon me.


	27. Ciri's footsteps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt and Chris continue toward Novigrad

After spending the night in crows perch, the looks from the guards and townsfolk were beginning to seem as if without the Baron we had outstayed our welcome. But this did not matter as we had to journey to Novigrad to follow in Ciri’s footsteps. Geralt had told me he knew people there and hoped they might have answers for him but his expression seemed to speak volumes. I had not pressed it that night but in the light of day, I felt my curiosity return and mused amidst donning my new armour, “So, Who is this friend of yours?”

I scrutinised Geralt’s expression and he appeared uncomfortable and answered uneasily, “Triss, well…she was more than a friend, but that was a long time ago.”

I tensed as the idea of meeting one of his past lovers made me wonder if I would measure up. Of course, I said nothing of the fears this brought to mind so I used sarcasm to guise my true feelings. “So, I finally get to meet your sorceresses, lucky me.”

I grew more uneasy as Geralt drew close taking my chin in hand, gently urging me to look up at him. He forced me to hold his gaze with a firmer grip as I tried desperately to look away. “You need not worry. You are the one I chose to be with.”

I still felt so unworthy of his love that I couldn’t bring myself to acknowledge it, as when I tried the shame of my mistakes surfaced. The feeling of vulnerability was terrifying as I had spent too many of my years terrified and no longer wished to feel. I had hoped becoming a witcher would end all these painful emotions but it had not. That loving look on his face was too much to bear, so I choked back the tears that threatened to surface and pulled free of his grip. He sighed heavily and I remarked, “So I should be prepared for envy. There is no fury like that of a sorceress scorned.”

I turned to see Geralt roll his eyes and a ghost of a smile cross his lips, “Yeah, something like that.”

We walked out in silence and somehow it felt strange to not hear the baron’s lively voice bidding us farewell. I hoped that he could help his wife and find the redemption he sought for his sins. I whispered a little prayer to ether in the hope that people could truly change as sadly I had so few willing to do so in my life. Before mounting Stalwart I felt Geralt's hand upon my shoulder. I turned to find him looking at me in that same manner and I wanted to turn away but I found myself unable to as he took me in his arms. In a reflex, I closed my eyes and felt his lips press gently to mine. His lips were soft and the distinct taste of swallow potions lingered upon his lips which only made the passion seem all the more heightened. The kiss became lingering but remained gentle. My heart fluttered in my chest. I hated and loved the way he made me feel, so desired and cared for even when he didn’t quite have the words. He broke the kiss and as I blinked my eyes open he was smiling. “You forgot to say good morning properly.”

Unbidden a goofy grin crossed my lips as I replied, “well if this is the response I get I think I might forget more often.”

He laughed to himself and we took to our mounts. “Good morning, Stalwart,” I whispered.

“You’re not going to kiss the horse are you?” He teased.

My cheeks flushed and I replied, “No, we are just friends.”

The journey to Novigrad had begun in good spirits and we raced each other and I would win each time because Stalwart almost seemed intuitive of my every motion and I of his. “Well done stalwart, worthy of your name indeed. We showed him.”

“You know I can hear you right?” Geralt exclaimed.

“Of course,” I teased with a gentle smile.

“I may not be the fastest rider but I am experienced.”

“Yes, you’re definitely skilled,” I replied, a sly grin crossing my lips as I recalled the delights of last night.

“Don’t get too distracted, you’re going off the trail,” Geralt guffawed.

It was true. I had in my haze led Stalwart astray, so I quickly corrected our course. My cheeks were aflame with embarrassment as Geralt continued to laugh to himself. He finally stopped and stated, “At least I know how to distract you in future.”

“So underhanded,” I tutted in amusement.

“I don’t know about that. It’s an ego boost to know that how much of an effect I have on you.”

He looked so smug, I just narrowed my eyes but the smile crossing my lips wouldn’t go away no matter how much I willed it to. So I let him have this one but it annoyed me to know he was right. 

The cold chill of the early morning passed to the warmth of the afternoon and then faded into the crisp of early evening. We by passed a small town assuming that we would find somewhere else before nightfall. As visibility fell to the heightened senses only, I couldn’t believe how quickly the day had passed and we still had some distance to travel but in the dark, it was never smart to venture out, even as a Witcher. 

I was beginning to wonder whether we would have to wander aimlessly or sleep upon the cold hard ground. In the distance what appeared to be a settlement was revealed to be a small campsite as we drew closer. I could hear the occupants breathing heavily and pulling swords free of their sheaths and I could make out that there were a half dozen heartbeats begin to race as we drew ever closer. This made it clear to me that they were no villagers and they were readying themselves for something, maybe to ambush us. This put me on my guard. One man pulled forward from the group. “Please, help us. We have wounded,” the front man cried out in what would have been a convincing manner had I not the enhanced senses of a Witcher. I heard him laugh to himself and I knew they were armed.

When they realised we weren’t unsuspecting victims they changed their tact and quickly called out, “They aren’t villagers. They are them freaks.”

A second man demanded, “Give us all you got witchers and I might not sell you to the highest bidder, them witch hunters pay well for your kind.”

Few of them had horses but I did not wish to risk Stalwart in the midst of numerous foes that may with fools luck strike a glancing blow. I dismounted pulling free my steel sword and warned as they lumbered forward, “Do yourselves a favour and leave before you hurt yourselves.”

The grizzled large man at the front of the group laughed derisively and replied, “The last fools who wouldn’t part with their belongings met their end and if you wish to join them sweetheart who am I to argue.”

I focused on the man before me but I listened for all movement so should any other motion toward me I would hear them. I was not overly fond of killing humans but monsters come in all forms and to leave them would put others at risk. So I readied myself for combat and awaited the oaf leading these cruel thieves to make the first move and when he finally lumbered forth I moved out of his reach then stepped in and flanked him pushing my blade into his back, he gurgled as the blood swiftly filled his mouth. The metallic tint flooded the air as I pulled my blade free of him. He didn’t gasp for air long, as his death was swift. I knew where to plunge the blade to end suffering, as it had become a necessity and a mercy for the monsters I would have to face. 

His followers appeared aghast, their mouths agape. They must have thought me an easy target who would be dealt with by only one man. I offered them a final chance, “Leave, or die.”

In the silence that followed I hoped that his followers would see his demise as a chance to leave and reconsider their lives but they were all fools as it seemed their shock gave way to rage and their eyes narrowed on me. I heard their grips upon their blades tighten. “Bring the bitch down,” one man cried out.

They no longer thought it wise to fight me fairly, so they all rushed me. I evaded their grasping hands and for those foolish enough to hold out their arms long enough, they parted with them. Their yelps of agony drew guilt forth in me, leading me to rush in to end their pain. In my haste, I took a knock to the back leading me to stumble. The one rule of combat was to never be grounded, as it would mean death for most. Luckily I was swift enough to escape the fatal blade that pierced the earth instead of my flesh. I pulled up and looked to the group who were now bearing down upon me eyes aflame. Through laboured breath, I pressed, “You can still leave with your lives.”

They laughed derisively as if they believed they had the upper hand. Taking each of them down brought me no joy but I knew their like and their foul deeds would span years and they would prey upon travellers and families, killing any who were kind enough to stop and come to their aid.

With rage and speed, I took to each man, cut throats whenever the possibility arose, a fast agony was better than slow torture. Those who writhed on the ground were not left to their misery as I took a fatal blade through their hearts.

I was left amidst a small field now littered with bodies. Their blood stained the ground about me and I held still as the last man fell silent and prayed for their lost souls, whether they were deserving or not. Recovering myself from the exertion of battle I took deep steady breaths and relaxed my sword arm. Turning back I had not realised that Geralt had not joined me in battle, he was still mounted and looking to me.

“I gave them every opportunity to leave,” I strained.

“I know,” Geralt assured me.

“Then why are you looking at me like that?” I pressed, wanting his unrelenting stare to end.

“I want to see how you fight and I am impressed, I also know killing a human is not the same as killing a monster. I see that your accuracy is intended as a mercy but it can lead your blade to be away from you for too long and put you at risk.”

“What is wrong with wanting their suffering to be lessened?” I stressed feeling an annoyance grow with each chiding word.

“Nothing, and I am glad to see you are not so changed but I know from experience that it will not always be possible and if for whatever reason I am not with you I wouldn’t want you caught off guard for the sake of conscience.”

“I can live with it this way,” I stressed feeling a lump in my throat.

“You won’t live if you take such risks and I want you to live.”

“But you had my back,” I remarked dismissively.

“Here I did but what if I am fighting my own battles? What then?” He chided.

“Well, I suppose I will die, is that what you want to hear?” I cried.

“No! I want you to listen to someone who has lived this life for much longer than you. These were inexperienced bandits, no soldier or monster will be so slow to attack and they will not give a damn for your suffering!”

“I can’t watch them suffer like my brother did.” Tears pricked my eyes and coursed down my cheeks.

“Chris, they are not your brother. You can’t save everyone.”

“But I want to try, I have to try,” I strained as I began to feel overwhelmed.

“You will have to accept that this is not possible, you can’t be responsible for the choices others make.”

As the adrenaline began to wear off I could feel every painful emotion I had pushed down surfacing, as if they saw their chance to escape and bubbled up within me. I knew he was right but the pressure grew in my chest until my breathing became strained and I was overrun with images of their faces, my brother, the professor, his daughter and the look on the baron’s face. “It’s my fault, I destroyed them. I thought I was doing the right thing and look at all those who have suffered in turn. If I had let the witches die, Anna might have been living a normal life. If I hadn’t let my fear drive me the professor wouldn’t have been able to kill those poor fools who thought they were aiding their country. And my brother, I didn’t even try to save him,” I sobbed letting it all come out.

“Chris you think you could have saved these people from themselves? That is not something you can do,” Geralt assured me as he pulled me into his arms.

I pressed my head to his chest and cried until my throat was raw. When I finally stopped and looked up at Geralt through blurry eyes, in a hoarse voice I added one final regret to my ramblings, “I betrayed you and Vesemir, handing over your secrets. Why didn’t you just let Vincent kill me?”

“Did you want to die?”

“I did,” I croaked.

“And now?”

“I don’t want to die but I don’t want to feel this guilt or shame, it’s too much. I thought being a witcher would put an end to all of this.”

“Being a witcher isn’t a free pass. It is pain like this that will make sure you do things differently next time.”

I sighed heavily at the thought of there being a next time. To be faced with such grey morality daily was terrifying. The idea of making a mistake and the repercussions of that mistake was almost paralysing. I pulled free of Geralt's arms and took to the bandit’s camp, sitting before the fire still ablaze and letting my eyes and mind drift into the hypnotic motion of the flames.

When I was pulled from my reverie from a gentle squeeze of my shoulder I noticed it was pitch black, the feelings had not faded but the power of them had eased and after falling into an unintended meditative state my mind felt more clear. I turned to look up at Geralt. “You okay?” he asked. 

“No,” I confessed, “but things feel clearer and you’re right, I can’t torture myself. I will do better next time.”

“Good to hear, and as for your fighting style, I will make sure you work on that. I have lost enough.”

“I am sorry, Geralt,” I remarked, my eyes dropping to the ground.

“It’s okay things won’t seem so bleak in the morning.”

He took my hand and led me into the tent the bandits had set up for themselves, not spacious but comfortable enough, and good shelter from the elements. I took to the ground pulling onto my side. Geralt's arm slid round my waist and the warmth of him so close lulled me into comfortable, drowsy feeling.


	28. Reaching Novigrad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon reaching the city Chris and Geralt find that there are more sinister things happening within the city walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Certain dialogue is from the game itself and I take no credit for but some has been edited given the impact of Chris's presence. And all banter with Chris is my own original work. Sorry, this update took so long. I hit a roadblock and for some time was unsure how to proceed.

With Novigrad’s city gates coming into view I could see guards barring the towns enterance. Drawing closer there seemed to be a tension building about us. I began to notice those being held at the gate where elves, Dwarves and mages. Not a single human was among them being forced to wait and suffer this indignity. My blood began to boil as I took in this scene. I was no longer human so I assumed I would have to fight my way in. So I readied myself for trouble. The guards were already eyeing Geralt and myself, their brows deeply furrowed and eyes narrowed. “What do you freaks want in Novigrad?” The first guard declared scrunching his nose as if the smell and sight of us was offensive.

 

I curled my lips in a snarl, fierce words were just at the tips of my tongue but Geralt spoke over me as if he knew what I was about to say. “I have rite of passage,” he remarked plainly and handed the guard a piece of paper. Both guards took their time scrutinising it, umming and ahing over it. “Looks legit to me. Guess we have to let em by.”

  


“I guess so,” the second guard remarked in frustration as if he was hoping for an excuse to hold us up like the rest of the poor folk stranded upon the city’s doorstep. Some looked as if they had been here for days as their clothes looked worse for wear as if slept in and the bags under their eyes seemed to speak of restless nights. I slowed the trot of Stalwart wondering what I could do. Geralt ushered me on, “there is nothing we can do.” He sighed.

  


I didn’t want to believe that but the guards had reluctantly let us in if I tried anything I was libel to have us thrown out of Novigrad. So I dropped my eyes and heaviness pressed on my chest as I followed after Geralt. We found stables willing to hold our horses for an exorbitant fee. It was extortion and I knew I could change his mind with magic. I took a breath readying myself but Geralt turned swiftly to me and remarked in a hushed tone, “Don’t, we need to be cautious. Something strange is going on here. Can’t you smell what’s lingering in the air here?”

  


I let the noise of the streets fall into the background and focused on my sense of smell. It was an awful odour souring the air. It was the smell of death, and for it to still be lingering the deaths had to be many or recent either way it concerned me. A strange cry from the towns centre rang out. I followed the rancid burning smell that brought tears to my eyes. My eyes widened upon the spectacle of two pour souls attached to pyres, one was already dead, their body burned to the point of barely being recognisable in any form. The sight sickened me as did the smell but I swallowed the rising bile in my throat. The fire under that poor soul was now nothing but smoulder. There was another still living calling out to the crowd who were watching keenly as if this was some form of entertainment. They disgusted me. Maybe I could help this poor man but before I could even raise a hand the pyre was lit and the fire consumed him swiftly but not before his cries of suffering filled the town square. I had to look away but it seemed I was the only one offended by the sight.

 

As I looked back up I noticed a man with the torch in hand between the smouldering pyres, he was tall, bald and imposing with a scar upon his face. His sickly smile made my skin crawl as it was as if he was looking right at me. He seemed proud of his vile brutality; he disgusted me so much so I had to look away.

  


“Geralt? What is wrong with this city? How is something like this okay to them?” I hissed.

  


I would swear I heard people behind me clucking their tongues as if offended by my disapproval, but I dismissed it hoping these people had not truly sunk so low. “I have no idea but we are going to find out. Triss will know,” he assured me.

  


But there was no answer that would explain this to me other than those burned being vicious condemned killers. The man’s cries of just wanting to lead a normal life, however, made me believe there was something much more sinister going on here. I had to follow Geralts led through the streets of Novigrad as I did not know my way. He turned a corner and pushed open a set of gates but the house before us looked in disrepair, surely no one could live here. Two men were skulking round boxes that looked as if they had been cast hastily out into the street. Broken lids, bottles have smashed upon the ground, discarded.

  


“What is going on here?” I exclaimed as this city was beginning to confound me.

  


They both turned on their heels upon hearing my voice. Both looked and smelt like scavengers. Their fingers grasped at the air as if they did not want to miss an opportunity to snatch something. Both of them had scruffy unkempt straw-like hair and their beards were bushy as if they had not bathed or shaved in a long time. This left a stale odour about them as if days or weeks’ worth of sweat still clung to their mucky skin. “Nothing you need worry about,” the first man declared with a sly smile upon his weasely features.

 

The second thief was hooded and gave a more stern warning, “now get lost, we got here first. This is our loot.”

  


“I don’t care about the loot. Interested in what happened to the sorceress who lived here,” Geralt assured them.

  


“You think we believe that?” the first thug remarked.

  


“Yeah,” Geralt replied flatly.

  


They either believed him or after taking a proper look at us they realised we weren’t worth the trouble.  “She is probably hiding with the rest of the rats.”

  


I could hear Geralts fists tighten followed by a heavy sigh as if it was difficult to hold back his anger for their disregard for his friend. “And where would that be?”

  


“You best look for er in putrid grove.”

  


“That’s an interesting name.”

  


“Word is it’s a place for the freaks of this city. No decent folk would go there.”

  


“That why you think my friends there?” Geralt remarked.

  


“I meant no offence," the unhooded thief assured Geralt hastily.

  


“How do I get there?”

  


“I don’t by rights know but rumour has it that’s where the scum and freaks go.”

  


Emboldened the hooded thief declared, “You two would be right at home.”

  


It was as though he believed the hood granted him some amenity. Fool, I was close enough to kill him with a wave of my hand but I held by the urge. I just wanted this discussion to be over with so I remarked, “we would, as it's got to be better than here.”

  


They both sneered at my sharp remark. “But we need to get there first,” Geralt echoed as if in annoyance at the lack of clarity from the thieves and my intent to antagonise them.

  


“Some say there is a way in the sewers but no one’s told me where the entrance is. Only other possibility is asking the beggars and thieves as they pay tribute to the king of beggars. So I hear they do so in the grove.”

   


Geralt scoffed and quipped, “The local beggars have a king? What with a sceptre and a crown? And all that.”

  


“I wouldn’t be laughing it's only a nickname for a powerful man.”

 

 

“And be weary, Menge imself don’t go there."

  


“Someone call for me? I wonder why?” A new voice declared.

  


The scared man from earlier who had set the pyres alight was now standing before us with two heavily armed guards in tow.

  


“It’s Menge,” the hooded thief gasped.

  


“And the temple guard,” his companion declared sounding on edge at the sight of them.

  


This Menge gave us a pointed look as if he wanted us to step aside and we did as these thieves didn’t deserve our protection.

  


“Take these thieving vermin to the confession chamber.”

  


“What’s the offence? It’s only a bitch sorceresses shop.”

  


“Think that gives you the right to take her property,” he remarked with an air of authority.

  


“Well. Sorceresses are outlaws.”

 

“By law, this property belongs to the temple guard. And the rule of law still holds in Novigrad,” he swiped his hands as if declaring the matter closed.

 

The guards took it as their cue as they led the thieves away and I was surprised they didn’t put up a fight of any kind, maybe they had some sense. Menge did not follow his guards. I sighed as I should have known any man wanting to exercise their power had to prove and flaunt it to all and now it was our turn to listen to his pointless blather. He took a seat on a cast out box and for a moment I was hoping it would give way under him and at least we would have some entertainment before the lecture I was sure he was about to give us. He looked us over as if our presence offended him. His presence offended me. I tightened my fists at my sides just to stand the sight of him.

  


“You know a hound can sniff out a rat.”

  


I raised my eyes, fed up with him already. Menge did not make a good impression and I am sure his intent was to intimidate rather than ingratiate but it was so tiresome.

  


“Do you have a point?” I grumbled wanting to hurry him along.

  


His lips turned at the corners, and his brow knitted as he warned, “I ask the questions,” he paused for a moment as if deciding on what slur he intended to use, “Witcher.” He punctuated this with a glare in my direction. “Hounds sniff out rats just like I sniff out freaks. This city is no place for your kind.”

  


“No place for mages now no place for witchers. So who’s this place for?”

  


“Righteous folk professing the one true faith in the eternal fire. I can’t by law take you both now but all it takes is one slip up and I will have you both. And then I will do what we do to all oddities in this city…I will be seeing you.”

  
It had taken all my self-control not to scoff when he said righteous folk. But I was keen to watch him leave and was relieved for his horrible visage to no longer be offending my eye line. I looked to mess around us and remarked, “I am sorry that this happened to your friend.”

  


“She’s capable of looking after herself, but now finding her will be a problem.”

  


“Well, not so difficult you remember what those scavengers said. Follow a thief, and they won’t be hard to spot. Two witchers twice the sight,” I assured him.

  


“Where exactly are we going to find thieves?”

  


“A marketplace, they are easy pickings.”

  


“Dare I ask how you know this?”

  


“I thought it was common knowledge,” I quipped.

  


“Among who?...Thieves?”

  


“Never mind how I know and let’s find your friend.”

  


A wry grin tugged at the corners of his lips and he remarked, “Full of little secrets aren’t you. So did you used to flirt a little and snatch their purse while their eyes were elsewhere?” I just laughed and acted as if I wasn’t going to dignify his questions with a response but the blush of cheeks betrayed me. “You did? Was I intended to be a target?”

  


“No, I am not so foolish to rob a witcher. You would have noticed my sleight of hand,” I teased.

  


“I don’t know I think you would have gotten away with it, my eyes were definitely elsewhere and I was more than distracted,” he purred.

  


“If I had only known I could have had my fun and robbed you blind, but then I guess we wouldn’t be here today. Could have saved myself a lot of trouble.”

  


“Could have saved yourself, a lot of trouble?” he scoffed.

  


“And there was me thinking my company was a pure delight.”

  


“Sometimes you're tolerable,” he teased.

  


“Tolerable?”

  


“Sometimes.”

  


“Come on focus, we have work to do.”

  


“But I am distracted…” He intimated as he pulled closer.

  


Geralts hand pressed to the small of my back and edged me closer. He leant forward his lips softly grazing my neck, which became long lingering kisses. I gasped as a pleasurable shiver ran through me. He pulled back and whispered, “See you could have taken everything.”

  


I felt dazed for a moment and when I looked up at Geralt he looked amused. “What?”

  


“Then again maybe I could have been a good thief.”

  


“hmmm,” I replied still a little distracted.

  


“I would have been good. Probably pays better than being a witcher.”

  


I chuckled to myself. “Yes, you would. So this will be a career move for you. Let’s find your new brethren.”

  


He nodded still looking amused and we walked toward an open marketplace all we had to do was follow the smell of food, not all of it fresh but it led us to a prime location for thieves. Crowds of people would make a great distraction and a quick getaway. An unfortunate man collided with a shifty looking man who had been eyeing him. The thief apologised profusely but I saw the purse in his hand as he hurried away. Geralt was about to charge after him when I put my arm out to stop him. “Wait,” I whispered, “thieves are paranoid, an unfortunate part of the job but it saves you getting caught out.”

  


We slowly followed after the thief at a safe unsuspicious distance and being a couple we looked a little less inconspicuous. I took Geralts hand and he looked at me with a sidelong glance. “It will look less suspicious to see a couple walking along.”

  


“The kiss that good earlier?” he purred.

  


I kept my eye on the thief despite the urge to roll my eyes and watched him pass off the purse as if hoping that the switch would confuse any would be a follower. We held back before following after the new man. The longer we followed him I began to notice the town change; the houses became more run down, the number of beggars and whores on the street corners doubled. There was a lingering rotten smell in the air as if there were layers of desperation, disease and death. I could assume this was where this putrid grove got its name. I felt for those who lived here as I assumed they wouldn’t get many choices on how they survived if they did. Geralt knocked harshly upon the wooden door baring the grove from the supposed decent folk. The window upon the door opened revealing a rather surly looking guard, his hair slicked back with grease and his moustache was unkempt wiggling as he wrinkled his nose and declared, "What do you two want?"

  


"Isn't it obvious," I scoffed recalling the scavengers words of how this was a place for the likes of us.

  


"Purple eyes but like a cat, don't see that often and can’t say I have seen it before. Him, I know what he is but you I am not so sure of. “He continued to scrutinise me with a wary curiosity.

  


I couldn't stand his unrelenting glare any longer so I sighed heavily and remarked, "I am a witcher."

 

His eyes widened as if in shock, "didn't know there were female witcher’s."

 

"There aren't, she is the exception," Geralt grumbled seeming to recall that my becoming a witcher had not been in his control.

 

"Well, well. You see something new here every day. Do you know the password?"

 

"No," I sighed with frustration.

 

"You got to pay for the upkeep of the grove."

 

I scoffed thinking he had to be joking but he held his stern countenance. Turning to Geralt I waited to see how we should proceed as I did not have enough to get us past such a grifter. Geralt threw a coin purse at him but he managed to catch it before it hit him. Shame I would have loved to see it hit him square in the nose, would have wiped away that smug grin. "You may enter, after you hand over your swords, that is. Can’t have you going before the king fully armed and all, not respectful. And he keeps me employed. They will be safe in me locker ere," he assured us.

 

It was not an assurance to me but what choice did I have, so reluctantly I freed my blades from my back but I struggled to release my grip, he had to drag them free of my hands. I felt so strange without them, they gave me the illusion of safety but I was not without skills so I took a deep breath and looked toward the house at the far end where you could see comings and goings. It had to be the kings meeting place, who else would have such a variety of visitors aside from a whore house but there was not sound other than voices in discussion coming from that direction.

 

Walking further into the grove I could see the place certainly lived up to its name, some of the homes looked to be in grave disrepair. I could see people laid out on the ground, some appeared to be sleeping others were groaning in pain. The smells that hit my sharpened sense were many and vile. All matter of human waste was pungent, and the smell of rot lingered in the air. I felt for these people as they had been forced into squalor just because they were different. Damn humans and their fear and superstition so easily fooled into thinking these poor folk were the danger when the real danger wore a crown a top its head, and the other walked the streets as if he owned them with his guards in tow.

 

Upon reaching the house at the back the conversation with became clear. A female voice was reasoning with a male voice about who needed who more. Geralt pushed the door open and that’s when I set my eyes upon Triss. My heart lurched in my chest, she was beautiful and so focused upon the man before her she had yet to see us. I no longer wanted to be here, an urge to run from the room rose within me, but I couldn’t move. I just stood eyes fixed upon Triss while Geralt walked over to her. The man behind the desk who could only be the king of beggars spotted us first, he didn’t appear kingly but his watchful eyes and tone were that of a cautious and intelligent man as he remarked, “And who do I spy…”

 

Triss turned and her eyes seemed to light up as she remarked, “Geralt?”

 

My stomach turned at the sight of her loving glance upon him. I had known this would not be easy for me to meet his past loves but it was more difficult than I had imagined. It left me confused and jealous. I held back as if I didn’t want to intrude upon their moment but the man behind the desk looked over at me and declared, “And who would this be?”

 

Geralt turned furrowing his brow as if he had expected to see me at his side, not hiding in the shadows. “Chris,” he urged.

 

Reluctantly I stepped forward and took to his side. Triss appeared crestfallen at the sight of me as her eyes dropped and her smile vanished. “My, my. This seems to be a rather awkward situation,” he chortled as if amused by my predicament, “I did wonder if you would manage to find me, and it seems that you’re both very crafty indeed. But one thing I don’t know is what the lovely lady is, as she bears the look of a sorceress but also that of a witcher. Very unusual, even around here.”

 

“I am a witcher,” I replied flatly as I was getting sick of explaining myself to people.

 

“There are no female witchers,” Triss remarked as if I was being foolish.

 

“Well, there are, now,” I remarked pointedly.

 

She glowered at me for a moment before looking to Geralt with a questioning glance. He sighed and remarked, “She is a long story, but she is trustworthy, if a little bit…reckless.”

 

“High praise, indeed,” Triss added dripping with sarcasm.

 

Her eyes were narrowed upon me as if she had no intention of trusting me and the man behind the desk just chortled and shook his head, “Ladies, I am sure he isn’t worth fighting over. Two beautiful headstrong ladies such as yourselves surely have better things to be doing with your time, as I do. I have plans for this city.”

 

He sounded ambitious but I couldn’t tell if it would be for the good of the city or ill. Surely things couldn’t get worse here or at least I hoped not. Geralt raised his eyes as if he had heard this all before and glibly added, “Maybe you should join the city council.”

 

“Bah, I would not waste my time with such fools. They are puppets to this cult of madness, well until Radovid took over. The semblance of power doesn’t interest me.”

 

“So that makes you, a what, a visionary,” I remarked sceptically.

 

“This city will one day be free and rid of foolish superstition. The eternal fire nonsense to scare children.”

 

Although he was right to dismiss their radical twisted ideas, it still had influence and I had seen it first hand when not a soul lifted a finger to save those burning in the town square. Evil takes root by fear and holding good people from action.

 

“Not what I saw, the crowds at those exactions were mostly adults,” Geralt pointed out.

 

“These fools will cheer as the pyres burn but when they realize this eternal fires soon to be burning them too. It’s ironic they have the nerve to call this place the putrid grove it’s the rest of this damned city that’s putrid. Here is the last semblance of sanity,” he pulled up and looked toward me and Geralt, “I am glad people like you have made your way to our fair city as one day it will be ours mark my words.”

 

“Our’s?” I echoed as it sounded as if he was referring to a larger a group.

 

“Yeah, me and my friends. But that is a tale for another time. And you look like you have enough to deal with. I do not envy you, angry women are dangerous,” He laughed as he headed out of the door.

 

Triss stated with annoyance, “I have things to do in town.”

 

I didn’t know what to do or say as I had not been in this situation before. I had not wronged this woman but she seemed slighted by my presence at Geralt's side, must have been more than a fling and that just made me feel worse.

 

My heart sunk when Geralt Volunteered us to join her, and Triss didn’t look especially pleased but with reluctance, she agreed.

 

_Great, now I was stuck with her longer._

 

It was already awkward enough. I was tempted to bow out and await them elsewhere but a fear within me begged me to remain despite how ill at ease I was in her company. I had the feeling this wasn’t going to get any easier as she saw me as interloper. What would Yennifer, and Ciri think when they met me?


End file.
